friends getting married the week after we are...
Our friends booked their wedding venue (due to availability) one week after our wedding. We congratulated them and we are very excited, however, I thought they would understand we won't be attending because we will be on our honeymoon.
Separately the bride and groom have both asked FI and I when we are going on our honeymoon and expressed they really want us to attend the wedding. We have known this couple a while and are good friends. We aren't in each others wedding parties though.
FI feels that they knew our wedding date, and if we were VIPs they should have checked with us first. He thinks we should just send a gift.
I feel really bad about it. We haven't booked our honeymoon yet, and I don't know what to do. We can either stick to our original plan to go on our honeymoon right after the wedding and miss their wedding, or we postpone our honeymoon a week...but then what do we do with that extra time in between? Do we get married, go back to work, and then go on a honeymoon? or just take extra time off?
I think we will probably end up sending a gift, I just hope it doesn't hurt our friendship. Thoughts?
Re: friends getting married the week after we are...
My FI and I are saving our honeymoon for our first year anniversary. We're getting married in one week and are planning on spending 3 days at a spa afterwards to help us relax (a lovely gift from my boss), but due to new jobs, moving, etc. at this point we're just not in position to do anything more than that. Plus, the idea of taking a real trip totally separate from the wedding sounds flat-out amazing right now. We're both kind of over the hullabaloo of wedding planning. We want things to simmer down before we try to truly enjoy ourselves. At this point, I feel that it would be wasted if we jumped straight into a honeymoon trip.
But I agree with PP. If you really want to go to your friend's wedding, do it. If not, then don't. They'll understand if you'll be gone.
FI and I aren't going on our full-blown honeymoon until sometime next summer, partially to save up the money and partially because the thought of going on an international trip right after the wedding just sounded draining! Instead, we're renting a cabin nearby and having a really low-key minimoon right after the wedding. You guys could do something like that and still be able to make it to their wedding.
It all really depends on what you both want, though. Don't let them guilt you into changing your plans if you've been looking forward to a honeymoon right after the wedding.
Aside from that, you need to decide what is best for you. Go on the honeymoon. Go to the wedding. You and your FI should make the decision together.
I'm glad we made it to the wedding, but dancing still felt kind of painful until we limbered up (I had danced on my wedding night enough that I think I strained and pulled a few muscles - take a hot soak after your reception).
As for missing your friends wedding - I think they need to understand the circumstances. I've heard it mentioned on many other threads - a wedding invitation is not a subpoena. If you can make it - that's fantastic! If not - then you can't make it.
Everyone's relationship is different. You do not need to feel guilty for marrying before your friend. I was dating hubby for 7 years before we got engaged, whereas I watched a good friend of mine get engaged after 4 months. And my mother didn't get married until a year after I did, despite being with my step-father for 15 years. You have no reason to feel guilty and if she's doing or saying something that's making you feel guilty, that's her issue and not yours.
There are no rules about when the Honeymoon needs to be.
This is what we did:
We got married on a Saturday. Hubby and I took off the Monday after our wedding so we could just relax and spend the day together. And then we went back to work (we weren't actually living in the same state at the time, so he went back to work 5 hours away).
Then we met back up two weeks later to go on our honeymoon.
It worked out fine. There was no weirdness with work and because we took that one day off we were rested.
If you want it right after your wedding, that's fine. You don't need to explain yourselves to your friends. Just give them your best wishes and a gift if you'd like and go on your honeymoon.
If it's important to you to go to their wedding, just postpone the honeymoon.
It's totally up to you and there is no wrong answer. So just do what works best for you.
Let me share my tale of woe:
I was best friends with this girl since birth. She got engaged, then I did a few months later. When I became engaged we had a conversation about when we were thinking for weddings. She said she wanted to do May or June 2012. I said great, we are looking at September 2012. DH and I found an amazing venue that we loved and put down a deposit for September 15, 2012. I called this friend all excited as soon as we did and her response was "great, I have decided on September 21. My dad is taking the deposit this week." WTF?
I explained to her that based on our honeymoon plans we would not be able to make it to her wedding. She said that maybe we could change the plans, which I explained we couldn't (timing with DH's work schedule)
Fast forward to months of her countdown texts saying "can't wait to see you at the wedding" "get your dancing shoes on" etc. After the first 4-5 responses of "while we'd love to be there to celebrate with you, we unfortunately can't make it." I kinda stopped responding to the texts.
My wedding came and went, we left for our honeymoon and had a great time. Me and that lifelong friend have hardly spoken since. It sucks.
I just got back from wedding weekend two of three. The first was mine in DC, then a college friend's in Palm Beach, next is a highschool friend's in Long Island. I oouldn't stand the thought of missing them, and both girls were at my wedding (one was a bridesmaid!). So last week we went to work, flew to Palm Beach Saturday morning, got back Sunday, back at work, train to NY this Friday, etc. Normal life. Although I can't wait for the honeymoon in August! We put it off because these events were so important to us. So really just do what you think you need to do, and decide how important it is for you to be there.