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Etiquette

College Registry?!?!?!

APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
I was on Target.com and I clicked the "registries" link because I just got an invite for a wedding shower in a month and wanted to check out the registry.  They give you three choices: Baby, Wedding and College Registry, which is still in Beta.  What kind of special snowflakiness is this?  Are people actually registering for things they need for college now?

Re: College Registry?!?!?!

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    They are trying to convince parents to do this so they get more money. It makes sense from a business standpoint. Can't blame target for taking advantage.

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    perdonami
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
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    Yeah but are we going to have college showers now?  I mean, I went to college less than a decade ago.  It just baffles me that there's enough call for this to be a Thing.

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
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    mysticl said:
    APDSS22 said:
    Yeah but are we going to have college showers now?  I mean, I went to college less than a decade ago.  It just baffles me that there's enough call for this to be a Thing.
    They're called graduation parties. People already bring gifts to them, this is just a store's way of trying to get as many of those dollars as possible.  
    People bring gifts to graduation parties?  Obviously I need to go back and invoice some people!  Geez, we just had food and music and told people when to stop by, same as everyone else who had a party that I went to.  And that would've gotten expensive because I party hopped for two straight days after graduation.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
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    I got checks and gifts (unexpectedly) and wrote amazing thank-you notes for them. But they were not from friends or parents of friends. These were from Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents, my parents, and family friends.

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  • It's not appropriate but smart. I got a good chunk of college supplies at my HS graduation party.
    NYCBruin
  • APDSS22 said:
    mysticl said:
    APDSS22 said:
    Yeah but are we going to have college showers now?  I mean, I went to college less than a decade ago.  It just baffles me that there's enough call for this to be a Thing.
    They're called graduation parties. People already bring gifts to them, this is just a store's way of trying to get as many of those dollars as possible.  
    People bring gifts to graduation parties?  Obviously I need to go back and invoice some people!  Geez, we just had food and music and told people when to stop by, same as everyone else who had a party that I went to.  And that would've gotten expensive because I party hopped for two straight days after graduation.

    Stuck in box:

    The graduate gets gifts from their family and family friends.  Not their fellow graduates. 
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  • When I graduated HS 10+ years ago, I got checks and gifts (from people who asked me what I wanted/needed for college). The registry, to me, makes sense, cause if a family friend or relative wanted to get me something for college, they'd have an idea of my style or what I need. Don't see how it's much different than a wedding or baby registry, honestly...
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  • casey8784 said:
    When I graduated HS 10+ years ago, I got checks and gifts (from people who asked me what I wanted/needed for college). The registry, to me, makes sense, cause if a family friend or relative wanted to get me something for college, they'd have an idea of my style or what I need. Don't see how it's much different than a wedding or baby registry, honestly…
    This is what I was thinking.  What is about a wedding or new baby that makes a registry acceptable and even expected but it's tacky for anything else?  I know a lot of people like to give things that will help a kid out in the dorms or their first apartment.  However, you don't need towels from every single relative.  
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
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    mysticl said:


    casey8784 said:

    When I graduated HS 10+ years ago, I got checks and gifts (from people who asked me what I wanted/needed for college). The registry, to me, makes sense, cause if a family friend or relative wanted to get me something for college, they'd have an idea of my style or what I need. Don't see how it's much different than a wedding or baby registry, honestly…

    This is what I was thinking.  What is about a wedding or new baby that makes a registry acceptable and even expected but it's tacky for anything else?  I know a lot of people like to give things that will help a kid out in the dorms or their first apartment.  However, you don't need towels from every single relative.  

    I tend to agree and if you're not putting it out there and only telling people when asked, it's not anymore crazy than an amazon wish list.

    NYCBruincasey8784rajahmdashleyep
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
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    I'm torn, on one hand, it could make it alot easier for people to give "useful" gifts to recent grads. 

    On the other hand, I feel like housewarming registries are tacky, and I don't see how this is different from that. And most dorm stuff I funded myself. Yeah my parents bought some, but at my HS grad party, I got cash or dvds. All small stuff. So. Not sure. 
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    chibiyui said:
    I'm torn, on one hand, it could make it alot easier for people to give "useful" gifts to recent grads. 

    On the other hand, I feel like housewarming registries are tacky, and I don't see how this is different from that. And most dorm stuff I funded myself. Yeah my parents bought some, but at my HS grad party, I got cash or dvds. All small stuff. So. Not sure. 

    I'm also a bit torn. I have no problem with things like towels, a shower caddy, a couple sheet sets. But I think it could get out of hand really quickly. A 60 inch tv, etc could get crazy. And I wouldn't put it past some entitled 18 year olds to put a lot of crap on there.
  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
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    For the business, it makes a heck of a lot of sense. Personally I find it tragic- I got some amazingly creative gifts and a lot of cash when I graduated from college, which I used to buy dorm items, but also like... Textbooks. Which you actually, you know, need. (Creative gifts: one friend gave me a microwave, a bowl, a fork, and a box of easymac... Another gave me one of those wallet/phone wristlets for going out to parties, and it had money already in it lol). I mean I feel like registering at target makes sense, but I would have really missed out on the thoughtfulness of these gifts (also- there are a very limited number of personal items you need when you move to a dorm. Things to eat off of, a set of linens, a towel and some washcloths... Most other things are shared aren't they?).
    chibiyui
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
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    I did get some checks from relatives (that I wrote thank you notes for) but the parties were all kids in my experience.

    My thought was mostly that if you keep having a special registry for things where does it stop? It starts feeling like people aren't expected to try to do for themselves anymore, just make a registry and the entire village chips in for your Tripped Over Something Heavy Registry.

    A wish list would make more sense to me because it could be a birthday/holiday gift list for anytime a person wants to give you a gift.

  • Sounds practical to me.  There is nothing wrong with guidance and that's what registries of any type are for.  The argument, "I didn't have one when..." isn't valid.  Yeah, and tell us about your trek to school, ten miles each way, in the snow.  Not everyone is creative with gifts and those who are, will continue to be so, regardless of a registry.

    And in my neck of the woods, housewarmings are gift giving occasions and registries are appreciated.


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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would never have been so presumptuous as to register (read: ask for) for gifts at graduation, in fact I was surprised and amazed and flattered when relatives gave me money/gifts just for finishing high school. But I did receive quite a few things that I didn't need or didn't have room for, and it would have been nice if there was a way to suggest the things that I could actually use.

    I'm kind of wishing my 18 year old cousin had a registry so I would know what to buy her for graduation...
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    NYCBruin
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    APDSS22 - I agree with you. 

    When my kids graduated from high school, they received gifts from relatives and a few older family friends. There were cash gifts and physical gifts which were thoughtful and creative - a shower caddie with a gift card to purchase toiletries, a laundry hamper/basket with coins for the washer/dryer, campus book store gift card, college sweatshirt ...The only people who asked for gift ideas were my parents - the recommendations were standard - Xtra long twin sheets, mattress protector, pillow. I think college registries would have been presumptuous. 

    I'm going to say something really crazy - I'm not particularly fond of baby registries, either. I don't think every life event should be an opportunity to present a shopping list to your friends and family members. 
                       
    APDSS22
  • i did get some physical gifts (one uncle bought me my bedding set; another uncle and his wife outfitted me with everything i'd ever think i'd need for the communal shower, etc) but the vast majority of gifts i got (other than checks) were gift cards to barnes and noble, cause (I don't know if they still do this or not) many college bookstores had a partnership with them (this was right before amazon really took off) and I used them for textbooks (and some fun dvds/books/cds of course!)
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  • Is there a completion discount? I wouldn't mind a college registry that contained practical things (sheets, towels, some dishes, coffee maker, school supplies) as long as the registry info was only given out to people that asked. If the student can buy the things on the registry for a discount, it sounds like a pretty good idea for saving money on outfitting a dorm room. I was the first in my family to go away for university. None of my family really knew what I would need when living in a dorm so they gave me cash gifts and I bought the basics myself. I know my grandparents would have preferred buying me physical gifts.

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  • Wegl13 said:
    For the business, it makes a heck of a lot of sense. Personally I find it tragic- I got some amazingly creative gifts and a lot of cash when I graduated from college, which I used to buy dorm items, but also like... Textbooks. Which you actually, you know, need. (Creative gifts: one friend gave me a microwave, a bowl, a fork, and a box of easymac... Another gave me one of those wallet/phone wristlets for going out to parties, and it had money already in it lol). I mean I feel like registering at target makes sense, but I would have really missed out on the thoughtfulness of these gifts (also- there are a very limited number of personal items you need when you move to a dorm. Things to eat off of, a set of linens, a towel and some washcloths... Most other things are shared aren't they?).
    That depends on your living situation. Some roommates don't share anything. Other things would be microwave, fridge, tv, cleaning supplies, vacuum, iron, ironing board, at least 2 sets of sheets, more than one towel, laundry basket, laundry supplies, drying rack.  

    And like everyone says about wedding registries, they are only a guide, even if you had a registry people still could have picked out other things.  
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  • I have so many questions.

    Do people register if they're graduating college? Or grad school? Med school?

    What if they're planning to commute from home or take classes online? Do they still register for a new microwave and sheets?

    What is the etiquette regarding which items are acceptable, in general. Like, I'm sure notebooks are fine. But what if it's clothes or gas cards?

    If I decide to attend grad school this fall, will it be okay to register when I'm done with that?

    This is a whole new territory.


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    MairePoppy
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    I think it makes sense for high school grad parties/going away to college. You really do need a heck of a lot of stuff, and around here grad parties are very much gift giving parties. I don't feel like it's any more presumptuous than any other registry, as long as you follow the same rules, ie don't put the registry card in your grad announcement, only give info when asked.

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    image
  • I think it makes sense for high school grad parties/going away to college. You really do need a heck of a lot of stuff, and around here grad parties are very much gift giving parties. I don't feel like it's any more presumptuous than any other registry, as long as you follow the same rules, ie don't put the registry card in your grad announcement, only give info when asked.
    I agree with this.  I mean I don't see why this is any less rude than baby or wedding registries, provided that you don't commit any registry sins (posting it on facebook, putting on invitations, registering for cash/gift cards).  Honestly, in a sense I think this makes more sense than a wedding registry in terms of the recipient "deserving" gifts.  This post reminds me of an article I read a while back about how we should have "going to college" or "congrats on the new job" showers instead of baby showers and wedding showers.  I wish I could find it now, it was an interesting perspective on the silliness of celebrating certain life events and not others and the message that sends to young women.
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  • Is it wrong for any type of occasion where things would be bought to have a "wish list" of items so you can let people know what you want/need?

    I actually think this is a great idea. In this day and age where many parents are divorced, it makes it easier (especially when the ex's don't communicate well) to buy their child what they need and know that it's not a duplicate. Also when my nephews & niece went off to college, all the grandparents wanted to give them a little something to take to college (beyond the graduation gift) and so did I as an aunt. It helped us to get them what they needed/wanted for their dorm rooms, nothing duplicate & also nothing they didn't need.

    My sister & her daugher who live out of state create wish lists on amazon for Christmas. They live out of state so we have to ship things anyways, so why not just order things from a website that we know they want & just have it shipped straight to them?

  • NYCBruin said:
    I think it makes sense for high school grad parties/going away to college. You really do need a heck of a lot of stuff, and around here grad parties are very much gift giving parties. I don't feel like it's any more presumptuous than any other registry, as long as you follow the same rules, ie don't put the registry card in your grad announcement, only give info when asked.
    I agree with this.  I mean I don't see why this is any less rude than baby or wedding registries, provided that you don't commit any registry sins (posting it on facebook, putting on invitations, registering for cash/gift cards).  Honestly, in a sense I think this makes more sense than a wedding registry in terms of the recipient "deserving" gifts.  This post reminds me of an article I read a while back about how we should have "going to college" or "congrats on the new job" showers instead of baby showers and wedding showers.  I wish I could find it now, it was an interesting perspective on the silliness of celebrating certain life events and not others and the message that sends to young women.
    I would love to read that article. I'm "more in favor" (if that is the correct term?) to support a single friend, buying their first home (alone) and buying them things for their new place, than for a couple (who has been living together for 5 years and does not need a new toaster) - but because the couple is getting married, they "deserve" a shower?  

    Yes, getting married is a big life choice that people want to celebrate. I get it. I had a big shower. I was thankful for what we received (and we didn't live together prior to getting married, so every item received was and still is being used!) 

    But, how come that single person isn't expected to register? Why would that be "tackier"? What if this person plans on (or just is) single forever? And this person has attended a million showers for every friend? Of course, you can say a good friend would buy them something anyway - and I agree. But, registering has become such a common thing for couples nowadays, that what if this single person wanted to experience the same type of "retail-funness?" (I know that isn't a real thing, but I hope you get my point.) 

    It reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie registers for a pair of shoes and expects the friend to buy it ("expects" for other reasons, but the same concept.) Why should Carrie be judged for wanting something when she has been on the giving end for years?

    Yes, this can be fixed by asking "what do you want?" but that's not fun. When I was getting married, it totally weirded me out a bit that all of a sudden, after dating the same man for 8 years, all of a sudden people wanted to buy us stuff cause "he put a ring on it." Don't get me wrong - who doesn't love a gift (and, it goes without saying, every gift giver received a nice note, etc etc etc.) But, it made me for a moment think that "no one thought anything of me before, and now they do cause a man decided to marry me?" Yes, that's a bit overboard, but the general concept of that - what about all my other achievements? They pale in comparison? That seems rather sad...

    I also dislike when around weddings, people will say "your parents must be so proud." No. They were not proud at my wedding. They were proud when I graduated college, and grad school and worked in my field. They're proud that I have grown up into a productive member of society. It doesn't make them "proud" that "I caught a man."

    But, I'm going off on a rant.

    To me, a college registry would be a-ok if I attended the graduation party (or, just wanted to give a graduation gift) to a family member or friend. (Again, as long as it was not in the invite, or posted on fb, or contained ridiculous items.)

    Just my thoughts. 
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