Partial Cash Bar at Bridal Shower

perdonami

As some of you may already know, my aunt is hosting a co-ed bridal shower for us. I just discovered that she plans on hosting a partial cash bar: hosted soft drinks and beer/liqour is available at the bar but not hosted. She also plans on buying Costco sized bottles of wine to bring to the shower to offset the corkage fee. I asked her if it was possible to forego the cash bar and maybe not bring wine at all (it just seems tacky to me to bring extra large bottles of wine to reduce costs). She told me nope, that she asked my brothers what they would prefer and that is what they prefer.. I got reasonably upset over this.. I know the bride is not to be consulted on bridal shower arrangements but I would have preferred her to ask me what I felt was appropriate for beverages. I did however discover we have an ability of pulling back a curtain to seperate the bar from the room we will be in which is a bit of a plus. But, I just know my aunt is going to advertise there is a cash bar for anyone who doesn't want wine or soft drinks. A bit peeved.

gothic_fairy60

I don't think extra large bottles are tacky, but the cash bar is. You are right that the bride does not need to be consulted (although I fond it weird that your brothers were). In the end, she will be the one that looks tacky as she is hosting.

QueerFemme

I think I would probably raise more of a fuss about the cash bar thing, and offer to cover the costs. I know brides are supposed to graciously accept what is offered, but if the shower is being hosted at a restaurant (which I think is generally an expensive, bad idea in a lot of cases), the host needs to be prepared to pay for the party.

peachy13

Oh man, that's tough. You know she is graciously hosting the shower but maybe there is a way to say something like "honestly all the bridal showers I've been too lately have had an open bar of some sort, I've never really been to a shower and had to spend money... I don't want my guests to have to pay either..." Unless you have been to a shower with a cash bar, that might be a good opportunity to say how bad the shower was and how the guests were complaining!

Maggie0829

QueerFemme said:

I think I would probably raise more of a fuss about the cash bar thing, and offer to cover the costs. I know brides are supposed to graciously accept what is offered, but if the shower is being hosted at a restaurant (which I think is generally an expensive, bad idea in a lot of cases), the host needs to be prepared to pay for the party.

This.

I would talk to the venue myself and offer up my credit card and tell them to put any alcoholic drinks purchased on it.  Even though you aren't hosting it is a party for you and I would feel super awkward having my family and friends who are their to celebrate me shell out money for drinks.

southernbelle0915

Maggie0829 said:

I would talk to the venue myself and offer up my credit card and tell them to put any alcoholic drinks purchased on it.  Even though you aren't hosting it is a party for you and I would feel super awkward having my family and friends who are their to celebrate me shell out money for drinks.

This is a good idea. If it's a bridal shower in the afternoon, I doubt people will be heavily drinking so it probably won't be too staggering of a tab (hopefully). Your aunt seems pretty stubborn, so I'd take Maggie's advice and call the venue directly.

RebeccaFlower

I am seriously wondering why there needs to be more than wine and soft drinks at a shower? Sorry OP. I'm with Maggie. 

Jen4948

Why is it up to your brothers and not you whether or not there is a cash bar at a shower for you? Makes. No. Sense. I agree with Maggie. Call the venue and get rid of that cash bar.

thisismynickname2

Hm.... Here's another idea.  I've been to two lovely showers at restaurants. One had just soft drinks provided with the meal and there was alcoholic punch available as everyone mingled pre-meal.  The other had wine service with the meal and guests could choose between one glass of a red and one glass of a white.

Showers are in the afternoon, after all. No need to get crazy.  Those options likely didn't break the budgets for the hosts. 

Wegl13

I'm not sure I would offer up my credit card to pay for the bar myself... I mean, you're not the host, it's a party in your honor, I think paying for everyone's drinks is a poor choice. Tell her you're not comfortable with it, once, then let it go. You aren't the host. You are not responsible. This is kind of like if someone throws you a surprise birthday party and doesn't bring birthday cake- it sucks, your friends are going to be disappointed they didn't have cake, but you shouldn't go buy one to appease everyone! You are a guest at the party!

I also don't agree with calling the venue behind her back. That seems ungrateful to me- let her do her thing. Again, she's the host, not you. Express to her (and maybe the genius brothers) that you're not a fan. And then just deal.

NYCMercedes

Wegl13 said:

I'm not sure I would offer up my credit card to pay for the bar myself... I mean, you're not the host, it's a party in your honor, I think paying for everyone's drinks is a poor choice. Tell her you're not comfortable with it, once, then let it go. You aren't the host. You are not responsible. This is kind of like if someone throws you a surprise birthday party and doesn't bring birthday cake- it sucks, your friends are going to be disappointed they didn't have cake, but you shouldn't go buy one to appease everyone! You are a guest at the party!

I also don't agree with calling the venue behind her back. That seems ungrateful to me- let her do her thing. Again, she's the host, not you. Express to her (and maybe the genius brothers) that you're not a fan. And then just deal.

No. It's as if she's charging for cake and giving an Andes mint for free. No way is it appropriate. OP, talk to your brothers or/and your mom or dad, whoever is closest to the aunt. Ask them to offer to foot the bill for the booze and you'll reimburse your close family member.

southernbelle0915

NYCMercedes said:

Wegl13 said:

I'm not sure I would offer up my credit card to pay for the bar myself... I mean, you're not the host, it's a party in your honor, I think paying for everyone's drinks is a poor choice. Tell her you're not comfortable with it, once, then let it go. You aren't the host. You are not responsible. This is kind of like if someone throws you a surprise birthday party and doesn't bring birthday cake- it sucks, your friends are going to be disappointed they didn't have cake, but you shouldn't go buy one to appease everyone! You are a guest at the party!

I also don't agree with calling the venue behind her back. That seems ungrateful to me- let her do her thing. Again, she's the host, not you. Express to her (and maybe the genius brothers) that you're not a fan. And then just deal.

No. It's as if she's charging for cake and giving an Andes mint for free. No way is it appropriate. OP, talk to your brothers or/and your mom or dad, whoever is closest to the aunt. Ask them to offer to foot the bill for the booze and you'll reimburse your close family member.

YES!! One of the best analogies I've seen in a while!

perdonami

NYCMercedes said:

Wegl13 said:

I'm not sure I would offer up my credit card to pay for the bar myself... I mean, you're not the host, it's a party in your honor, I think paying for everyone's drinks is a poor choice. Tell her you're not comfortable with it, once, then let it go. You aren't the host. You are not responsible. This is kind of like if someone throws you a surprise birthday party and doesn't bring birthday cake- it sucks, your friends are going to be disappointed they didn't have cake, but you shouldn't go buy one to appease everyone! You are a guest at the party!

I also don't agree with calling the venue behind her back. That seems ungrateful to me- let her do her thing. Again, she's the host, not you. Express to her (and maybe the genius brothers) that you're not a fan. And then just deal.

No. It's as if she's charging for cake and giving an Andes mint for free. No way is it appropriate. OP, talk to your brothers or/and your mom or dad, whoever is closest to the aunt. Ask them to offer to foot the bill for the booze and you'll reimburse your close family member.

Both my brothers are close to my aunt but they think I am being a snob about all this. I like the idea of placing my credit card on file but if she finds out, it will not end well. Which I can understand. 

I have been thinking about this a lot today and haven't really come up with any solutions.. Lets just hope that since its during the day and there is a way to block the bar from view, no one will think to get a different drink than what is offered.