Asking to be in wedding party gifts

futuremrscampobasso

Hi ! Iv been engaged for almost a year and our wedding will be next September ! So to ask our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be in the wedding party we are have robes embroidered for the women and engraved flasks and a cigar for the men. Problem is my fiancé has a 16 year old cousin and my brother who will be 18 at the time of the wedding. It doesn't seem appropriate to give them the flasks and cigar. My brother maybe but not the flasks. Any ideas of what I can get the boys or do you think I can get that for them and they will appreciate it in a few years!
Thanks for your input !
Arielle

Jen4948

I would suggest not giving gifts at the time you ask your intended wedding party members to be in your wedding party.

Ask them separately, without trying to be "cute," "creative," "original," "unique" or otherwise making a production out of it.  When anyone does that, it overwhelms the intended wedding party members and makes them uncomfortable rather than creates a sense of excitement.  And if anyone has to say no, it makes them even more uncomfortable.

Also, if I were a bridesmaid, I would not want to receive an embroidered robe, or any robe at all as a gift, as that's too intimate for my taste, and men may not want to receive cigars or flasks, especially if they don't drink or smoke.  I'd rethink these gifts altogether and only give them after your intended wedding party members actually agree to do it-perhaps at the rehearsal dinner if there is one.

climbingsingle

You're giving them these gifts when you ask them to be in your wedding party? 

Do you know that your friends would enjoy/be happy with a robe? Do they wear robes? Honestly, if someone gave me a robe with my name on it, I'd never wear it. 

slothiegal

It is completely unnecessary to give gifts to ask your friends/family to be a part of the wedding party.  What if they have to decline for some reason?  Do you keep the gift?

Save your money, and give them thoughtful, personal gifts when the wedding comes around. 

mysticl

Knottie26013726 said:

Hi ! Iv been engaged for almost a year and our wedding will be next September ! So to ask our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be in the wedding party we are have robes embroidered for the women and engraved flasks and a cigar for the men. Problem is my fiancé has a 16 year old cousin and my brother who will be 18 at the time of the wedding. It doesn't seem appropriate to give them the flasks and cigar. My brother maybe but not the flasks. Any ideas of what I can get the boys or do you think I can get that for them and they will appreciate it in a few years! Thanks for your input ! Arielle

It could actually be illegal to give the 16-year-old a cigar. I would think that it would be the same as buying a pack of cigarettes for a minor.  Also, as a parent I would not be okay with someone giving those items to my minor child.  They would not be putting them away to appreciate later, they would be giving them back to you.  

As others have said don't buy gifts to ask people to be in your wedding.  Just ask.  Then when the wedding roles around buy a gift that suites that person.  

futuremrscampobasso

Well there robes would say bridesmaids on it and they would wear them when we get ready for my wedding day. As for the men they all smoke cigars and drink. It's really the younger boys I'm asking about.

futuremrscampobasso

Thank you for the suggestions though maybe I'll just wait on the gifts and do something else

slothiegal

Knottie26013726 said:

Well there robes would say bridesmaids on it and they would wear them when we get ready for my wedding day. As for the men they all smoke cigars and drink. It's really the younger boys I'm asking about.

SIB

Are all your bridesmaids comfortable with that idea?  Not every woman wants to be flouncing around in a robe.  Not to mention, they probably don't want one that says "bridesmaid" on it after the fact.

Anyways, I still say nix the gift idea.  ETA:  I see you're already considering that.  If you want to do something special, take your ladies out to lunch and ask them!  

Jen4948

futuremrscampobasso said: Well there robes would say bridesmaids on it and they would wear them when we get ready for my wedding day. As for the men they all smoke cigars and drink. It's really the younger boys I'm asking about. This is something many women are not comfortable with-they do not like "bridal day getting ready" outfits like robes, let alone embroidered ones.  If I were presented with one just on being asked to be a bridesmaid, it would make me really, really uncomfortable.

Viczaesar

futuremrscampobasso said:

Well there robes would say bridesmaids on it and they would wear them when we get ready for my wedding day. As for the men they all smoke cigars and drink. It's really the younger boys I'm asking about.

I megaloathe this trend.  What if they don't want to sit around on your wedding day in robes?  What if they don't want pictures of them unclothed? 

ohannabelle

If anyone takes a picture of me in my robe, it's only because I am too hungover to jump up and slap the camera out of their hand.

ashley8918

ohannabelle said:

If anyone takes a picture of me in my robe, it's only because I am too hungover to jump up and slap the camera out of their hand.

mysticl

ohannabelle said:

If anyone takes a picture of me in my robe, it's only because I am too hungover to jump up and slap the camera out of their hand.

In my case it would be Christmas morning but it's a big, fluffy, robe over flannel PJs. 

Nymeru

One thing you should know is that anything you give a member of your bridal party that you expect them to wear for the ceremony, getting ready, or pictures (like the robes) isn't considered a true gift.  It's more of a uniform/requirement. 

Also, I'd skip the personalization bit.  If someone gave me a robe that said "bridesmaid" on it, I wouldn't know what to do with it after the wedding.  I certainly don't want that word emblazoned across my back or front outside of a wedding.  I am one of those people who would actually like to have a robe (as long as it was comfortable, a nice color and well made), but it would make me sad to get one that I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing after the event.