To Give or Not to Give

samjhamilton

Hi all! I'm getting married this November and have a friend who is getting married in August. I sent her a save the date to my wedding, knowing I likely wouldn't be invited to hers. I was very careful to make sure she knew I had no expectations and would be FINE without getting an invite. (In planning my own wedding I completely understand that sometimes the guest list is out of your hands.)

Now, my question is: she'll be attending my bridal shower and wedding, and will likely bring a gift for both. Should I plan on giving her gifts for both her shower and wedding, even if I'm not invited (she hasn't mailed invitations quite yet)? I'm just not sure what proper protocol would be in this situation.

Thanks in advance!

Sam

Maggie0829

samjhamilton said:

Hi all! I'm getting married this November and have a friend who is getting married in August. I sent her a save the date to my wedding, knowing I likely wouldn't be invited to hers. I was very careful to make sure she knew I had no expectations and would be FINE without getting an invite. (In planning my own wedding I completely understand that sometimes the guest list is out of your hands.)

Now, my question is: she'll be attending my bridal shower and wedding, and will likely bring a gift for both. Should I plan on giving her gifts for both her shower and wedding, even if I'm not invited (she hasn't mailed invitations quite yet)? I'm just not sure what proper protocol would be in this situation.

Thanks in advance!

Sam

Just because she is coming to your shower and your wedding and will possibly be giving you gifts does not mean that you have to give gifts back.

If you aren't invited to her wedding then you wouldn't be invited to her shower so to give her a shower gift would just seem odd.  As for giving her something to congratulate her and her SO on their recent marriage, that is up to you.  If you want to give them something then you can, if you don't want to or can't afford it then you don't have to give them anything.

Weddings are not tit for tat and the same goes with gifts.

photokitty

I think giving a shower gift, when not invited to the shower, would come off as passive aggressive.

I would however give her wedding gift to celebrate the marriage. 

If she comes to your shower I would expect to be invited to the wedding. IMHO I wouldn't got to shower for someone I wasn't close enough to invite to my wedding - unless I was having a small private wedding.

manateehugger

Please don't give a shower gift if you aren't invited. That just seems super strange and almost needy, I don't know. Just send her a wedding gift if you would like.

MNVegas

It would be a little weird to give her a shower gift if you are not invited. If you want to give a gift for the wedding that is fine.

lizandmark2014

I would just send a wedding gift.

I got a gift from my in-laws' neighbors. They were not invited but sent a gift and a great card. It said so glad for your wedding bliss. Enjoy married life.

They are the kind of people that are just happy to hear you are happy. And I have met them. They are sweet people.