Already An Issue- Kids being self invited

PrettyGirlLost

Wegl13 said:

Okay so talked to my parents and also to FI about their opinions on how important this is, will MCousin and DCousin be upset, and what is the best way to handle this. And the results are in:
1. My mom says to just text MCousin back and write something to the effect of "hey, we are having a small wedding and aren't going to be able to invite any kids but we hope you and DCousin can still make it!"
2. My dad says to think very very carefully about how important this is to us, because he has NO IDEA if this will rock the boat (and I am SO STRESSED because I feel like there is already tension because of the loss of a close family member that was a "connecting piece" between our family and D and MCousins). If we decide it is "worth it," we should CALL and be straightfoward about the situation. But also I should sit down and make a plan and be adequately prepared for the whole conversation.
3. FI was initially really upset that I was thinking of caving, because he feels like I keep changing plans on him (true: guest list jumped from 50 to 55 to 70 to 72 because of people that I told him we had to invite... but in my defense that included his first cousin's gf of 3 years... so ETIQUETTE I HAZ IT). Anyways, his final thoughts involve me calling MCousin and basically blaming it on him and putting it in her hands, a la "hey FI is on the fence about having kids at the wedding, leaning towards really wanting an adult only affair, but it's also important for you to be there. How important is it to your family that Daughter come?"

Of course this also opens us up to GM bringing daughter, other cousin bringing family of 8, family friend bringing family of 5, and then where we at!


TLDR: I'm eloping on 12/6, bringing pro photog and pretty dress, STDs be damned. No JK but seriously. This should not be this hard.

Don't cave.  Do as your mother suggested and email/text the cousin back and say what your mother suggested, then leave it at that.  If they call you and bring up bringing their child to the wedding, then have a conversation with them.  But don't cave.

As harsh as this may seem, the emotional issues that your cousins are having due to the loss of a family member are not your issues to deal with, unless you are their paid psychologist.  Adults should not use loss as an excuse to behave badly.

NYCMercedes

Damn you give good advice @PrettyGirlLost‌

Jen4948

Wegl13 said:

This is so stupid, I sat and stared at the phone for 15 minutes. Pressed her text, waited, pressed "contact," wait, finally pressed "voice call." And then it went straight to voicemail JACKPOT BITCHES.

I think it went something like this: hey got your text message just wanted to give you a call back, glad you liked the pics and if you want any specific prints just let me know and we can get those for you. Also wanted to clear up any confusion- unfortunately only able to invite you and DCousin, trying to keep guest list small and decided to not invite any kids. Hope this doesn't change you guys being able to make it. Give me a call back when you can [damn I shouldn't have said that, it's like an invite to call me back and ask why not], hope you guys are doing great k bye.

TLDR: I am the biggest fucking wimp (and I really do love my family and am praying this goes well) and I'm so glad JLaw and Co could help me backbone up. Thanks guys. War damn wedding!

Good job!

KatWAG

@wegl13 can we get an update? did she call you back?

Wegl13

No call back yet. I may call my grandmother today for unrelated (but awesome) discussion, so we'll see if it grapevines. Don't worry you guys will get an update!

hellosweetie1015

Wegl13 said:

This is so stupid, I sat and stared at the phone for 15 minutes. Pressed her text, waited, pressed "contact," wait, finally pressed "voice call." And then it went straight to voicemail JACKPOT BITCHES.

I think it went something like this: hey got your text message just wanted to give you a call back, glad you liked the pics and if you want any specific prints just let me know and we can get those for you. Also wanted to clear up any confusion- unfortunately only able to invite you and DCousin, trying to keep guest list small and decided to not invite any kids. Hope this doesn't change you guys being able to make it. Give me a call back when you can [damn I shouldn't have said that, it's like an invite to call me back and ask why not], hope you guys are doing great k bye.

TLDR: I am the biggest fucking wimp (and I really do love my family and am praying this goes well) and I'm so glad JLaw and Co could help me backbone up. Thanks guys. War damn wedding!

WAR DAMN? I only know, like, 87,449 other people who say that! (IF my math is right and we count you and count me and then subtract.......) WAR DAMN!

ETA: Guess I could have been helpful or said good job or something. I got distracted....

[Deleted User]

I think that you handled this beautifully. I worry that I am going to be facing the same issue when BF and I get engaged and start planning guest list. My cousin is a drama queen who HAS to be the center of attention and whose children are the spawn of angels and everything beautiful. (gag) I know that regardless of how I address the invitation, she will assume that they are invited. I'm not even engaged yet and I'm already steeling myself for that fight.

You were clear, concise, and apologetic about the "inconvenience" - she really can't fault you other than the fact that you don't want her bratty child at your wedding and considering that it's not her day, who cares! Good job OP.

pink34562000

There are misunderstandings when it comes to children invited to weddings. However when the invitation is addressed to the parents only, it is just for the parents not parents plus their children.

There is nothing wrong with inviting kids at a wedding or not inviting them. That is the bride and groom's decision. They are hosting a party and can invite whoever they wish.

As an adult, who doesn't have children, there have been times when I wasn't invited to a kid's birthday party because I don't have kids. I was completely okay with that and not offended.

I heard of horror stories with parents who sulk, get upset and whine because there little snowflake wasn't invited. They need to get over themselves.