Is the dollar dance tacky?

Knottie94562685

I need opinions?? My mom thinks it is since our guest already gave us a gift. My dad said it doesn't matter, everyone does it??

Knottie94562685

Am

LondonLisa

Knottie94562685 said:

I need opinions?? My mom thinks it is since our guest already gave us a gift. My dad said it doesn't matter, everyone does it??

Yes, dollar dance is very rude and tacky. Listen to your mother. Your guests should never open their wallet at your wedding. Cash bar, dollar dance, honeymoon jar or any other payments are one of the rudest things a host can have.

southernbelle0915

Yes, it's very tacky. The dollar dance is asking for money, which is never ok. It's perceived as greedy and boring for anyone who doesn't participate. Your mom is right on. Skip it.

NYCMercedes

If you have to ask.....then it means you know it is. 

emmaaa

Yes. They are tacky.

JoanE2012

Please don't do it, it's tacky!

chibiyui

Tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky.

Skip it.

AddieCake

It's incredibly tacky and inappropriate unless you are from a culture who does it. I'm told it's a Polish thing, so if you're Polish, go for it. 

slothiegal

Mom knows best (at least in this case).

Tacky.

HobokensFury

Yes.

Knottie94562685

My fiancés family does a thing called the bread dance? Which is what all his cousins have done. It's just like the dollar dance except even one holds hands and does this dance in a circle (the main person holds the bread) And throws money on the floor.. But both have been a no go from the start! I just wanted other opinions on the dollar dance! Thanksss!

HobokensFury

Knottie94562685 said:

My fiancés family does a thing called the bread dance? Which is what all his cousins have done. It's just like the dollar dance except even one holds hands and does this dance in a circle (the main person holds the bread) And throws money on the floor.. But both have been a no go from the start! I just wanted other opinions on the dollar dance! Thanksss!

Still tacky

Knottie94562685

Like I said BOTh have been a NO GO from the start.

AddieCake

I need you to explain the point of the bread. 

Knottie94562685

Honestly I have no idea. They do have a paper explaining it by the bread at the reception... Never read it. They're Macedonian so it has something to do with that? the dance moves were fast and confusing so I never did it ha. I'll have to ask my fiancé

southernbelle0915

Very interesting about this bread dance. Glad you're not doing it though - it just sounds like another way B&Gs ask for money. I'd be pretty weirded out if I just finished the wobble and a bread dance started going down...

AddieCake

I Googled it. Since TK no longer allows me to link things, here is a c/p:

Aside from being a fan of fright flicks, the bride comes from a Macedonian family, so another aspect of the reception was far more traditional (although novel to an American crowd): a bread dance. A special sweetened yeast bread, called a koluk, had been baked and decorated with white flowers. According to a 1970 case study by the Balch Institute for Ethnic Studies (I could find no recent recipes), koluk is similar to a traditional Macedonian Easter bread. One of the bride's relatives explained that it was round, like a wedding band, to signify something that has no beginning and no end. All the guests were invited to the dance floor, where the Nunko (godfather) lifted the bread over the couple's heads and did a little dance. Meanwhile, everyone joined hands in a circle and did a simple dance that reminded me of the hora (the traditional Jewish wedding dance). In fact, as I learned later, this dance is called a horo or  ora in Macedonian; according to the Forward, an American Jewish periodical, both the Jewish and Macedonian words come from the Greek khoros (Macedonia shares a border with Greece) . 

As the guests circled the room with arms linked, the  Nunko then proceeded to hold the bread over each dancer's head in turn. When the dance was over, there was a competition between the bride and groom. They each grabbed the bread with both hands, and at the signal vied to break off the bigger piece. The outcome would decide who would be the head of the household (or should that be the bread-winner?). In this case the bride won by a wide margin. This game reminded me of my friend's Hindu wedding last year, where the bride and groom competed to see who could pour more rice over the other's head to determine who would rule the roost. At the Macedonian reception, the bread was served alongside the cake after the game was over. 

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

My personal opinion is that I would never do one. I went to a wedding where they had one (I had never heard of it before) and I really didn't like the idea of guests paying to do that, even if it is all in good fun.

Knottie04135568

I realize I am in the minority here but I do not think they are tacky. I've enjoyed every dollar dance I've ever been a part of and wondered why they weren't happening at other ones. Just my opinion though. At a couple of weddings it was the only time I had with  the bride and groom one on one to say how great a night it was.

Follow your gut and do what feels right to you. Hope it goes well!

JoanE2012

Knottie04135568 said:

I realize I am in the minority here but I do not think they are tacky. I've enjoyed every dollar dance I've ever been a part of and wondered why they weren't happening at other ones. Just my opinion though. At a couple of weddings it was the only time I had with  the bride and groom one on one to say how great a night it was.

Follow your gut and do what feels right to you. Hope it goes well!

Because people were smart enough to realize it's rude to ask people to participate in something that requires them to give money.  Your guests have most likely already given a wedding gift, maybe a shower or engagement gift, might be paying for a hotel or other travel arrangements, perhaps paid for a new outfit, etc.  To have a dance for money just looks greedy.

QueerFemme

Knottie04135568 said:

I realize I am in the minority here but I do not think they are tacky. I've enjoyed every dollar dance I've ever been a part of and wondered why they weren't happening at other ones. Just my opinion though. At a couple of weddings it was the only time I had with  the bride and groom one on one to say how great a night it was.

Follow your gut and do what feels right to you. Hope it goes well!

to the bolded, that likely means the bride and groom weren't the best hosts.  They should be making table visits or otherwise making themselves available to greet all of their guests individually.  

you shouldn't have to pay for time with the couple to tell them you are having a good time. 

LondonLisa

Because on multiple boards people have been saying that it is a Polish tradition, I asked my coworker who is from Warsaw about this. She was horrified! Maybe it is a Polish-American thing, but she was embarrassed that Poland was being used to justify this. Her exact words were: "Wait, so you have to pay the Bride and Groom money to dance with them!? No, no no no no!" 

drina0218

@londonlisa I think it's a Polish-American thing too. I was born in a small town in western PA (lots of 2nd, 3rd, 4th generation Polish immigrants) and the dollar dance was and is at literally every wedding I have gone to back home. When I talked to FI's sister-in-law, who is from Poland, she was really confused when I asked her about it and said she never heard of such a thing.

Do I think the dollar dance is tacky? Absolutely.
Do I enjoy folding a dollar into a little bow, taking a shot, dancing with the bride to polka music, and then becoming a human barricade for her so the groom has to try to break through? I sort of do in a weird way. I think it's all in good fun.

I have a weird love-hate relationship with the idea because growing up I thought it was normal and a lot of fun, but now that I'm older and a little more aware of etiquette I can see that it is tacky.

Maggie0829

I really don't believe that in today's world dollar dances are a cultural thing.  They may have begun in certain cultures, but as you can see on here even those within those cultures shudder at the dollar dance being associated with them.  What I believe is that dollar dances are done by rude and greedy individuals regardless of what culture they are from.  There are rude people in all cultures so I think that is why dollar dances (and other forms of getting money) are associated with a lot of cultures.

MyNameIsNot

The dollar dance was a cultural thing in poorer immigrant circles.  The dollar was the only gift most guests gave.  

As a general rule of thumb, if your mom thinks it's tacky, don't do it.  Her family and friends are probably going to be in the same boat as her.  

jenna8984

It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding.

Jen4948

jenna8984 said:

It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. </
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Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

jenna8984

Jen4948 said:

It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".

Maggie0829

jenna8984 said:

Jen4948 said:

It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".

I'm sorry but I do not find the dollar dance fun or cultural in any way.  It is just another way for the couple to wring you for every last dollar you have on you.  And by having the dollar dance, even if you say it is part of your culture, when potentially half of your guest list could be very offended or put off by it is probably not the best decision.  You can certainly represent your culture or heritage in other ways rather then trying to get money from people.

jenna8984

Maggie0829 said:

jenna8984 said:

Jen4948 said:

It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".

I'm sorry but I do not find the dollar dance fun or cultural in any way.  It is just another way for the couple to wring you for every last dollar you have on you.  And by having the dollar dance, even if you say it is part of your culture, when potentially half of your guest list could be very offended or put off by it is probably not the best decision.  You can certainly represent your culture or heritage in other ways rather then trying to get money from people.

YOU don't find anything cultural about it because you didn't grow up with it. She grew up attending literally hundreds of weddings (they invite out to 4th cousins) that all had this as part of the event so it is cultural to her just the same as crossing the crowns. And it's not about the money at all, or the couple trying to "wring you for every last dollar". That means nothing to them, she said often it's left behind as extra tip money for the venue and she even told my FI should would give him $10 in ones just to have him join in on the fun. It's not some awkward stripper feeling dance, the guests all join hands and make circles around the bride and groom and people throw money into the circle if they wish to. There's nothing stopping you from being in the circle and still participating without money.