Wedding is a week away, and I can feel myself getting paranoid

MollyandD

One week from today, I get married to the best guy in the world!

But... I think I'm starting to get paranoid about things. For example, my best friend is throwing me a bachelorette party tonight. She has a sick little boy, and mentioned that she may have to leave early if his fever spikes again. I'm normally not afraid of being around sick people AT ALL. My immune system is great, plus I'm a teacher and around kids, sick and well, all the time. Right now, I'm fighting the urge to remind her to wash her hands before she comes to see me. I'm so afraid of getting sick this week. I'm also freaking out that my currently clear skin will break out, and that's likely to lead to stress breakouts. 

I ordered my flowers to be delivered two days before the wedding and am worrying they will be late. I'm worried that they will be the wrong flowers when I get them. Or that I'll screw them up. Or that one of my bunnies will eat them (not that they will even be around them).

I'm terrified I'll get to the venue and realize I left something at home, so I'm making lists of all the stuff I need to take. 

I keep having dreams that I get to the chapel and have nothing at all with me, people I hired forgot about the wedding, and that I'm running late. 

I know these are probably normal worries, but I don't know how to make myself feel calm on the inside. It is worth mentioning that I usually have dreams about being late before starting a new class or job too. It must just be the stress of an important event coming up. Does anyone have any helpful tips to make me feel like all my planning was done well and that it's ok to chill?

MollyandD

Oh, and this time last year, I had bad allergy problems that caused one of my eyes to get pink eye. It looked like I was stoned, but only in one eye. I'm worried that will happen again too, even though I'm taking allergy medicine from the doctor.

mrsmorales2be

I'm sure it's just nerves!  Can you take some time this week just for you?  Maybe a spa day or lunch with your besties?  Catch a movie?  Something to help you unwind a little?  Totally understandable, but realize that it's just nerves.  People will show up when they're supposed to, you're not going to forget everything, and if something does get left it'll work out.  FI and I always say "Don't go looking for problems that aren't there."   If you're worrying that much, you're probably not sleeping too well, either.  Try not to worry about things you have no control over, and trust that the things you can control will go as planned.  In the end, all anyone will remember is how lovely you are and how happy they are for you.

beethery

A good way to de-stress might be to hang out in some water. If you don't have a lake near you, get a day pass to a YMCA and hang out in the pool for a while. Probably by yourself so that you feel like you're getting an alone moment where no one is talking wedding to you and you can think about post-wedding stuff, and not dwell on the paranoia. It's a good way to cool off and relax.

MollyandD

That's a good point. I am looking for problems that aren't there in my effort to make everything run smoothly.

My mom told me she's taking off work next Friday to help out with last minute things. I didn't ask her to do that, but I'm very grateful. I need to remind myself that I'm not doing all this alone. I mean, I have my fiancé too, but he's not into the details beyond the cake flavors. He'll do anything I ask, but I tend to just do things myself. Maybe that's something I should change, at least this week. 

AddieCake

Find stuff to do to relax and try not to think about all these "What ifs." 

MollyandD

@beethery‌ I love water. That sounds like a great plan. Exercise is good for calming nerves too.

beethery

Damn skippy! Get your woozah on, then it's time to get excited!

jdluvr06

(((Hugs))) take a deep breathe and follow the PPs advice. I have no good advice because I'm the type to have unnecessary freak outs as well.

FiancB

I'm in the same boat, same date and everything! At this point I kind of wish I had a DOC but whatever. I do find it necessary to work out if I want to be able to sleep or eat. I think lists will probably make us both feel better- I'm terrified of forgetting my cake topper or accessories or something. I have a ton of last minute DIY to do still but it sounds like you're more on top of things so just try to relax!

amakayeb

Molly&Domenic said:

That's a good point. I am looking for problems that aren't there in my effort to make everything run smoothly.

My mom told me she's taking off work next Friday to help out with last minute things. I didn't ask her to do that, but I'm very grateful. I need to remind myself that I'm not doing all this alone. I mean, I have my fiancé too, but he's not into the details beyond the cake flavors. He'll do anything I ask, but I tend to just do things myself. Maybe that's something I should change, at least this week. 

I have the opposite issue...we're staying with my fiance's parents this week (wedding is here in his hometown), and I just learned yesterday that BOTH of them took off all this week to help out. We really don't have that many last minute things to do (and not really ones that they can help with, honestly, other than decorating the hall on Friday). I'm extremely introverted, and I was looking forward to some quiet time at home during the day to just chill out! Now I'm going to have to hide out in the family room in the basement instead and feel like I'm being anti-social...

FiancB

Oh and the weather... so far it looks pretty decent, on the border of being too hot, although I've been stalking it and every once in a while it likes to tell me that it'll be thunderstorming just to freak me out!

ohannabelle

Molly, when you start to feel anxiety, close your eyes and take ten very deep breaths, all the way to the bottom of your lungs, and exhale slowly. Repeat something soothing to yourself, like "I'm calm and unafraid, and everything will be fine," with each breath.

If you start feeling seriously panicky stress, count backwards from 100 by threes. This actually switches the area of brain function from the emotional based areas to the logic based areas. No kidding. It's amazing how well it works. 

MollyandD

@FiancB‌ I'm worried about my cake topper being left too, which is totally silly. I live 6 minutes from the venue. It won't be hard to run back and grab anything. I'm trying to watch the weather too. It's looking good, but our OK weathermen have been wrong before... I don't mind rain as long as no tornadoes follow it.

MollyandD

@ohannabelle‌ that's interesting. I don't know that I've ever tried the counting from 100 by 3 backwards.

ohannabelle

Molly&Domenic said:

@ohannabelle‌ that's interesting. I don't know that I've ever tried the counting from 100 by 3 backwards.

It's a heck of a technique. It's been used for PTSD. Simple, but it works. Refocuses the thinking pattern.

lc07

It sounds like you are trying to anticipate every problem possible so that you can prevent them from happening. Focus on the things you can control. And let go of the things that don't serve you. The problems you are imagining don't actually exist. If problems DO arise, remember, you have the choice as to how to let them affect you. 

I love lists, too. I make lists of things that need to be done and then break them up into what I'm going to do each day. So I don't have this GIANTLISTOFSTUFFTODO. That feels overwhelming. It's just Sunday: this, this and this. Monday: this, this and this. etc. 

And exercise! Go run, do yoga, bike, hike - whatever - get all that extra built up adrenaline from the anxiety out of your system. 

And don't forget to remember that this is your life right now. Everything is fine in this moment. Enjoy it. Happy Wedding Week! 

misshart00

Molly&Domenic said:

@FiancB‌ I'm worried about my cake topper being left too, which is totally silly. I live 6 minutes from the venue. It won't be hard to run back and grab anything. I'm trying to watch the weather too. It's looking good, but our OK weathermen have been wrong before... I don't mind rain as long as no tornadoes follow it.

You're in OK?!

RebeccaB88

misshart00 said:

@FiancB‌ I'm worried about my cake topper being left too, which is totally silly. I live 6 minutes from the venue. It won't be hard to run back and grab anything. I'm trying to watch the weather too. It's looking good, but our OK weathermen have been wrong before... I don't mind rain as long as no tornadoes follow it.

You're in OK?!

Ditto?!

mrsmorales2be

I'm in OK....

CrazyCatLady3

Here's some advice from a 2-week OMH...

Something will go wrong.  BUT, either no one will notice, no one will remember, and/or you will have friends and family there to help you fix it.  I was like you with details, lists.  Here are some things that went wrong anyway:

1) The earring backings that came with my earrings (brand new earrings) would not stay on and as soon as I put the earrings in they kept falling out.  I had lists upon lists of things to have on hand--but extra earring backings was not one of them!  We were already running late for first look but luckily my mom had those little rubber stopper things for her earrings and she ran down to her hotel room to get them for me.  Fixed.

2) I had told both the DOC and venue to check the mic before the ceremony, which they did, but we still had mic issues at the ceremony/reception.  After the wedding, all anyone told me was how much they loved the food and venue.  No one cared about the mic issues.

3) I am generally a pretty calm person and was totally mellow all day getting ready for the wedding until just when I started my makeup.  My parents' hotel room wasn't ready yet so they both came into my suite and it resulted in a bunch of people milling around and all of a sudden I started having a mini panic attack.  I was literally tearing up while my MUA was about to start doing eye makeup.  I took my sister into the bathroom to calm me down.  She made everyone except the MUA leave.  She also took a cab to my apt to dig out an old bottle of Xanax I had from when my cat died 2 years ago (which I never have otherwise needed to take) just in case.  I was thinking, great, I am going to be drugged on my wedding day and I won't be able to even have anything to drink.  But by the time she got back, I had calmed down and didn't need it, and by the time I saw my FI for first look, all was forgotten and I was having a blast!

So yeah, don't stress so much about things going wrong.  Because something probably will go wrong.  But you will address it and get through it, or no one will notice.  Ladies on here have had much worse things go wrong but still have wonderful memories of their wedding days.

MollyandD

Yes, I'm an Oklahoma girl. I've lived here all my life, so you'd think I'd be fine with crazy weather. I'm actually a big baby about it. I'm the proud owner of a storm shelter, but I still worry.

@crazycatlady3 I know you're right. Something will go wrong. It won't be as memorable if it doesn't. I just want everything I can control to be ok. If something goes wrong like a little kid doing something funny or the wrong music plays when I'm supposed to walk out, I can laugh that off. If I were to forget something, I'll be mad at myself. You're right though about how it will be fixable or won't be as big a deal as I think.