Substituting husband with +1

kimberly0315

I was talking with my friend last night who is starting to receive her RSVP's back.  She is having a smallish wedding (55 guests invited and 45ish coming).  It is just family and close friends.  She invited Mr. and Mrs. X to the wedding.  Mr. X can't come and Mrs. X has invited a friend to be her plus one.  No one knows the guest Mrs. X is planning to bring.  Mrs. X does have several other friends attending the wedding so she will have friends to talk to and sit with.  Is this ok to substitute your husband for a stranger?  If Mrs. X didn't know anyone else, I would say 100% yes it's ok.  Even if it was a big wedding it might not be odd.  But it is a small wedding.  How does this work?

When she asked I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for this.  I am now curious, so I know when we send out our invites.

misshart00

Technically, mrs x is in the wrong. If friend wanted to, she could call up mrs x and say that the invitation was only for mr and mrs x and they can't accommodate substitutions. Same thing applies no matter what size the wedding.

However, I would let it go. If you already budgeted for them, it's not a big deal to me.

Nymeru

I have quite a few couples where one person can't make it, so the other one is bringing someone else as a +1. I'm absolutely fine with it. I planned on 2 people coming, 2 people are coming, and this way my guests have someone they'd like to enjoy the wedding with. In most cases the +1 has been another member of their family, but even if they weren't I would still be ok with it, personally. I think this has much less to do with etiquette (because technically speaking I believe a good host allows their guests to have a +1) and much more to do with how the bride feels. What did she have to say about the situation?

southernbelle0915

kimberlyw939 said:

I was talking with my friend last night who is starting to receive her RSVP's back.  She is having a smallish wedding (55 guests invited and 45ish coming).  It is just family and close friends.  She invited Mr. and Mrs. X to the wedding.  Mr. X can't come and Mrs. X has invited a friend to be her plus one.  No one knows the guest Mrs. X is planning to bring.  Mrs. X does have several other friends attending the wedding so she will have friends to talk to and sit with.  Is this ok to substitute your husband for a stranger?  If Mrs. X didn't know anyone else, I would say 100% yes it's ok.  Even if it was a big wedding it might not be odd.  But it is a small wedding.  How does this work?

When she asked I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for this.  I am now curious, so I know when we send out our invites.

No. Mrs. X is being incredibly rude. Invitations are only for the people listed (Mr. And Mrs. X). If one or both can't go, they just don't go. It's way out of line and inappropriate to substitute. It doesn't matter whether Mrs. X knows any other guests or not. It's 100% inappropriate in 100% of circumstances. This is going to majorly piss off the bride and groom (although they'll probably be gracious to her face) and she should not do it.

ETA: the bride/groom should contact her and tell her "I'm sorry but the invitation is only for you and your husband. If your husband can't attend we'll put you down for one." Period.

kimberly0315

Nymeru said:

I have quite a few couples where one person can't make it, so the other one is bringing someone else as a +1. I'm absolutely fine with it. I planned on 2 people coming, 2 people are coming, and this way my guests have someone they'd like to enjoy the wedding with. In most cases the +1 has been another member of their family, but even if they weren't I would still be ok with it, personally. I think this has much less to do with etiquette (because technically speaking I believe a good host allows their guests to have a +1) and much more to do with how the bride feels. What did she have to say about the situation?

She didn't say much.  She was surprised about it, but didn't really want to have a stranger at her wedding.  Especially since it's not a big wedding.  

I told her that it was ultimately up to her and her FI.  But personally didn't know how that worked.  

mrskitty79

If Mrs. X knows in advance hubby can't attend, she should only rsvp with one attending.
However, if she responded that 2 were attending and at the last minute found out he could not attend, I think bringing a different person would be fine. The second person would already have been paid for, so that would not bother me.

lyndausvi

This one of those things that I had no problem with . If you want to switch your +plus on, go ahead.   NBD to me.

But really it's not proper to do.