Wedding Woes

Fiance Wants Kids at the Reception I Don't HELP!!!!

My fiance has a small family with only 2 children ages 10 and 13 however I come from a large family with 20 kids under 18. He really wants his family kids to come however I feel like if we invite his kids we have to invite my families kids and now we are talking a lot more money and a way larger guest list. I've tried explaining this to him and that it's really going to hurt our budget but I don't think he's getting it. On top of this the kids on his side do not have the best table manors and are quite messy. At this point I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! you're welcome to be brutally honest

Thank you

Re: Fiance Wants Kids at the Reception I Don't HELP!!!!

  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's his wedding too, so you'll just need to find a middle ground. I didn't want any kids there, but my husband has two really well-behaved middle school-aged cousins and we just invited the two of them only.

  • I didn't want kids at my wedding... but we are having kids at the wedding. I don't have any on my side, but my fiance has a few on his side, but they're small- like ages 2-7 and the idea of having kids there stresses me out a little. But, it wasn't a battle I was willing to pick, so I said "sure, all of those guests on your side who are bringing their kids without actually asking us are just fine". Yes. They are bringing kids but didn't ask first (kids weren't on the invitation). Annoying. Rude. But again, I didn't pick the battle, I just let it go. 

    And I regret it. 

    Decide how important this is to you and if you're willing to upset people. Some people may be offended if no kids are invited. People will definitely be offended if some are invited and others are not. But having a 10 and 13 year old is very different from a bunch of youngins running around. It sounds like its important to your fiance to have those members of his family here. And it's not important to you to have those members of your family there. So don't invite them. And stand your ground when people get offended or push back to insist their kid should be invited. Don't mention the older kids that got invited on your fiance's side, just let them know that the invitation was for the parents only. They'll either deal with it or they won't come. Their choice. 
    CheezayBoxGurl
  • My fiance has a small family with only 2 children ages 10 and 13 however I come from a large family with 20 kids under 18. He really wants his family kids to come however I feel like if we invite his kids we have to invite my families kids and now we are talking a lot more money and a way larger guest list. I've tried explaining this to him and that it's really going to hurt our budget but I don't think he's getting it. On top of this the kids on his side do not have the best table manors and are quite messy. At this point I don't know what to do.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated! you're welcome to be brutally honest

    Thank you
    LOL

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    This is one of those situations that you have to learn to compromise. This is a great opportunity to practice real-life marriage skills. You two need to sit and talk and really listen to each other. Why does he want kids there? How important is it to him? 

    Figure out what you can afford. Determine who is included in this guest list. How does this change if kids are/are not invited? You don't have to do all or nothing. Not every kid needs to be invited, but it is easier to set clearer boundaries. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • I'm curious if the OP plans to have children/teens in the wedding party (ring bearer or flower girl, jr. bridesmaid/groomsmen). 

    I'm in agreement with those who said you shouldn't just invite select kids. obviously you can, but you're going to need to deal with a lot more fallout. 

    OP - if cost is your primary concern, then lay it out to your husband in those terms. "I understand that it is important to you to have (names) in attendance, I don't feel it is right to invite the 2 kids from your side but not invite those from mine. i'm concerned about the impact to our budget if we invite another 22 kids. at $$$ per child meal, we are looking at a total cost of $$$x 22 = {total cost}. this would put us at $$$ over our budget - so we would either need to eliminate/reduce services or find a way to increase our budget to accomodate. Do you think we can afford the added cost, and if so what are you recommending we do to make this possible." 

    You're going to need to partner with your FI to work it out. You're going to come across much more difficult situations in your relationship, and you need to determine if this is the hill you're willing to die on. 

    Keep in mind that eliminating kids from your guest list may also eliminate adults - some parents are not willing or able to go if their kids are not invited. (e.g. anyone travelling from out of town may not be able to attend if they do not have a local babysitter , or could not leave the kids at home.) I've attended weddings with kids, and those with a 21+ limit, and while it is nice to be able to have a date night with my hubby, i never thought the kids were overly disruptive, or lessened my experience. Even though she's been invited, we haven't taken our 3.5yo to a wedding yet, but I'm sure she'd have a blast. 
    CheezayBoxGurl
  • As others said, this is about you and your FI working things out together. Just remember that your desire not to have kids there isn't more valid than his desire to have kids there.

    Some people legitimately love to have kids at weddings, or feel very close to the children in their family and can't imagen haveing such an important celebration with out them. We tend to just lump kids under a "kid" catagory, but to the other person it's the same as saying, "I don't want Grandma and Grandpa at the wedding". Some times they are specific people that the other person actually wants to have there.
    image
  • How do both sides of kids fall on the family tree? If his are neices and nephews then maybe you just invite neices and nephews on both sides but not cousins.
  • they are all our cousins.

    thanks for the advise guys!!! 
    I did some big searching on the web and found a couple caterers willing to give me a reduced to free menu for kids so i guess its no longer an issue!!! 
    I Call This a Win Win Situation
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    'on the web'

    Heffalumpmrsconn23
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards