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Etiquette

Another Child Invite Dilemma

13

Re: Another Child Invite Dilemma

  • AddieCake said:
    I'm glad she didn't push, but I agree it's very weird to be in the location you got engaged and choose to spend the time with your daughter instead of with your wife. You know, to whom you got engaged and later married. And I still say he is still trying to wrangle an invitation for the daughter by doing this, thinking you will eventually say, "Oh, it's silly to go be elsewhere. She's just one child. She can come." 
    My guess is that she will be leaving right after the ceremony or right after dinner to be with her husband and daughter. Leaving me with the question, why even come then?

    I know this is kind of awful, but I am kind of annoyed more with her than her husband. She has implied that she is on her husband's side but will put up with my silly request. I almost want to ask her, "since you guys love this location so much, why not just go spend the entire day with your husband?"

    But, I am just assuming things and have no idea what her plans are or intentions are for that weekend. 

    PrettyGirlLostsouthernbelle0915luckysnorkel
  • lilacck28 said:
    I would prefer to have my Fiance with me in the car for a three hour drive too. He could be accommodating the wife's request for a travel companion and making the best of it by spending the day with the daughter. A more obvious solution of course would have been childcare and them both attending the wedding. 

    This. 
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    @perdonami : your more recent comment about being annoyed with your friend makes a lot of sense to me. The husband seemed to be getting all the flack, but the fact that she is relaying all this stuff about her "husband's" opinions, says to me it is her opinion and that SHE is trying to guilt you into changing your mind. In which case, she should go spend the weekend with her husband and daughter and decline your wedding invitation. 

  • As PP's have said, the husband seems to be making a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate OP into inviting the child to the wedding.  And barring that, he seems to be overly attached to the child. . . in that annoying, "My child must be included in everything I do and attend everything I attend" ways.   But screw my wife, she can fend for herself, i don't need to spend time with her!
    This is what bugs me a lot too.. Why even come then? Just hire a babysitter or don't come at all. It makes me feel sorry for my friend that her husband will be traipsing about their favorite place/got engaged with their daughter while he leaves her alone at wedding he is protesting. 

    He really is placing more emphasis on his relationship with his daughter than his wife. And now she is forced to either pick her friend or her husband.. 

    How messed up is that? 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    AddieCake said:
    I would be prepared that they may show up with the child. I wouldn't escort them out if they do, but it could definitely happen. My favorite aunt had it happen to her with her first husband's sister, who was told repeatedly that children were not invited. She showed up with her son anyway.

    What should a couple do if the venue doesn't allow children, but someone who was repeatedly told that brings their kid anyway?  The kid can't come in because the venue will throw them out anyway. Sometimes parents need to deal with the consequences of bringing uninvited children-even if you wouldn't choose to have them escorted out.
  • Absolutely! I think that is awful if people just expect to invite their children. We have stated categorically no children simply because we can't afford them...
  • perdonami said:

    As PP's have said, the husband seems to be making a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate OP into inviting the child to the wedding.  And barring that, he seems to be overly attached to the child. . . in that annoying, "My child must be included in everything I do and attend everything I attend" ways.   But screw my wife, she can fend for herself, i don't need to spend time with her!
    This is what bugs me a lot too.. Why even come then? Just hire a babysitter or don't come at all. It makes me feel sorry for my friend that her husband will be traipsing about their favorite place/got engaged with their daughter while he leaves her alone at wedding he is protesting. 

    He really is placing more emphasis on his relationship with his daughter than his wife. And now she is forced to either pick her friend or her husband.. 

    How messed up is that? 
    I don't know your friend, but it really does sound like she is just putting the blame on her husband to make her sound like the not-bad guy when she talks to you, while she feels the same way. Otherwise, this would be a fight she has with her husband that does not involve you. Because by involving you, SHE is the one guilting you. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    perdonami said:
    Bit of update:

    So, my friend got back to me and will not bring their daughter to the ceremony either. When I asked why her husband is going to drive all the way out not to attend the wedding. She said because its their favorite place and that is where they got engaged. He plans to make a day of it. 

    So, I guess that is why he is so insistent on going but won't attend the wedding. 
    Ok it went from annoying and pushy to creepy. 

    He wants to make a day out of spending time in the place where he got engaged to his wife... that's adorable! Oh wait, he wants to do this ONLY with his daughter, while his wife attends a wedding alone. WTeverlovingF?

    Does anyone remember a couple of years ago that post where a family insisted that their 8 year old daughter be allowed to bring a date to the wedding - and they had a date all picked out for her?

    Yes!  She was an Indigo child or something like that!  I think that post was from last summer.
    buddysmom80
  • Ok it went from annoying and pushy to creepy. 

    He wants to make a day out of spending time in the place where he got engaged to his wife... that's adorable! Oh wait, he wants to do this ONLY with his daughter, while his wife attends a wedding alone. WTeverlovingF?

    Does anyone remember a couple of years ago that post where a family insisted that their 8 year old daughter be allowed to bring a date to the wedding - and they had a date all picked out for her?

    Yes!  She was an Indigo child or something like that!  I think that post was from last summer.
    That's it!! The INDIGO CHILD. hahah thank you! 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ok it went from annoying and pushy to creepy. 

    He wants to make a day out of spending time in the place where he got engaged to his wife... that's adorable! Oh wait, he wants to do this ONLY with his daughter, while his wife attends a wedding alone. WTeverlovingF?

    Does anyone remember a couple of years ago that post where a family insisted that their 8 year old daughter be allowed to bring a date to the wedding - and they had a date all picked out for her?

    Yes!  She was an Indigo child or something like that!  I think that post was from last summer.
    That's it!! The INDIGO CHILD. hahah thank you! 

    I remember that!  That was funny-and sad for the kid's future.
  • lilacck28 said:
    perdonami said:

    As PP's have said, the husband seems to be making a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate OP into inviting the child to the wedding.  And barring that, he seems to be overly attached to the child. . . in that annoying, "My child must be included in everything I do and attend everything I attend" ways.   But screw my wife, she can fend for herself, i don't need to spend time with her!
    This is what bugs me a lot too.. Why even come then? Just hire a babysitter or don't come at all. It makes me feel sorry for my friend that her husband will be traipsing about their favorite place/got engaged with their daughter while he leaves her alone at wedding he is protesting. 

    He really is placing more emphasis on his relationship with his daughter than his wife. And now she is forced to either pick her friend or her husband.. 

    How messed up is that? 
    I don't know your friend, but it really does sound like she is just putting the blame on her husband to make her sound like the not-bad guy when she talks to you, while she feels the same way. Otherwise, this would be a fight she has with her husband that does not involve you. Because by involving you, SHE is the one guilting you. 
    She has made it clear that she would very much like to have her husband there but he won't attend without the daughter. She has implied that she thinks my request is silly. I asked if it was a childcare issue and she said that is not the issue, but that her husband won't attend without their DD. They have a lot of support from family. She also told me that her husband does this all the time. I kept inquiring about this issue and she instructed me to drop it and let it go.  

    I don't think she is trying to guilt me but just does not see how strange this all is. What else is kind of weird, I have never met her husband either. All I know about him is what she has told me about him so I may as well just be jumping to conclusions. As it appears currently, I probably won't ever met him either, although we will be in the same vicinity.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    perdonami said:
    lilacck28 said:
    perdonami said:

    As PP's have said, the husband seems to be making a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate OP into inviting the child to the wedding.  And barring that, he seems to be overly attached to the child. . . in that annoying, "My child must be included in everything I do and attend everything I attend" ways.   But screw my wife, she can fend for herself, i don't need to spend time with her!
    This is what bugs me a lot too.. Why even come then? Just hire a babysitter or don't come at all. It makes me feel sorry for my friend that her husband will be traipsing about their favorite place/got engaged with their daughter while he leaves her alone at wedding he is protesting. 

    He really is placing more emphasis on his relationship with his daughter than his wife. And now she is forced to either pick her friend or her husband.. 

    How messed up is that? 
    I don't know your friend, but it really does sound like she is just putting the blame on her husband to make her sound like the not-bad guy when she talks to you, while she feels the same way. Otherwise, this would be a fight she has with her husband that does not involve you. Because by involving you, SHE is the one guilting you. 
    She has made it clear that she would very much like to have her husband there but he won't attend without the daughter. She has implied that she thinks my request is silly. I asked if it was a childcare issue and she said that is not the issue, but that her husband won't attend without their DD. They have a lot of support from family. She also told me that her husband does this all the time. I kept inquiring about this issue and she instructed me to drop it and let it go.  

    I don't think she is trying to guilt me but just does not see how strange this all is. What else is kind of weird, I have never met her husband either. All I know about him is what she has told me about him so I may as well just be jumping to conclusions. As it appears currently, I probably won't ever met him either, although we will be in the same vicinity.

    At this point I'd tell her that you're sorry that they won't be able to attend, but the invitation does not include the daughter.
  • perdonami said:
    lilacck28 said:
    perdonami said:

    As PP's have said, the husband seems to be making a passive aggressive attempt to manipulate OP into inviting the child to the wedding.  And barring that, he seems to be overly attached to the child. . . in that annoying, "My child must be included in everything I do and attend everything I attend" ways.   But screw my wife, she can fend for herself, i don't need to spend time with her!
    This is what bugs me a lot too.. Why even come then? Just hire a babysitter or don't come at all. It makes me feel sorry for my friend that her husband will be traipsing about their favorite place/got engaged with their daughter while he leaves her alone at wedding he is protesting. 

    He really is placing more emphasis on his relationship with his daughter than his wife. And now she is forced to either pick her friend or her husband.. 

    How messed up is that? 
    I don't know your friend, but it really does sound like she is just putting the blame on her husband to make her sound like the not-bad guy when she talks to you, while she feels the same way. Otherwise, this would be a fight she has with her husband that does not involve you. Because by involving you, SHE is the one guilting you. 
    She has made it clear that she would very much like to have her husband there but he won't attend without the daughter. She has implied that she thinks my request is silly. I asked if it was a childcare issue and she said that is not the issue, but that her husband won't attend without their DD. They have a lot of support from family. She also told me that her husband does this all the time. I kept inquiring about this issue and she instructed me to drop it and let it go.  

    I don't think she is trying to guilt me but just does not see how strange this all is. What else is kind of weird, I have never met her husband either. All I know about him is what she has told me about him so I may as well just be jumping to conclusions. As it appears currently, I probably won't ever met him either, although we will be in the same vicinity.



    STUCK IN BOX

    yeah, that's pretty strange. Your friend is REALLY not endearing him to anyone! I was just talking about that with FI and his parents, how the best bit of advice they ever got was to not tell friends or family about fights or disagreements because people outside the relationship would not forget, forgive, or understand. 

    It think it's weird that her husband won't ever go places without their daughter (I thought it was just for this particular event, and it was primarily a logistical reason even if they were saying otherwise), even weirder that she would air this to you and make her husband sound like a nut job (which is pretty disrespectful of her spouse and shortsighted in my opinion), and WEIRDEST that she wouldn't realize how strange all of that is to begin with. 
    perdonamiluckysnorkel
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I remember Indigo child! That was so bizarre.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    lilacck28 said:

    NYCBruin said:
    lilacck28 said:
    It could be bizarre, but I don't know the guy, so all I'm picturing is him going to lunch with his daughter, maybe going shopping or to a museum or a park or something,  and pointing out "look, that's where I asked mommy to marry me" which is not weird to me at all. 
    I think the weird part is the "let's drive three hours in both directions" to do this while mom is at a wedding by herself.
    I would prefer to have my Fiance with me in the car for a three hour drive too. He could be accommodating the wife's request for a travel companion and making the best of it by spending the day with the daughter. A more obvious solution of course would have been childcare and them both attending the wedding. 

    I, personally, wouldn't be leaving my child with a sitter while I drove 3 hours away.  That's not something I would feel comfortable about.



  • afox007 said:
    Ah yes, a classic. Scrolling through these gifs makes my morning! Thanks for finding :)
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:


    lilacck28 said:





    NYCBruin said:


    lilacck28 said:

    It could be bizarre, but I don't know the guy, so all I'm picturing is him going to lunch with his daughter, maybe going shopping or to a museum or a park or something,  and pointing out "look, that's where I asked mommy to marry me" which is not weird to me at all. 

    I think the weird part is the "let's drive three hours in both directions" to do this while mom is at a wedding by herself.


    I would prefer to have my Fiance with me in the car for a three hour drive too. He could be accommodating the wife's request for a travel companion and making the best of it by spending the day with the daughter. A more obvious solution of course would have been childcare and them both attending the wedding. 




    I, personally, wouldn't be leaving my child with a sitter while I drove 3 hours away.  That's not something I would feel comfortable about.


    Not even a relative like a grandparent or aunt or uncle?


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    perdonami
  • I just find it weird that you don't want kids at the wedding and now you are judging and making assumptions as to why a father would want to spend time with his daughter?

    Maybe he doesn't want to go to the wedding.  Maybe they don't have anyone to watch the kid.  Maybe they want to make an extended weekend out of it.  Who cares.  She is doing what you ask and not bringing their kid to the wedding.  

    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • @dragonblood13 They were excited to go until they realized their DD was not invited. My friend has made it clear that child care is not an issue but that DD is not invited. She will be attending the wedding alone without her DH because he disagrees with DD not being invited.

    This information came directly from my friend. No assumptions are being made.

    However, the ridiculousness of her DH driving all the way out to a DW to walk the streets with his DD is kind of weird. 
  • Ok. Well their DD isn't coming. You should be satisfied.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I don't think anyone is "satisfied". The husband made it an uncomfortable situation for the op and his wife by trying to get his way. It is a child free wedding. The daughter would not have any other children to be with and if she does attend it might make for hard feelings among other guests. A reasonable adult should understand that.
    perdonamiPrettyGirlLostKauris
  • Wow, that thread could not have been for real.. Brings a whole new level of crazy and makes this little "dilemma" seem tame by far. Never heard of an indigo child before, learn something new everyday.
  • debbeau said:
    I don't think anyone is "satisfied". The husband made it an uncomfortable situation for the op and his wife by trying to get his way. It is a child free wedding. The daughter would not have any other children to be with and if she does attend it might make for hard feelings among other guests. A reasonable adult should understand that.
    Pretty much. Although I really shoudn't let it get to me, this whole situation has made me feel uncomfortable to the point that I was going to allow their DD to attend and be rude to my other guests who respected my no child request. It wasn't till I got a resounding "No!" from PPs and she shot off a rude comment to me that I decided to say screw it. Can't DH enjoy a date night and leave their DD with his mother? Nope, he's bringing DD anyway.

    At this point, I am viewing her DH as a 'speshul snowflake' and am glad he will not be in attendance at my wedding. And after her rude comment, I'd much prefer to just spend some one on one time with her outside of the wedding and say enjoy the weekend with your family instead. 

    But, this whole thing is ridiculous and I really need to let it go. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    perdonami said:
    debbeau said:
    I don't think anyone is "satisfied". The husband made it an uncomfortable situation for the op and his wife by trying to get his way. It is a child free wedding. The daughter would not have any other children to be with and if she does attend it might make for hard feelings among other guests. A reasonable adult should understand that.
    Pretty much. Although I really shoudn't let it get to me, this whole situation has made me feel uncomfortable to the point that I was going to allow their DD to attend and be rude to my other guests who respected my no child request. It wasn't till I got a resounding "No!" from PPs and she shot off a rude comment to me that I decided to say screw it. Can't DH enjoy a date night and leave their DD with his mother? Nope, he's bringing DD anyway.

    At this point, I am viewing her DH as a 'speshul snowflake' and am glad he will not be in attendance at my wedding. And after her rude comment, I'd much prefer to just spend some one on one time with her outside of the wedding and say enjoy the weekend with your family instead. 

    But, this whole thing is ridiculous and I really need to let it go. 

    You're very tolerant.  After her rude comment, I wouldn't even want one-on-one time with her.  I'd be like you for the rest of it and say screw it.
    perdonami
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    lilacck28 said:

    NYCBruin said:
    lilacck28 said:
    It could be bizarre, but I don't know the guy, so all I'm picturing is him going to lunch with his daughter, maybe going shopping or to a museum or a park or something,  and pointing out "look, that's where I asked mommy to marry me" which is not weird to me at all. 
    I think the weird part is the "let's drive three hours in both directions" to do this while mom is at a wedding by herself.
    I would prefer to have my Fiance with me in the car for a three hour drive too. He could be accommodating the wife's request for a travel companion and making the best of it by spending the day with the daughter. A more obvious solution of course would have been childcare and them both attending the wedding. 

    I, personally, wouldn't be leaving my child with a sitter while I drove 3 hours away.  That's not something I would feel comfortable about.
    Not even a relative like a grandparent or aunt or uncle?
    It's unlikely that I will live in the same town as my parents or sister when I have kids, and all my aunts and uncles and grandparents are dead (or live in Florida and have disowned me because I voted for Obama).



  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Perdonami, I expect an update on this after the wedding!  I am always suspicious of people and their motives, and I won't be convinced this is "over" until I know they didn't continue to try to guilt you in some way! 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    perdonamiJen4948PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • AddieCake said:
    Perdonami, I expect an update on this after the wedding!  I am always suspicious of people and their motives, and I won't be convinced this is "over" until I know they didn't continue to try to guilt you in some way! 
    Will do!
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