So, I have a problem. I'm marrying the love of my life, and I'm as excited as ever. However, it has been a really tough year with him and my parents.
Some background info: They do not like him. At all. Wedding talk was brought up once, and my mom clearly stated that she did not want to be apart of it. But, that was before I got a ring, set a timeline, etc. The reason why they don't like him is because my mom is convinced I'm going to marry a rich lawyer or doctor, and I'm wasting my time with my FI, who is just a "regular guy". She's been divorced, she's re-married but unhappy, and she doesn't believe in marrying for love over money. My step-dad goes with it because my mom is one of those people who makes people pick sides. I will be graduating with my undergraduate degree in May 2015, then going on to law school in the following August, so my mother basically thinks that I am too good for my FI and I should be with someone that has a lot of money and prestige associated with their name/family. Personally, I don't think I could have made it to graduation without my FI. I have moderate OCD, and my FI has been nothing but accommodating of it. He never has a problem when I freak out because something is out of place/wrong, or if my anxiety levels get too high. He loves me regardless. Our first year was rough, and I felt like my parents abandoned me. They never called, they never wanted to come visit, and my mother hates our puppy so much that she won't even let her in her house when we try to visit. (We got the puppy about 8 months into living together, and she's a healthy mini dachshund, so no excuses besides the fact that my mom is against every decision me and my FI make together).
About the wedding situation: My mother has never seen my ring. We barely talk; I think at this point we're estranged. Facebook knows more about my life right now than she does, basically.
My sister, my MOH, is being incredibly insensitive. Every time I bring up "talking to mom about the wedding", she says something like "Oh man that is gonna be terrible". Great.
Also, she's not being helpful with the wedding planning because she's 1. sixteen and self-centered as it gets, and 2. playing both sides of this; siding with my mom to my mom's face, and siding with me to mine. So I probably didn't pick the best MOH and I accept that. Luckily, my FI's sister and my bestfriend are super helpful and excited.
I have this irrational fear of talking to my estranged mother about my wedding. Mostly compounded by the fact that my 'MOH' sister is hyping it up to be something that would make her act crazy. And disown me. Which I know is ridiculous. But, it doesn't feel ridiculous when you've been trying to plan a wedding and haven't even told your mother yet.
But basically, I just need some advice about how to handle this from someone who has gone through it. It took me a month to start planning my wedding after I got engaged because I was so depressed that my mother did not want to be apart of it. I'm at the point now where I'm planning it, and I'm genuinely excited, but it's just so hard to picture an actual wedding without my mom.
I don't want my mom to miss out on the most important day of my life, but I feel like I need to prepare myself to accept that it might happen. I don't know if it's a good idea to try to write them out of the wedding planning process/wedding, or if I should fight to have them there. I haven't talked to her about this yet because I'm afraid that she won't want to be apart of it.