Would you side eye this ? NWR

mysticl

lolo883 said:

jdluvr06 said:

HauteRoxy said:

I can't freaking believe Toys R Us has a birthday registry for KIDS. REALLY??!! 

It freaks me out and gives me etiquette heebie jeebies. Just does. It's rude (in my VERY humble opinion)

That being said, I have 2 kids, a girl who is 11, and a boy who will be 14 this moth. That being said, I got a LOT of kid bday parties under my belt.

Whenever they were invited to a party, when I called to RSVP, I would ask the parent(s) if there was anything specific little Johnny or Jane would like to have. 

If they say nothing in particular or something like that - I always let my kid pick out a gift they know for a fact their friend would dig, and I always placed a $20 limit on it. Just my thing throughout my kids' lives . . 

You guys must have much more formal birthday parties than we do. I've never seen any indication of having to RSVP to any birthday party I have ever gone to and I've never had anyone RSVP for parties I've thrown. We tend to only have people RSVP for weddings.

Seriously? I mean I've never seen a birthday invitation with a mail-back RSVP card, but yeah, I've always had to let the host know whether or not I was coming. Kid and adult birthday parties, family holidays, happy hour, game night, whatever. How is anyone able to plan a party if they don't know who's coming??

Same here. The RSVP was either my mom calling my friend's mom or me telling my friend in school.  My mom used to put "Regrets Only" on my party invites.  

Maggie0829

Count me as another who had to RSVP to all parties I was invited to.  I mean the RSVP is to help the hosts know how much food, cake and drinks to have available.  And with kids parties parents typically have small gift baggies (candy, party favors, crayons, etc) for the kids to take home so they will need a headcount for those as well.

RSVPing for anything that you are invited to whether it be an informal BBQ or a black tie wedding is pretty standard.

AddieCake

I've always RSVPd to birthday parties and fully expected guests to RSVP to mine.

Simply Fated

mysticl said:

@Simply Fated

I don't equate birthday parties with showers. I think bridal showers are incredibly rude because you are inviting me to a party with the sole purpose of soliciting a gift from me and I am also expected to bring a gift to your wedding.  I have less of a problem with baby showers because it is celebrating the arrival of the baby and I would get you a gift anyhow but I'm still not a huge fan.  However, a kids birthday party is a whole other ballgame. I'm being invited to celebrate the child having been on earth another year and I give a gift as a token of that.  I also give adults birthday gifts.  

You seem to think that wedding registries are for bridal showers only and they are not.  They are for the entire wedding process.  Plenty of people have wedding registries without having a shower.  Do you side eye them because a wedding isn't a gift giving occasion (only it really is)?  And as for setting up a couple in their new home how many people come on here saying they've been living together for X years and don't need anything but they are still encouraged to register to "upgrade" their stuff.  That's not setting up a new home.  They don't need that stuff to get by.  But it's considered completely acceptable. In fact they are advised to do it because some people are going to get them boxed gifts no matter what and that way it won't be random crap they don't like.  

So no, I don't see anything wrong with a mother giving general ideas of things her child might like when people set up registries telling you exactly what size, color, and style of something they want. Like I have said before maybe she did it because people asked her to.  Or maybe she did it because she was tired of people giving her kid clothes that didn't fit and toys that don't get played with. I think it's arbitrary to say it's okay to indicate your preferences for this gift giving occasion and not that one.  

WTF?  I never said anywhere at anytime that I thought wedding registries were only for showers. Of course people can use them for the actual wedding. Hence the term, "wedding registry."
I only ever said that wedding registry should be on shower invitations and not the wedding invitation. That is a popular opinion around here on TK.


I personally would never attend a wedding without giving some sort of gift. Same with a child's birthday party. So now it begs the question.... why is registry information wrong to include in a wedding invitation but not a birthday invitation, if both are events where gifts are expected?
We say on the Knot that you should never be presumptuous about receiving gifts. Why is it expected at a birthday party (regardless of the age) but not at a wedding?

mysticl

Simply Fated said:

mysticl said:

@Simply Fated

I don't equate birthday parties with showers. I think bridal showers are incredibly rude because you are inviting me to a party with the sole purpose of soliciting a gift from me and I am also expected to bring a gift to your wedding.  I have less of a problem with baby showers because it is celebrating the arrival of the baby and I would get you a gift anyhow but I'm still not a huge fan.  However, a kids birthday party is a whole other ballgame. I'm being invited to celebrate the child having been on earth another year and I give a gift as a token of that.  I also give adults birthday gifts.  

You seem to think that wedding registries are for bridal showers only and they are not.  They are for the entire wedding process.  Plenty of people have wedding registries without having a shower.  Do you side eye them because a wedding isn't a gift giving occasion (only it really is)?  And as for setting up a couple in their new home how many people come on here saying they've been living together for X years and don't need anything but they are still encouraged to register to "upgrade" their stuff.  That's not setting up a new home.  They don't need that stuff to get by.  But it's considered completely acceptable. In fact they are advised to do it because some people are going to get them boxed gifts no matter what and that way it won't be random crap they don't like.  

So no, I don't see anything wrong with a mother giving general ideas of things her child might like when people set up registries telling you exactly what size, color, and style of something they want. Like I have said before maybe she did it because people asked her to.  Or maybe she did it because she was tired of people giving her kid clothes that didn't fit and toys that don't get played with. I think it's arbitrary to say it's okay to indicate your preferences for this gift giving occasion and not that one.  

WTF?  I never said anywhere at anytime that I thought wedding registries were only for showers. Of course people can use them for the actual wedding. Hence the term, "wedding registry."
I only ever said that wedding registry should be on shower invitations and not the wedding invitation. That is a popular opinion around here on TK.


I personally would never attend a wedding without giving some sort of gift. Same with a child's birthday party. So now it begs the question.... why is registry information wrong to include in a wedding invitation but not a birthday invitation, if both are events where gifts are expected?
We say on the Knot that you should never be presumptuous about receiving gifts. Why is it expected at a birthday party (regardless of the age) but not at a wedding?

You were the one making the big deal about registries being okay for showers because the purpose of the shower it to buy people things.  To me that makes it sound like you don't agree with them for weddings. 

And gifts are expected at weddings. They flat out are. Everyone can say they aren't but we all know that's not actually true.  It's just rude to demand them or confront someone for not giving one but that holds true to every situation.  

Why is it wrong to include registry information on a wedding invitation?  Because once upon a time someone decided it was and people went along with it. Yes, I've seen it included in the wedding invite and said/thought "that's rude" because I've been told it's rude but when I actually think about it does it really bother me? No.  

Maggie0829

For me, a registry is more for a shower then a wedding.  Are gifts expected at a wedding even though they shouldn't be?  Sure.  But to me, including registry information into an invite to a wedding where the majority of the event is really supposed to be a thank you to your guests for attending is what makes it a no-no.  A birthday party, however, is not a thank you to your guests but rather a celebration for the guest of honor (kind of like a bridal shower) so saying "little Johnny wear a 4 and likes Spiderman" really doesn't offend me because a birthday party, especially for a little kid, is basically a gift giving event and that really isn't a registry as so much of a "hey you are probably going to wonder about this at some point so here it is and do with it as you wish."

jdluvr06

lolo883 said:

jdluvr06 said:

HauteRoxy said:

I can't freaking believe Toys R Us has a birthday registry for KIDS. REALLY??!! 

It freaks me out and gives me etiquette heebie jeebies. Just does. It's rude (in my VERY humble opinion)

That being said, I have 2 kids, a girl who is 11, and a boy who will be 14 this moth. That being said, I got a LOT of kid bday parties under my belt.

Whenever they were invited to a party, when I called to RSVP, I would ask the parent(s) if there was anything specific little Johnny or Jane would like to have. 

If they say nothing in particular or something like that - I always let my kid pick out a gift they know for a fact their friend would dig, and I always placed a $20 limit on it. Just my thing throughout my kids' lives . . 

You guys must have much more formal birthday parties than we do. I've never seen any indication of having to RSVP to any birthday party I have ever gone to and I've never had anyone RSVP for parties I've thrown. We tend to only have people RSVP for weddings.

Seriously? I mean I've never seen a birthday invitation with a mail-back RSVP card, but yeah, I've always had to let the host know whether or not I was coming. Kid and adult birthday parties, family holidays, happy hour, game night, whatever. How is anyone able to plan a party if they don't know who's coming??

Seriously. Of course we don't really send out "invites" for parties like that in my group. We either call or email people something along the lines of "we're having a party on so-and-so. Hope you can come".

lc07

It is kind to bring a gift to things like a birthday party, a wedding, a dinner party, etc but it is in no way required. It doesn't matter if people expect them or not. They are not required nor are they the point of the event. Therefore, it's tacky to presume your guests are bringing gifts. So you shouldn't put anything about them on the invitation.

Simply Fated

mysticl said:

Simply Fated said:

mysticl said:

@Simply Fated

I don't equate birthday parties with showers. I think bridal showers are incredibly rude because you are inviting me to a party with the sole purpose of soliciting a gift from me and I am also expected to bring a gift to your wedding.  I have less of a problem with baby showers because it is celebrating the arrival of the baby and I would get you a gift anyhow but I'm still not a huge fan.  However, a kids birthday party is a whole other ballgame. I'm being invited to celebrate the child having been on earth another year and I give a gift as a token of that.  I also give adults birthday gifts.  

You seem to think that wedding registries are for bridal showers only and they are not.  They are for the entire wedding process.  Plenty of people have wedding registries without having a shower.  Do you side eye them because a wedding isn't a gift giving occasion (only it really is)?  And as for setting up a couple in their new home how many people come on here saying they've been living together for X years and don't need anything but they are still encouraged to register to "upgrade" their stuff.  That's not setting up a new home.  They don't need that stuff to get by.  But it's considered completely acceptable. In fact they are advised to do it because some people are going to get them boxed gifts no matter what and that way it won't be random crap they don't like.  

So no, I don't see anything wrong with a mother giving general ideas of things her child might like when people set up registries telling you exactly what size, color, and style of something they want. Like I have said before maybe she did it because people asked her to.  Or maybe she did it because she was tired of people giving her kid clothes that didn't fit and toys that don't get played with. I think it's arbitrary to say it's okay to indicate your preferences for this gift giving occasion and not that one.  

WTF?  I never said anywhere at anytime that I thought wedding registries were only for showers. Of course people can use them for the actual wedding. Hence the term, "wedding registry."
I only ever said that wedding registry should be on shower invitations and not the wedding invitation. That is a popular opinion around here on TK.


I personally would never attend a wedding without giving some sort of gift. Same with a child's birthday party. So now it begs the question.... why is registry information wrong to include in a wedding invitation but not a birthday invitation, if both are events where gifts are expected?
We say on the Knot that you should never be presumptuous about receiving gifts. Why is it expected at a birthday party (regardless of the age) but not at a wedding?

You were the one making the big deal about registries being okay for showers because the purpose of the shower it to buy people things.  To me that makes it sound like you don't agree with them for weddings. 

And gifts are expected at weddings. They flat out are. Everyone can say they aren't but we all know that's not actually true.  It's just rude to demand them or confront someone for not giving one but that holds true to every situation.  

Why is it wrong to include registry information on a wedding invitation?  Because once upon a time someone decided it was and people went along with it. Yes, I've seen it included in the wedding invite and said/thought "that's rude" because I've been told it's rude but when I actually think about it does it really bother me? No.  

For the bolded part - Oh for heavens sake. We're talking about information about registry and gift ideas being on invitations. Not registries and gift ideas, in general. At no point did I imply otherwise.


Sometimes I just don't get why some things are against etiquette. Someone said something is okay so it's okay? If there is no logic behind it and it isn't consistent, then it's not something I can support as true. I understand why gift registries are a no no for wedding invitations. It has to do with the wedding couple/hosts being presumptuous. I understand why registry information is okay on shower invitations because the point of the party is to give and receive presents. Where do birthday parties fall in line with this? In my opinion, it's presumptuous, like it would be for a wedding invitation because the point of a birthday party is not to get gifts....Or maybe it is?

HauteRoxy

@jdluvr06

No - not formal . . but just a call to say my kid would indeed be coming (especially if it was a sleepover)  they never came with RSVP cards maybe like you are thinking. 

Someone else mentioned there's a space at the bottom of most kids' write-out invites for a phone number, usually the parent would write "RSVP to Jane by x date" or "Call Jane with regrets only please" 

Or something like that . . not formal at all . . or if the kids party was at an establishment where they needed an estimated head count (Chuck E Cheese, etc) 

HauteRoxy

OH! sorry a bit off topic . . I cannot tell you how awesome it is not to have to deal with kids' bday parties anymore. ahhhhh 

Sorry to you younger ladies who will have many many children and many bday parties . .  . lol 

Not that I didn't have a good time with my kids & those things, but some of the other parents could really make it hell. And when your kid loves the shit out of another kid, and thier parent is an a-hole. UGH. that's all to say. 

end totally off topic rant and I sincerely apologize. 

theartistformerlyknownas

HauteRoxy said:

OH! sorry a bit off topic . . I cannot tell you how awesome it is not to have to deal with kids' bday parties anymore. ahhhhh 

Sorry to you younger ladies who will have many many children and many bday parties . .  . lol 

Not that I didn't have a good time with my kids & those things, but some of the other parents could really make it hell. And when your kid loves the shit out of another kid, and thier parent is an a-hole. UGH. that's all to say. 

end totally off topic rant and I sincerely apologize. 

I really hate the "blowout party every year" phenomenon. We were allowed a "party" (6 or 8 friends over to the house, some streamers, cake from a mix) for our 7, 10, 13 and 16th birthdays. Years in between we had family over, and maybe one friend for a sleepover.

HauteRoxy

Ditto @lolo Exactly the same thing here! My kids are allowed a friend over for the night. I will take them to a movie or whatever. They get a pizza & a cake, and usually the family trickles by throughout the week . . I have the only grandkids so they get spoiled.

PrettyGirlLost

SJM7538 said:

So I have a good friend who has two boys that are about two weeks apart. One is 11 and the other is 4. So naturally she does a joint bday party every year.

She recently created the FB invite instead of sending out formal invites, totally fine, and the party is usually fun. For a kids party anyway. So this year she posted in the FB event "suggestions" for gifts for the boys. She included their clothing sizes and what their current interests are. Now I would never show up empty handed and it's not exactly ASKING got gifts but it seems a little presumptuous to me. Am I wrong?

What is there to side eye?

People would have asked those questions to begin with in order to figure out what gift to buy, your friend was just giving that info out preemptively.

Give your judgey pants a rest.

PrettyGirlLost

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

lc07

PrettyGirlLost said:

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

But isn't telling people on an invite suggestions for gifts expecting them?

theartistformerlyknownas

lc07 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

But isn't telling people on an invite suggestions for gifts expecting them?

No.

Simply Fated

lolo883 said:

lc07 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

But isn't telling people on an invite suggestions for gifts expecting them?

No.
----


So... what's the reason for not putting gift or registry information on wedding invitations?

SJM7538

Sooo I haven't been on in a few days and I never thought this thread would get so many responses so I wanted to provide an update. Apparently when she created the FB event last year for the kids bday she got a lot of questions on what they wanted/needed so she last year she posted in the FB event in response to all of the questions. And so when she created the event for this years party she just did the same thing and has received a lot if feedback that it is helpful. So it seems to be a more positive thing that anything else, at least in our circle. But I think all the different opinions are interesting.


I still am not a huge fan of FB invites though. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I still prefer to send an invitation in the mail.

Simply Fated

SJM7538 said:

Sooo I haven't been on in a few days and I never thought this thread would get so many responses so I wanted to provide an update. Apparently when she created the FB event last year for the kids bday she got a lot of questions on what they wanted/needed so she last year she posted in the FB event in response to all of the questions. And so when she created the event for this years party she just did the same thing and has received a lot if feedback that it is helpful. So it seems to be a more positive thing that anything else, at least in our circle. But I think all the different opinions are interesting. I still am not a huge fan of FB invites though. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I still prefer to send an invitation in the mail.

This makes more sense.

I'm not a fan of facebook invitations, either. I tend to not take them as seriously as delivered ones, if that makes sense?

Jen4948

Simply Fated said:

lc07 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

But isn't telling people on an invite suggestions for gifts expecting them?

No.

---- So... what's the reason for not putting gift or registry information on wedding invitations?

Although we say that going to a wedding requires giving the couple a gift, even for weddings gifts are optional.  That is, the lack of one can't be used as an entrance barrier, and the couple has to be gracious about receiving them and maintain the fiction that they didn't "expect" gifts.

By putting any gift or registry information in a wedding invitation, even a "no gifts" request, it suggests that the couple do "expect" gifts.  This comes off as grabby-as though the purpose of the invitation was to solicit gifts.

lc07

Although we say that going to a wedding requires giving the couple a gift, even for weddings gifts are optional.  That is, the lack of one can't be used as an entrance barrier, and the couple has to be gracious about receiving them and maintain the fiction that they didn't "expect" gifts.

By putting any gift or registry information in a wedding invitation, even a "no gifts" request, it suggests that the couple do "expect" gifts.  This comes off as grabby-as though the purpose of the invitation was to solicit gifts.

I agree with you. And I see putting it on a birthday party invite in the same light. I think @Simply Fated is saying she does too.

Simply Fated

Yup. ^

I know it's probably an UO, but I do see birthday party invitations the same as wedding invitations in that mentions of gifts shouldn't be on them. Same as... grad parties, retirement parties, etc.

lc07

Simply Fated said:

Yup. ^ I know it's probably an UO, but I do see birthday party invitations the same as wedding invitations in that mentions of gifts shouldn't be on them. Same as... grad parties, retirement parties, etc.

I'm surprised it's an UO. I'm trying to grasp the logic putting it on birthday invites being okay.

Edited to fix the fact that I don't make sense after one drink.

jenajjthr

I put birthday invitations in two categories, kids (12 and younger) and adults. For kid birthday parties I fully expect presents to be brought. I was a kid and my mom taught me to be gracious to gifts I didn't like. She always took me to buy gifts for parties I was invited to. 

As a parent I've never put registry information in a party invite in my kids birthday invite (ewwww, gross) nor have I put child likes disney movie of the summer or wears size x on it either. But I have fielded a ton of those questions. On a Facebook invite I would probably put that information, if I still had kids I did that with. Letting other parents know what your kids are interested in and what size they wear is useful information. Giving them a list of specific toys....no, just no. Save that for the grandparents, if they ask. FYI...why the cutoff age of 12? Our family kind of stops doing parties at 10 years old, we do a party again at 13, and if they ask 16. Neither of the boys asked at 16, we'll see if the stepdaughter does next year.

Adult parties is another thing all together. My opinion is an adult should never "expect" anything and be happy when its given. If invited to a birthday party, I'll show up with a card and something. My BIL brews his own beer, I know to get him something along those lines. My Niece and Nephew-in-Law are big gamers like me. Anything gaming related they would love. When all else fails, a gift card works every time. Since presents shouldn't be expected, anything registry related, even likes and sizes shouldn't be mentioned. 

Of course this is my family, to each their own though. 

ETA - words hard 

theartistformerlyknownas

Jen4948 said:

Simply Fated said:

lc07 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

These are just general comments that came to me after reading through this thread:

1st, gifts are never required for any event.  Normal adults with normal social skills and expectations do not expect gifts.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't expect gifts until proven otherwise.

2nd, gifts should always be given from the goodness of your own heart, and free of obligation or guilt.  You should give a gift because you truly care about the recipient and really want to give them something they will like.  You should never give a gift because you "have to"- "I'm going to this wedding so I have to give a gift."  No one wants to receive a gift where the thought behind it was one of obligation or societal pressure/guilt.

But isn't telling people on an invite suggestions for gifts expecting them?

No.

---- So... what's the reason for not putting gift or registry information on wedding invitations?

Although we say that going to a wedding requires giving the couple a gift, even for weddings gifts are optional.  That is, the lack of one can't be used as an entrance barrier, and the couple has to be gracious about receiving them and maintain the fiction that they didn't "expect" gifts.

By putting any gift or registry information in a wedding invitation, even a "no gifts" request, it suggests that the couple do "expect" gifts.  This comes off as grabby-as though the purpose of the invitation was to solicit gifts.

I see weddings as less of a boxed gift giving event than a child's birthday party, I guess. It's a ceremony with deep, somber meaning - the really joyous part is after, when the reception is the gift to the guests. I look at them more like a baptism or other similar ceremony where not everyone brings a gift, and those gifts that are given are more sentimental/symbolic in nature or cash for the child's nest egg. You don't give a tricycle for a baptism. Showers, absolutely boxed gift giving events with pretty specific history behind them, go ahead and suggest those gifts you might like. Weddings seem fit for more symbolic gifts, so I wouldn't list registry information because asking for a toaster at a ceremony seems so weird to me. 

Simply Fated

jenajjthr said:

I put birthday invitations in two categories, kids (12 and younger) and adults. For kid birthday parties I fully expect presents to be brought. I was a kid and my mom taught me to be gracious to gifts I didn't like. She always took me to buy gifts for parties I was invited to. 

As a parent I've never put registry information in a party invite in my kids birthday invite (ewwww, gross) nor have I put child likes disney movie of the summer or wears size x on it either. But I have fielded a ton of those questions. On a Facebook invite I would probably put that information, if I still had kids I did that with. Letting other parents know what your kids are interested in and what size they wear is useful information. Giving them a list of specific toys....no, just no. Save that for the grandparents, if they ask. FYI...why the cutoff age of 12? Our family kind of stops doing parties at 10 years old, we do a party again at 13, and if they ask 16. Neither of the boys asked at 16, we'll see if the stepdaughter does next year.

Adult parties is another thing all together. My opinion is an adult should never "expect" anything and be happy when its given. If invited to a birthday party, I'll show up with a card and something. My BIL brews his own beer, I know to get him something along those lines. My Niece and Nephew-in-Law are big gamers like me. Anything gaming related they would love. When all else fails, a gift card works every time. Since presents shouldn't be expected, anything registry related, even likes and sizes shouldn't be mentioned. 

Of course this is my family, to each their own though. 

ETA - words hard 

You first say that putting gift info on invitations is gross, but then said you would do it if you had sent out the invitations through Facebook. Why is that?

ashleyep

I agree with @Simply Fated that if we aren't allowed to put registry information on wedding invites then we shouldn't be able to put them in a birthday invite - with good reason. People give gifts at them, but they're not specifically gift-giving events like showers are.

So you can't say that putting registry info on a birthday invitation is *not* expecting gifts while simultaneously bashing brides on here for doing so on their wedding invitations.

That being said, an informal "Suzie is a size 2T and likes unicorns" on a Facebook invite wouldn't bother me. The mention is generic and the invitation is informal. 

Mentioning it on a mailed wedding invite - I might side-eye it. It's a more formal invite in that case.

A link to a registry in either case I would absolutely side eye the crap out of.

I also feel like there's an expectation that a couple registered and you know to go look for it at a wedding. But a lot of people really have a hard time buying kids gifts. It's much more helpful to them. Is that consistent across etiquette? No, but that's my feeling on it.

jenajjthr

Simply Fated said:

I put birthday invitations in two categories, kids (12 and younger) and adults. For kid birthday parties I fully expect presents to be brought. I was a kid and my mom taught me to be gracious to gifts I didn't like. She always took me to buy gifts for parties I was invited to. 

As a parent I've never put registry information in a party invite in my kids birthday invite (ewwww, gross) nor have I put child likes disney movie of the summer or wears size x on it either. But I have fielded a ton of those questions. On a Facebook invite I would probably put that information, if I still had kids I did that with. Letting other parents know what your kids are interested in and what size they wear is useful information. Giving them a list of specific toys....no, just no. Save that for the grandparents, if they ask. FYI...why the cutoff age of 12? Our family kind of stops doing parties at 10 years old, we do a party again at 13, and if they ask 16. Neither of the boys asked at 16, we'll see if the stepdaughter does next year.

Adult parties is another thing all together. My opinion is an adult should never "expect" anything and be happy when its given. If invited to a birthday party, I'll show up with a card and something. My BIL brews his own beer, I know to get him something along those lines. My Niece and Nephew-in-Law are big gamers like me. Anything gaming related they would love. When all else fails, a gift card works every time. Since presents shouldn't be expected, anything registry related, even likes and sizes shouldn't be mentioned. 

Of course this is my family, to each their own though. 

ETA - words hard 

You first say that putting gift info on invitations is gross, but then said you would do it if you had sent out the invitations through Facebook. Why is that?

Facebook invite, too me anyway, is less "formal" than a mailed invited. I could add it in as a comment, much like an insert. If that makes sense. And since it would be a kid birthday, adding in info about general likes and sizes for family members would be helpful. Which is who I'm friends with on Facebook. An adult invite would include no such information because that would fall into the "adult invite" belief system I have. 

It's a moot point though, as my youngest is 9. She will be having her last party this year and has already decided how she wants to hand out her invites. She's my girly girl, and I think she wants to draw her own invitations. 

Simply Fated

jenajjthr said:

Simply Fated said:

jenajjthr said:

I put birthday invitations in two categories, kids (12 and younger) and adults. For kid birthday parties I fully expect presents to be brought. I was a kid and my mom taught me to be gracious to gifts I didn't like. She always took me to buy gifts for parties I was invited to. 

As a parent I've never put registry information in a party invite in my kids birthday invite (ewwww, gross) nor have I put child likes disney movie of the summer or wears size x on it either. But I have fielded a ton of those questions. On a Facebook invite I would probably put that information, if I still had kids I did that with. Letting other parents know what your kids are interested in and what size they wear is useful information. Giving them a list of specific toys....no, just no. Save that for the grandparents, if they ask. FYI...why the cutoff age of 12? Our family kind of stops doing parties at 10 years old, we do a party again at 13, and if they ask 16. Neither of the boys asked at 16, we'll see if the stepdaughter does next year.

Adult parties is another thing all together. My opinion is an adult should never "expect" anything and be happy when its given. If invited to a birthday party, I'll show up with a card and something. My BIL brews his own beer, I know to get him something along those lines. My Niece and Nephew-in-Law are big gamers like me. Anything gaming related they would love. When all else fails, a gift card works every time. Since presents shouldn't be expected, anything registry related, even likes and sizes shouldn't be mentioned. 

Of course this is my family, to each their own though. 

ETA - words hard 

You first say that putting gift info on invitations is gross, but then said you would do it if you had sent out the invitations through Facebook. Why is that?

Facebook invite, too me anyway, is less "formal" than a mailed invited. I could add it in as a comment, much like an insert. If that makes sense. And since it would be a kid birthday, adding in info about general likes and sizes for family members would be helpful. Which is who I'm friends with on Facebook. An adult invite would include no such information because that would fall into the "adult invite" belief system I have. 

It's a moot point though, as my youngest is 9. She will be having her last party this year and has already decided how she wants to hand out her invites. She's my girly girl, and I think she wants to draw her own invitations. 

Those just don't seem like good reasons to me. Informal invitations or not, providing gift information on an invitation is presumptuous, regardless of age. Like with a formal invitation, if a guest wants to know gift imformation, they can ask. Verbal invitations are informal, but I would seriously side eye, "Please come to my daughter's birthday party! She loves ponies and Frozen."