Is it rude to have a soft bar, if a full bar would cost roughly the same?

jenijoyk

We are going back and forth on whether to host an open soft bar (beer, wine, and sangria only) or an open full bar at our wedding reception. We are paying by the drink, not by the head, and honestly, it will probably end up costing about the same, and would be within our budget, either way. (We're beer nerds and so we're offering some fancy beers that aren't really that much cheaper than a mixed drink.)

The reason we originally decided against a full bar is that we have a few (<15) heavy drinking guests that we must invite, and its harder to get embarassingly drunk on beer than it is on martinis. I just have nightmares about someone throwing up on my auntie, falling into the fountain, or inappropriately hitting on a 17 year old. Is this a really terrible reason to eschew liquor for everyone else? Am I turning my wedding reception into a Nanny State?

On the other hand, I'm worried that if we don't serve liquor, we might lose guests to the adjacent bars. Our reception is in an open courtyard, with two bars adjacent. I'd hate for people to leave the reception to do shots or something (that they would obviously be paying for themselves). Or worse, get a mixed drink and then get caught bringing it back into the reception and having a security guard chastise them and take it away (mortifying - for everyone) because our caterer has already warned us that no one can bring outside drinks into the courtyard, for obvious reasons.

My fiance has deferred this decision to me and neither of our immediate families drink much at all and so have no real opinion.  I just want to keep my reception from becoming a drunken sh!tshow, but I definitely don't want to be rude. What do you guys think? Anyone struggled with the full bar/soft bar issue for reasons that are unrelated to cost?

climbingsingle

I can get just as drunk on beer or wine or sangria as I can on liquor. I think it's silly to eliminate liquor because you're worried about some guests getting drunk. If someone is going to overindulge, they can easily do that on wine. 

If you're that concerned about this, then have a dry wedding. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Rude? No. Unnecessary? Yes. Drunks will get drunk on whatever they can get their hands on. They're not suddenly going to develop restraint just because their options are limited. It's up to your bartender to ensure no one is over-served. 

As long as whatever you offer is fully hosted, you can offer whatever you want. Just don't allow the poor behaviors of a few people to make your decision for you.

RebeccaFlower

We also paid by drink and we ended up having only beer & wine. Everyone was happy with it (ecstatic is more like it since cash bars are rampant in my area) and no one got wasted. It definitely saved us money based on the drink, but we were also a little worried about H's college buddies. 

I'm a little confused about the adjacent bar, so maybe you should have a sign saying what you're hosting from 'your' bar and that outside drinks can not be brought into your reception area? 

southernbelle0915

If you're paying by the drink either way and you estimate the cost will be the same, my vote goes to a full open bar. Why not? I don't think people getting more drunk is a real thing. Everyone is an adult and will either get drunk or not - their potion of choice won't really make a difference.

cowgirl8238

Honestly limiting the choices of everyone becuase you are worried about a few doesn't make any sense. A good bartender will cut off someone who is having too much; and honestly, their bad behavior is a reflection of themselves, and only themselves (i.e. nothing to so wiht you). As long as it is fully hosted any option is fine. Is this a night time party? Or Afternoon wedding? Afternoon weddings don't lend themselves to shots as much as a night wedding does, and IMO if you want a kick ass, all night wedding you're better off with the full open bar. One other note which goes along with what Rebecca mentioned is spreading through word of mouth that the bars outside the pavillion are not part of your wedding, and that anyone with outside drink will be escorted out. This isn't something I would post or make a bunch of signs for (although one sign by your bar advertising your drinks is perfectly fine) but just share with a few blabber mouths and let it spread. Good luck and happy planning! edit to clarify

mysticl

jenijoyk said:

We are going back and forth on whether to host an open soft bar (beer, wine, and sangria only) or an open full bar at our wedding reception. We are paying by the drink, not by the head, and honestly, it will probably end up costing about the same, and would be within our budget, either way. (We're beer nerds and so we're offering some fancy beers that aren't really that much cheaper than a mixed drink.)

The reason we originally decided against a full bar is that we have a few (<15) heavy drinking guests that we must invite, and its harder to get embarassingly drunk on beer than it is on martinis. I just have nightmares about someone throwing up on my auntie, falling into the fountain, or inappropriately hitting on a 17 year old. Is this a really terrible reason to eschew liquor for everyone else? Am I turning my wedding reception into a Nanny State?

On the other hand, I'm worried that if we don't serve liquor, we might lose guests to the adjacent bars. Our reception is in an open courtyard, with two bars adjacent. I'd hate for people to leave the reception to do shots or something (that they would obviously be paying for themselves). Or worse, get a mixed drink and then get caught bringing it back into the reception and having a security guard chastise them and take it away (mortifying - for everyone) because our caterer has already warned us that no one can bring outside drinks into the courtyard, for obvious reasons.

My fiance has deferred this decision to me and neither of our immediate families drink much at all and so have no real opinion.  I just want to keep my reception from becoming a drunken sh!tshow, but I definitely don't want to be rude. What do you guys think? Anyone struggled with the full bar/soft bar issue for reasons that are unrelated to cost?

To the first bold: Have you ever been to a fraternity party?  It is not at all difficult to get completely sloshed on beer and wine.  

To the second bold: You will most likely lose people to the bar.  I have been to events in hotels that had either no bar or a limited bar.  The people that wanted to drink left the event and went to the hotel bar.  And sometimes they stayed there for a while.  Also, your heavy drinkers will figure that out right away so if they want a martini they will find it.

There is nothing wrong with serving just beer, wine, and sangria but it won't keep people from getting drunk so if that is your primary reason don't worry about it.  

Maggie0829

I can get piss ass drunk off beer, wine and sangria.  I have done it before at weddings and I am sure it will happen again.  So to limit your choices because you don't want people to get drunk is kind of silly.

Jen4948

The only way you can prevent people from getting drunk at your wedding (and this is not 100% drunk-proof) is to not serve alcohol.  Even if you do this, people may still find a way to sneak alcohol in or drink it on the sly (going outside and off grounds for drinks).

If you want to serve alcohol at all, there is a chance that someone will get drunk.

If you really want the full open bar, go for it.  There's no point in limiting yourself to a soft bar if the purpose is to prevent drunkenness.

AmaCassidy

I actually get drunk far quicker off of wine than anything else, so I think having a soft bar just so that people wouldn't get drunk wouldn't work, at all. Plus if your heavy drinkers want to drink, they will drink whatever is on offer. If you are honestly that worried about people getting very drunk, I'd make it a dry wedding. But your reasoning for having a soft bar won't work.

lyndausvi

AmaCassidy said:

I actually get drunk far quicker off of wine than anything else, so I think having a soft bar just so that people wouldn't get drunk wouldn't work, at all. Plus if your heavy drinkers want to drink, they will drink whatever is on offer. If you are honestly that worried about people getting very drunk, I'd make it a dry wedding. But your reasoning for having a soft bar won't work.

Me too.

Assuming the costs are about the same I think it's silly to limit the majority of your guests the type of drinks they would prefer because of the actions of a few.   

I like to host guests. I get real joy from seeing my guests happy.    So it doesn't matter if it's food or beverages I try and offer the most amount of options my budget will allow.   If it's only beer and wine, so be it.  If it's more great.  

The actions of a few guests never come into play on how I host the group as a whole.

April192002

If you provide free drinks and enough nonalcoholic drinks for everyone then, as far as drinks are concerned, you are being a good host. You can make the decision to provide alcoholic drinks, whether it be one glass of champaign to a full open bar, and as long as it's free you are still a good host. It would be crappy of a guest to leave your reception because they do not like the free options, but if they feel so strongly about having alcohol, or a specific drink available at the venue, then let them be crappy and spend their own money. I think you're fine with just a soft bar and wouldn't spend that extra little bit to upgrade unless YOU want to. Also, these are adults and it sounds like you'll probably have a licensed bartender provided by the venue so I wouldn't worry about trying to control their drinking habits.

photokitty

It is not rude to host whatever you want for whatever reason - as long as you are hosting it (i.e. no paying by guests).

If your guests ;eave to go buy alcohol elsewhere and try to sneak it in - they are rude, not you.

If it costs the same I'd vote for full bar, but you're not being rude if you decided to limit it to beer, wine and sangria.

PrettyGirlLost

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I can get just as drunk on beer or wine or sangria as I can on liquor. I think it's silly to eliminate liquor because you're worried about some guests getting drunk. If someone is going to overindulge, they can easily do that on wine. 

If you're that concerned about this, then have a dry wedding. 

^This.  It's a fallacy that you can't get as drunk off of beer and wine as you can from liquor  If you are drinking craft beers or wines that have a high percentage of alcohol, and you are slamming them back, you are going to get drunk.

A beer is going to be 200 proof, true, but it all adds up.

aurianna

If you can give your guests more options for the same price, that's totally what I would do.

So... story:
I hate beer, and I was never a big wine drinker. I'm a cocktail girl. Then two weeks ago I went to a wedding where the liquor cost money but the wine was free. Due to other circumstances, I wanted to take full advantage of the bar, so I started downing the white wine.

As I normally drink cocktails, I know my limit. But here I was thinking wine wasn't more than grape juice. I had no idea 7 glasses was supposedly a lot.
Long story short... Aside from my bachelorette party, I got the drunkest I'd ever been. No puking (on auntie or otherwise), but I could have easily found a way to embarrass myself if the right scenario had occurred.
I imagine sangria would have done this to me as well, if not more so, since it actually tastes good.


SO, if your main consideration for this is not cost, but rather people's over-indulging... that might happen no matter what you do, so probably better to just give more options.

PrettyGirlLost

aurianna said:

If you can give your guests more options for the same price, that's totally what I would do.

So... story:
I hate beer, and I was never a big wine drinker. I'm a cocktail girl. Then two weeks ago I went to a wedding where the liquor cost money but the wine was free. Due to other circumstances, I wanted to take full advantage of the bar, so I started downing the white wine.

As I normally drink cocktails, I know my limit. But here I was thinking wine wasn't more than grape juice. I had no idea 7 glasses was supposedly a lot.
Long story short... Aside from my bachelorette party, I got the drunkest I'd ever been. No puking (on auntie or otherwise), but I could have easily found a way to embarrass myself if the right scenario had occurred.
I imagine sangria would have done this to me as well, if not more so, since it actually tastes good.


SO, if your main consideration for this is not cost, but rather people's over-indulging... that might happen no matter what you do, so probably better to just give more options.

Real Sangria isn't just wine and fruit- it's usually wine, brandy, and Grand Marnier and fruit. It will knock you on your ass, lol!

theartistformerlyknownas

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

If you can give your guests more options for the same price, that's totally what I would do.

So... story:
I hate beer, and I was never a big wine drinker. I'm a cocktail girl. Then two weeks ago I went to a wedding where the liquor cost money but the wine was free. Due to other circumstances, I wanted to take full advantage of the bar, so I started downing the white wine.

As I normally drink cocktails, I know my limit. But here I was thinking wine wasn't more than grape juice. I had no idea 7 glasses was supposedly a lot.
Long story short... Aside from my bachelorette party, I got the drunkest I'd ever been. No puking (on auntie or otherwise), but I could have easily found a way to embarrass myself if the right scenario had occurred.
I imagine sangria would have done this to me as well, if not more so, since it actually tastes good.


SO, if your main consideration for this is not cost, but rather people's over-indulging... that might happen no matter what you do, so probably better to just give more options.

Real Sangria isn't just wine and fruit- it's usually wine, brandy, and Grand Marnier and fruit. It will knock you on your ass, lol!

Lord yes it will. There's a place near me that serves it by the pitcher, and I have on more than on occasion tried to stand up thinking I was "serfectly pober" and discovered I no longer possessed the ability to walk. 

I actually think that given the choice, people may drink FEWER cocktails than they do beers. If I'm drinking beer, I can slam it like water. I could put back 12 if I was thirsty and not puke on Auntie. With a 7&7 I'll have maybe 5. Wine, 3 or 4 glasses (wine gets me drunkest). Our venue is consumption based too, and cocktails don't cost much more than beer, but we're thinking we may get off cheaper with our full, premium bar because people drink less volume. (Maybe not, but it'll be a damn good party!)

MandyMost

I agree with others that it doesn't really make sense to limit the bar just because you're worried about some drunks.

However, your throwing an event to be the way that YOU want it to be. Cost isn't the only factor here, obviously. I'm assuming you could have found a cheaper venue, but it just wasn't your vision, right? Or you could have had a band instead of a DJ (or vice versa), or you could do buffet instead of a plated meal (or vice versa). You chose what you chose because it's how you envision your event. So, if you envision your event with a limited bar, then go for it. It's perfectly fine! You don't have to serve every kind of alcohol just like you don't have to serve every kind of food.

Nymeru

I think it's about knowing what your more alcoholically-inclined guests are like.  I have two uncles and a brother who are alcoholics, and will get drunk off of anything.  However, they are hard alcohol guys.  They like beer, and will drink it all night, BUT their beer-drunk selves are nowhere near as bad/ugly as their hard alcohol-drunk selves.  This is the primary reason we're going with a soft bar.  We can't stop them from indulging (and no bartender ever seems to cut them off because they hold their liquor well in front of them), but we can slow it down and make it not as bad as it could be.

[Deleted User]

As long as your not having a cash bar, I think you should have whatever type of bar you want. If I went to a wedding & couldn't have a mixed drink I would be fine with beer or wine. It's still a free drink. You know your guests with drinking issues. I have know people who are fine when drinking beer and yes they can still get drunk, but when it comes to certain types of hard liquor, they become ugly & sometimes mean drunks too. If I knew I had people like that coming to my wedding, I would have considered not having hard liquor at my wedding too.

kiwikiss56

I vote full bar but no shots