Not sure if this is where I should be posting something like this, but I need to get it off my chest as my heart is becoming heavy. <rant>
When I first set out to plan this whole wedding at my FMIL's request (she is paying for a little over 50%), I figured it would be a nice and simple beach affair (FIs request: wanted to get married on the beach at sunset).
Kept the guest list small and found a beautiful hotel right on the beach where a short walk from the ceremony site to the venue site kept things simple. Was able to ensure everyone will be well hosted with a cocktail hour with passing appetizers, a buffet (with vegan options for two of our guests), and an open bar serving a variety of wines, beers, and sparkly fun drinks.
I found a dress to please most folks for the ceremony and found a dress I'd like to wear for the reception. And am avoiding most traditions, like the bouquet toss or garter toss, but am really only holding onto three traditions: groom not to see the bridal dress till the day of the wedding, first dance, and cutting of the cake.
I offered my BMs to wear whatever they like and do whatever they like with their hair and make-up. I got attitude for this. I shared some of my ideas for centerpieces and politely explained that I will not be participating in a money dance and I get laughed at and called a bridezilla. In fact one of my BMs expressed her distaste for all my choices and decisions to the point of calling me fat and ridiculous. We haven't spoken on a friend basis in over 3 months now.. She ignores me.. as do the other BMs. I often wonder why anyone would agree to be in a bridal party if they did not care for the bride/groom..
I mostly blame myself for this as I chose people who are not close to me as I have few people who are close to me as it is and felt it necessary to select 3 ladies.. I know now this is ridiculous. But, again I ask myself, if you don't care about the bride/groom, why accept the role?
So, I asked my brother who helped raise me growing up if he would like to escort me down the aisle. He got pissed off and told me our substance abusing father was required to do so. I say, okay than you decline. Later on he asked me how he could help me prepare for the wedding, in his words, "what do you need me to do?" I explained I would like him to be an usher and sit our aunt at the wedding and I needed help setting up the chairs. He got angry and explained he was not a janitor. Demanding to be part of FIs bridal party, I offered him the role of bridal attendant in my own bridal party, he accepted graciously. I understand he needed this to feel important and involved while on his terms. I just wish he understood I already had a very special role for him which was within his right to decline, graciously.
My aunt has spent a lot of money and time supporting my brothers (her nephews) and my father during this wedding. Attending special lunches to discuss the wedding and buying them suits and dental implants for my father. She has not consulted me on any of this wedding stuff nor invited me to attend any of their outings. When I expressed my concerns that providing a nice suit and set of false teeth will not make me more comfortable with walking with my dad, she got pissed and started gossiping about me to my brothers expressing how presumptuous I am and how dare I accuse her of trying to control my wedding in any way.
She is planning a co-ed bridal shower and said that even if I didn't want a co-ed bridal shower, she would still force her favorite nephews to go as she needs them to be there with her. So FI reluctantly agreed as he wanted to keep the peace but was uncomfortable with a co-ed bridal shower. She has ignored my request for a different date, selected foods she know I won't eat, and became annoyed with me when I said I needed some time for FI to select some of his guests he would feel comfortable inviting to a co-ed bridal shower. She got pissed and said I need to figure out 30 people in order for her plans to work.. We picked exactly 30 ppl to keep her happy and I am pretty sure there will be some declines.. I hope I will not feel the brunt of this.
So far, I hear nothing but shit talking about my wedding and myself through the ghetto grapevine of family members. I am being accused of blowing smoke up my brother's ass about wanting him involved in the wedding, that I am ungrateful, that I am trying to exclude my family from the affair since FMIL is paying for wedding and instead refer to it as a carnival rather than a wedding. That I am an inconsiderate and selfish little girl who refuses to walk with her dad or just spend 30 seconds dancing with him. Never mind how I feel, its about how everyone else will feel. Again, never mind the proper hosting I will be doing without any help from my side of the family. But, please do continue to advise me on proper etiquette...
One of my co-workers let it slip that some of the ladies are planning a bachelorette party for me which is the sweetest thing and the most kind thing anyone has done for me so far. Only problem is they aren't invited to the wedding so now I am not sure about how to go about this bachelorette party situation.
I feel like I meet resistance at every turn and am constantly bowing to meet other people's requests and needs but no one is taking the time to consider mine except my co-workers. And if I am not met with resistance I am left feeling excluded while gossiped about.
I just want to tell everyone you are not invited to the wedding until you can be supportive of me. Return my calls, stop whispering obscenities about me behind my back, and keep your opinions to yourself about what kind of centerpiece we choose to have. In the end, a lot of what everyone is up in arms about are petty details that no one will remember in the long run. But, I will remember how they made me feel and my guests will remember how they were treated during the reception. And honestly, none of my guests care if I dance with my dad or walk with him down the aisle, no one will care what dresses the BMs wore, no one will care about my dress change, or my floral choices.
I am pretty sure the only thing my guests will care about is having good food and drink without having to open their wallets and that there was an option to dance and have fun. Oh, and that there was cake.