Just Engaged and Proposals

Re: .

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    jbswetish said:
    My fiance and I decided to host our own engagement party - we are framing it as sort of "we are so excited to get married so come celebrate with us!" We originally wanted to get married outside in the afternoon in May 2015...however we decided on a winter wedding instead! We wanted to bring the feel of our original wedding idea to our engagement party, so we rented a park ramada with a BEAUTIFUL mountain backdrop, are having food catered, supplying drinks, and are planning to have lots of yard games and just enjoy the wonderful summer weather!

    That being said, we decided not to spend money on formal invitation since our engagement party isn't going to be too formal and instead spread the word through email and a facebook event. However, the word has been spread for about a week and half and the party is next weekend (10 days away). So far only our immediate family and a few local friends have responded (about 10 people total - we invited about 50). About 50% of our friends live in-town, and about 50% live in the neighboring town less than 2 hours away. I have a feeling that the party is going to be a flop. My MOH (who doesn't know it yet) will be coming, but no one else from our potential bridal parties. All of our friends have kind of brushed this off as no-big-deal and I am afraid that no one will end up coming. This makes me very sad as I have been SO excited about our party and have worked really hard to plan it thus far. 

    Any opinions on this? Are engagement parties just not a big deal these days? Should we have sent out real initiations? We gave about 3 weeks notice...too much or too little? Do we have the right to be upset if our (potential) bridal party & best friends don't even make an effort to show up? Is expecting some people to drive 2 hours to our party too much? 

    Oh,no!  You didn't!  I only had to read the first sentence to see a major problem!


    I would not drive two hours for such a party.  I didn't have an engagement party.  My daughter didn't have one, either.  If someone offers to host one for you, that is fine, but you never throw a party in your own honor.  Never.  I am sorry that I cannot help you. 
  • In my experience, engagement parties "aren't really a big thing". And, yes, ditto CMGRagain, it is considered quite bad form to host your own engagement party. Nothing you can do about that now though, except cancel. And I gather you will not do that. I think if you wanted to get RSVPs then paper invitations would have helped. I think e- invitations could have work as well, as an rsvp is more expected there than through a facebook event or just an email. You still have time to call up the people you invited and ask them if they will be attending. I would only drive that far for an engagement party if it happened to be convenient for my schedule AND it was a close friend or close family member. And, no, you should not be upset that your possible bridal party, who have no idea that they may be your bridal party!, may not be able to attend. Don't forget, they have lives too! It will all be okay. Your party may be smaller, but I always think those are the most fun anyway.
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    @jbswetish Dropping your post will just bring more attention to it, and you've been quoted already.
    CMGragain[Deleted User]OliveOilsMomNYCBruin
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ooh, bat signal. Good job on quoting CMGr!

    There's no way I would drive 2 hours for an engagement party. And no, you shouldn't be angry at people that don't attend. Are you serious?!

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    For what it's worth, no one has engagement parties in my area/circle. Unless they're old money.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I have only ever been invited to one engagement party, and I truly don't really understand the point of them. It's possible that it's just not something your friends are interested in. And I definitely wouldn't drive an hour plus for one. 

    When I get FB invitations, I do not take them nearly as seriously as more formal invitations because they tend to be "a bunch of us are hanging out--come hang out" kind of events.  
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    The history of engagement parties:

    In Victorian times, when most of our wedding traditions evolved, brides tended to marry at a very young age.  Sixteen was considered a good age for a girl to marry.  Often she married an older man.  If she came from a wealthy family on the east coast, chances are that she had a season of formal debute dances and parties, hosted by her proud parents for their friends, so that the girl could meet socially acceptable prospective husbands.
    When a suitor received the parents' permission to address their daughter, he would then propose to her.  If she accepted, their engagement was announced quietly in the local newspaper.  The girl's parents usually gave a party where they made a formal announcement of the engagement to their circle of friends

    When did the engagement party become a party for the couple to give for their own young friends?  Very recently.  Today's engagement parties are nothing like the old, traditional ones.  When I was married in the 1970's, no one I knew had one.  As another poster mentioned, this was an "old money" custom.  That certainly didn't describe my family!  I didn't have one.  My daughter didn't have one.

    I just thought some of you might be interested in the history of the engagement party.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    OP, please do not delete your posts. Knotties tend to frown on that. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • I guess I'm having an "engagement party". It isn't really anything like an engagement party really. I've been engaged since Christmas Eve. The party is only 2 months before the wedding, and is basically a party hosted by my FMIL at her house for all the various family groups (multiple divorces and re-marriages do that to a family) so they can meet each other. Some other close family friends may also attend. I don't think of it as an "engagement party" even though that's what FMIL insists on calling it. It's more of a "lets get both sides of all the family together and mingle" party. Very informal. FMIL hosts big parties at her house all the time and loves it, so part of me just thinks she wanted an excuse to see everyone and have a party.

    In any case, I came because of the DD and agree with all who said it's rude to host your own engagement party.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    "They say there's no such place... as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But, in spite of that... Why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me... It says, 'Search for Paradise.' " - Kiba, Wolf's Rain

  • @cmgragain, I did enjoy reading that.

    OP, so now you know it's in bad form to host your own engagement party.

    Other issues, i don't rsvp unless I'm asked to, ie, with a response mechanism, and I don't take Facebook rsvps seriously. 3 weeks notice for people who have to drive 2 hours in? Highly unlikely to try to attend.

    Even if someone was already your bridesmaids/MOH, they don't have to attend anything but the wedding (though they should try to attend the rehearsal, if there's one.)
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Also, you planned this for 4th of July weekend!  Many families have standing plans, especially with the 4th being a Friday and people able to have long weekends.  But yet you only invited people with 3 weeks notice.  And it's 2 hours away, but does that include holiday traffic?

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