Wedding Etiquette Forum

Missing gifts - WWYD?

Question - I don't want to sound like i'm fishing for gifts, which i am absolutely not doing.  I truly don't care who did and did not get us what.  However, my mom mentioned to me the day after the wedding that her cousin "said to tell you that her gift is sending in several separate packages, and the first one set to arrive is just a wooden spoon, and she didn't want you to think that's all she got for you!  there is more coming!"  So i thought to myself "well i didn't register for any wooden spoons, but whatever.  most of my registry stuff came in separate boxes so i've been tracking that already" and i moved on.


The wedding was now a month ago, and we have received nothing from this particular cousin.  Again, i don't care if she got us anything or not.  But i'm wondering what you would do here...since she specifically mentioned it to my mother, should i tell her we haven't received anything from her yet?  the "wooden spoon" mention is now making me extra nervous because i'm afraid she bought from someone else's registry for us (i know at Macy's there was another bride with my same first and last name who also had a registry - that could have been an easy mistake if she didn't double check the groom's name).  We have already mailed thank you cards, so most people are aware that we got their gifts.


What does the e-board suggest for this issue?  i don't want her to think we are so rude that we don't send thank you cards, but i also don't know how to write a thank you card for a gift that never arrived, and i'd hate to think she picked out something special for us and it went to someone else.  thoughts?

Re: Missing gifts - WWYD?

  • I think the only polite and graceful thing you can do is just let it go.  If the gift arrives, thank your cousin for it.  If it never does, then you have nothing to thank her for and it would come off as passive-aggressive to send her a thank-you note for something you never received.  If she asks about it, tell her that you never received the gift in a straightforward, factual way with no embellishment.
  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Since your mom told you about it, I would casually work it into a conversation that it never arrived.  

    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • I agree with pp, since cousin made a point of mentioning it to your mom, I would casually bring it up.
  • Anyone watch How I Met Your Mother? (It was my favorite show until they ruined it. RUINED IT! I"m still bitter)

    Anyway, there is an entire episode about how main character Ted is bitter that main characters (and his best friends) Lily and Marshall never gave him a Thank You card for the wedding gift he gave them. And Lily and Marshall are bitter that Ted never gave them a gift. But none of them ever mentioned it to each other because that would have been maybe rude/ awkward. Eventually (this is like, 5 years later) it comes out that another set of guests forgot to bring a gift and put their name on Ted's gift. 

    ANYWAY, yeah, I would work it into conversation this woman. Maybe that's a little awkward, but she did not need to say "I bought you a wooden spoon and these other things!", which means she was probably telling the truth. And if she wasn't, she lied. So that was rude. My grandma FREAKS OUT if she thinks I haven't received something she sent and would definitely want to be made aware if she made a purchase that did not get to me. 
  • To be clear, I mean to work it into the conversation with your mother.  Not with your cousin.

    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • Yeah, I would bring it up with your mom first. At least get her thoughts before moving forward, since it sounds like your mom knows her cousin better than you do. 

    If it was any of my aunts or uncles or cousins, I know that my mom would either bring it up to them, or tell me to bring it up with them, because she and I know them well enough to know that if they say they got a gift, they did. Ask your mom what she thinks about this cousin. 
  • I would mention it, too, because she has already talked about it. Say that your mom told you about her packages and you're concerned that something happened either with the post office or the registry because you didn't get them. She can then contact the store or post office (if she insured or had the package tracked, for instance). I once sent a wedding gift that arrived shattered. The recipient told me and the store sent another one for free.
  • I completely agree that it can come across as gift grabby to ask the person about it, but I also agree that if someone made a point to tell them that the gifts were coming in separate shipments and knew which one was coming first, that it is a possibility that something went wrong in shipping.
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • Another vote to bring it up with your mom, since she's been the source of this info so far. I agree it's way too specific of a mention to have been made up, so it probably got lost. If a gift I mailed had gotten lost, I would want to know about it. But since the cousin didn't tell you about it in the first place, you shouldn't ask.

  • thanks ladies.  i'm was considering that exact thing - bringing it up with my mom.  she's in regular contact with her cousin, so she can spread the message if she thinks it's appropriate.  I'm also heading up for grandma's 90th bday next month and the cousin will be if she says anything i can tell her i haven't received it at that point too.  Options.
  • Can you first check the other bride's registry to see if she has fulfilled wooden spoons on there? Otherwise, let your mom know that you never received wooden spoons or anything else from this cousin. Let her go back to the cousin and she can inquire with the company and post office.
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