What would you gift for a B List invite?

winnie100

Here is the situation:  Husbands' first cousin marries out of state.  We were informed by his mother late last year to expect an invitation for their spring wedding.  No invitation received...we see photographs of wedding a few weeks ago and clearly see his sister and her husband (they don't reside in the same state as cousin) in the receiving line outside the church.  Clearly they received an invitation.  When we married in 2011, our invitation was sent to his Aunt and Uncle for the entire family, which is normal.  Aunt and Uncle attend our wedding and gift $100.00.  Now...two weeks ago, we receive a photograph invitation to a dinner/reception celebration for this cousin in July.  Here is the question...My husband says no to sending a gift of any kind since we didn't receive an invitation to the actual wedding (plus, the B List invite really upset him) or do we do what I suggest and do what is right and send a check to the parents house and be done with the whole thing?

MamaAlly89

This invite seems pretty gift grabby IMO, I wouldn't give a gift or attend the reception. But that's just me.

sarawifenow

winnie100 said:

Here is the situation:  Husbands' first cousin marries out of state.  We were informed by his mother late last year to expect an invitation for their spring wedding.  No invitation received...we see photographs of wedding a few weeks ago and clearly see his sister and her husband (they don't reside in the same state as cousin) in the receiving line outside the church.  Clearly they received an invitation.  When we married in 2011, our invitation was sent to his Aunt and Uncle for the entire family, which is normal.  Aunt and Uncle attend our wedding and gift $100.00.  Now...two weeks ago, we receive a photograph invitation to a dinner/reception celebration for this cousin in July.  Here is the question...My husband says no to sending a gift of any kind since we didn't receive an invitation to the actual wedding (plus, the B List invite really upset him) or do we do what I suggest and do what is right and send a check to the parents house and be done with the whole thing?

I would decline this invitation. It is rude and classless. No gift either.

Angusaur

I wouldn't even want to attend. To me, the ceremony is the best part. I don't really feel like celebrating your wedding a couple months later, when I didn't even get to see it. I would decline the invitation and not send a gift.

theartistformerlyknownas

A dinner is not a gift-giving occasion. I wouldn't give a gift regardless of whether I attended.

chibiyui

I would not give a gift, even if I went. If you are so inclined to give, I suggest a Beyonce.

climbingsingle

I'd skip it and not send a gift. How rude.

sarahufl

Angusaur said:

I wouldn't even want to attend. To me, the ceremony is the best part. I don't really feel like celebrating your wedding a couple months later, when I didn't even get to see it. I would decline the invitation and not send a gift.

This. I actually love ceremonies and would be super hurt to not be included. The food and booze that follows are just icing on the cake. I come to watch you get married. I stay to continue to celebrate your happiness and your relationship. To not invite me to the ceremony leaves me out of the best (and, IMO) most important part of the whole thing.

MairePoppy

Was the MOG the host of the wedding? If she wasn't, she had no right to verbally invite anyone to the wedding to begin with. I'm thinking of the brides who have told us that the MOG or MOB invited guests to the wedding, without the B&G's knowledge. 

Gifts are free will gestures. You're not obligated to give one, not even if you're invited to the wedding, although I'd be embarrassed not to. I can understand why your fi's feelings are hurt, since his sister was invited and he wasn't to the first cousin's wedding. I'd follow his lead, since this is his family. He doesn't want to send a gift so skip it. You could send your regrets and congratulations.  

RebeccaB88

No gift.  Would only attend the party if family politics were involved. Then I'd bring a card. Empty.

lilacck28

I'd be VERY hurt if my brother was invited to a wedding of a family member and I was not. VERY. I would NOT give those people any type of gift. In fact, I'd probably hold quite the grudge, and not go to any events of theirs for a while, if ever. I would not invite them to my events. And if we happened to be at the same event, I would try to avoid being in direct conversation with them. Yeah, I'd be that pissed. I would most DEFINITELY not disregard your husband's feelings on this. 

RebeccaFlower

RebeccaB88 said:

No gift.  Would only attend the party if family politics were involved. Then I'd bring a card. Empty.

This. 

wandajune6

No gift. I probably wouldn't attend, though I might under family pressure. My feelings would be hurt too.

MairePoppy

RebeccaFlower said:

RebeccaB88 said:

No gift.  Would only attend the party if family politics were involved. Then I'd bring a card. Empty.

This. 

I would disregard family politics, in this instance. If husband doesn't want to attend the party, they should decline. 

winnie100

Thank you for all of your comments!!!  Very much appreciated!  My husband often tells me that I overlook bad manners far too often and I usually respond with..."We should be the better person".    Well, he was right as were all of you!

winnie100

You hit the nail on the head....CLASSLESS!

PrincessOfHavoc

Wouldn't attend. Your husband doesn't want to go along it seems like, so go with that. If family pushes, well you two already had other plans, sorry.

No gift either way. That's gift grabby and I am not playing along.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

I would be busy that day.

OliveOilsMom

OP, you said that you sent cousin's invite to your wedding to his parents, for the whole family.  Did this cousin do the same?  Did ILs receive an invitation to this wedding and maybe you were supposed to be apart of it, since that is normal for the family?  It's possible there was a mis-understanding with the invitation.

I'd investigate a little.  Have H call his sister and see if she was given her own invite.  Maybe ILs didn't tell you about the invite because they thought you wouldn't travel for the wedding, if it was supposed to be a family invitation.

winnie100

@oliveoilsmom - I did do some checking to see if we were left out due to a mis-understanding.  We were contacted directly for our address to ensure they had it correct for the invitations.  

OliveOilsMom

winnie100 said:

@oliveoilsmom - I did do some checking to see if we were left out due to a mis-understanding.  We were contacted directly for our address to ensure they had it correct for the invitations.  

Then do as PP said!

MGP

This is even better than a Beyoncé. http://www.poopsenders.com

thisismynickname2

So.... this is your husband's first cousin, and husband's sister was invited. You already said you were asked for an address for an invite that never came. 

Is your SIL closer to Cousin than you two are, by chance?

Would not attending the dinner worsen any politics that may have driven the lack of invite in the first place?

This might be a situation where you just attend, with a card, and play nice.  

APDSS22

You said they got married out of state.  Would the dinner be out of state as well?  I can't think of a single situation in which I would travel to another state for just a dinner.  Especially in your situation where it looks like you and your husband were specifically excluded from the actual wedding.

pinkshorts27

Fred Meyers has metal chickens I sale for fifty right now. Just fyi

ashley8918

Not a damn thing.