Children at the wedding?

AandJBigDay

I have done a lot of research about how to politely imply that this is an adult only affair but I will be having a ring bearer and flower girl, possibly a sign bearer as well. Those are kiddos and I am worried about how that will look to the people that left their kids at home.

beethery

Just don't put 'And Family' or any guests' kids' names on the invites. If anyone tries to RSVP for their children as well, get in touch with them to clarify that the invitation was only for X and Y, not the kids. If they can't make it, that's on them.

beethery

Just don't put 'And Family' or any guests' kids' names on the invites. If anyone tries to RSVP for their children as well, get in touch with them to clarify that the invitation was only for X and Y, not the kids. If they can't make it, that's on them.

OliveOilsMom

First, don't put Adults Only on the invite.  Only address the invite to people who are invited.  You are fine to only invite the kids in the WP to the wedding.  Be prepared for some parents to be upset and decline to attend, but that is their problem, not yours.  If a person adds their kid to the RSVP, then just call and let them know the invitation is only for mom and dad, not little Suzy.

chibiyui

You imply it is an adult affair by not inviting children. If someone RSVPs with their kids, let them know that sadly, their kids are not invited and can not be accomodated.

Don't tell people who ask that it's adult only. That will just give them room to bitch. And it's not adult only anyway since you have your ring bearer and flower girl.

Nymeru

I ran into this issue too on the not-inviting-kids thing, although I'm not having a flowergirl, ring bearer, etc.  Before my FMIL decided to personally invite her side of the family's kids (in blatant disregard of our wishes, and without consulting us--that's a cluster I posted on earlier), what we did to make sure that people didn't try to invite their kids along was only address the invitation to the people who were invited.  We also wrote "we have reserved ______ seats in your honor" on the bottom of the RSVP card, letting them know that despite their family size of 5, we only reserved 2 seats for them.  We didn't get a single RSVP back with additional names written on them, so that seemed to work well.  We also spread the fact through word of mouth through our parents and siblings, so up until a couple of days ago when my FMIL took matters into her own hands, everything was fine, with no families confused about whether their kids were invited.

Are your FG, RB, etc. going to be at the reception, or just there for the ceremony?  A few of my friends only had the kids at the ceremony and then hustled them off to the babysitter for the rest of the night.  When done this way, it was clear to all the guests that it truly was an adult-only affair and no one got their feathers ruffled about their little ones not participating.

indianaalum

People understand that wedding party kids are different. they should always be included in whole process

AddieCake

Nobody will question that you have kids in the wedding party even if you are not inviting any other children. 

AddieCake

Nymeru said:

Are your FG, RB, etc. going to be at the reception, or just there for the ceremony?  A few of my friends only had the kids at the ceremony and then hustled them off to the babysitter for the rest of the night.  When done this way, it was clear to all the guests that it truly was an adult-only affair and no one got their feathers ruffled about their little ones not participating.

I hope this was the choice of the parents of those children, and not the bride and groom, as this is very inappropriate unless their parents choose not to have them there. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony, and that means ALL the guests, including the children. To not allow them to attend says they were only used as props for the wedding. 

Nymeru

It was a mutual decision between the bride, groom, and parents of the kids.  The bride and groom didn't want kids for the reception and the parents wanted to be able to enjoy themselves without the distraction of cranky, bored kids.  It seemed to work out really well.

MairePoppy

Children of the wedding party should automatically be invited to the reception. It would be rude of guests to question you about it. 

pinkshorts27

Are your FG, RB, etc. going to be at the reception, or just there for the ceremony?  A few of my friends only had the kids at the ceremony and then hustled them off to the babysitter for the rest of the night.  When done this way, it was clear to all the guests that it truly was an adult-only affair and no one got their feathers ruffled about their little ones not participating.

It is rude to invite anyone to the ceremony and then not invite them to the reception. If they or their parents choose to not go to the reception, that is their choice, but they should be invited.

AandJBigDay

I did see the "we have ___ sets reserved in your honor" on a RSVP and I thought that was great! I'm a pretty big softy and really planning a bigger wedding then I should but I don't want to leave anyone out. I just don't have the extra for the kiddos. Just have the three maybe four kiddos to worry about but a babysitter is a good option but I would rather it be their idea then mine! Hehehe

mysticl

AandJBigDay said:

I did see the "we have ___ sets reserved in your honor" on a RSVP and I thought that was great! I'm a pretty big softy and really planning a bigger wedding then I should but I don't want to leave anyone out. I just don't have the extra for the kiddos. Just have the three maybe four kiddos to worry about but a babysitter is a good option but I would rather it be their idea then mine! Hehehe

I can see where that might backfire though.  Someone could interpret it as "Oh, I have two seats to fill and since DH can't make it I'll bring DS instead".  

Only hire a babysitter if you are going to make it crystal clear up front that the kids are not invited to the wedding but child care will be available for those who would like to use it. Don't include the kids on the invite and then have them whisked off to child care when they get there with no choice in the matter.  But my personal vote is don't hire a sitter.  The parents will either arrange for their own child care or decline.  

ninewest86

Nymeru said:

I ran into this issue too on the not-inviting-kids thing, although I'm not having a flowergirl, ring bearer, etc.  Before my FMIL decided to personally invite her side of the family's kids (in blatant disregard of our wishes, and without consulting us--that's a cluster I posted on earlier), what we did to make sure that people didn't try to invite their kids along was only address the invitation to the people who were invited.  We also wrote "we have reserved ______ seats in your honor" on the bottom of the RSVP card, letting them know that despite their family size of 5, we only reserved 2 seats for them.  We didn't get a single RSVP back with additional names written on them, so that seemed to work well.  We also spread the fact through word of mouth through our parents and siblings, so up until a couple of days ago when my FMIL took matters into her own hands, everything was fine, with no families confused about whether their kids were invited.

Are your FG, RB, etc. going to be at the reception, or just there for the ceremony?  A few of my friends only had the kids at the ceremony and then hustled them off to the babysitter for the rest of the night.  When done this way, it was clear to all the guests that it truly was an adult-only affair and no one got their feathers ruffled about their little ones not participating.

THIS!!  We're doing the same since it's technically rude to say 'adults only' on the invitation (so I've heard).  We still have some people who don't understand how to read an invitation that's for Mr and Mrs XYZ with no mention of their children, but I kindly pointed them to the wedding website where I spell out that the invitation is only for those on the envelope and we won't be able to accommodate children.

southernbelle0915

We had a child-free wedding. The way we handled it was to address the invitation to who was invited (e.g. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith") and then on the RSVP card we had:

"We look forward to celebrating with you!

__# attending ceremony

__# attending reception"

If someone had written "4", we would have been able to call and let them know that just Mr. and Mrs. Smith were invited. We didn't have any major problems and we know people understood it because we got a few grumblings. Oh well.

Just don't write "Adults Only" or any variation thereof on your website/invitations, etc. 

Jen4948

Leave "adults only" and "and family" off your invitations.

You can use "____ seats have been reserved in your honor" but I'll admit that it leaves you open to substitutions if you are inviting a couple and one of them can't make it.