Two best friends get engaged two weeks apart...claws come out

Favouritecake

I need some sound advice for a friend of mine who recently got engaged.

Long story short, she got engaged about two weeks after her best friend (note, they live in different countries and their fiancées do not know each other, so was totally by coincidence) anyway, the first girl is basically now completely upset at my friend for (and I quote) "Getting engaged so soon after I did which is really rude and inconsiderate." She is seriously mad. Okay so we know this chick has some serious issues which I won't share my opinions on, but how do you deal with something like this?

My friend is gutted as not only has her excitement of the engagement been tainted, she's now questioning the friendship with this girl she has known forever. She's hoping it's just temporary bridal insanity but has this happened to you or someone you know? How did you deal?

I've told her my thoughts but would love to hear from you knottie experts!

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

It was a complete coincidence!  Why side-eye the friend?  She didnt know!  That's crazy.

I hope this blows over and they can both have fun planning their weddings and bouncing ideas off each other.  I wish your friend would look on the bright side.

If my friend got engaged 2 weeks after me, I would be caught up in her excitement, not mad at her...

Favouritecake

That's exactly what I thought! I told her to let her cool down and hopefully wait for an apology. And if that doesn't happen, then the relationship may need to be assessed. So sad!

RebeccaFlower

How can you get pissed at someone for something they didn't know? I would also seriously be questioning this friendship based on her serious narsisism. 

slothiegal

In regards to you, help your friend celebrate and make this a special time for her--I remember having so much fun during those first few weeks after getting engaged, from telling everybody I knew to looking at my ring every two minutes in disbelief. Don't let her "friend's" negativity ruin that for her. As for this first girl, well....homegirl be cray cray. I'd suggest that your friend stay away (at least for the time being); no need to let her narcissism drag her down. Besides, call me crazy, but I have a hunch that this will NOT be the last hissy fit she throws during the wedding planning process and I'm guessing your friend wants no part of that train wreck... ETA: Om nom nom TK ate my paragraphs

tammym1001

DH's nieces who are sisters both got engaged on Christmas Eve last year. Their FI's didn't discuss it with anyone so it was pure coincidence. How did they handle it? They went to bridal shows together and got discounts with vendors for both of them booking and everyone was super excited for them. This girl is crazy! It's unfortunate for your friend, but just try to be as excited for her as you can and tell her to enjoy this time in her life. I have a feeling if that was her "friend's" reaction then her attitude through wedding planning is going to get much, much worse.

drptobe14

This has always confused me. Was friend #2 supposed to stop her FI mid-proposal? I can just imagine her FI down on one knee spilling his guts, and her saying "We can't do this right now because it'll upset friend #1!" I'd definitely distance myself from friend #1 and not make her a BM, if she was thinking of going that route.

bunnyprincess2014

I got engaged 2 days after my best friend. It was just a coincidence that our FIs decided to plan out the proposals so close together (hers was on a trip right before xmas, mine was xmas morning), and neither guy had discussed it with the other. We are both thrilled for each other (and will be in each other's wedding parties) and it has been really great having a close friend also engaged so we can talk about wedding stuff without annoying/boring other people who really don't want to hear us blather on about our weddings.

There is no reason for the engaged-first friend to be angry at the engaged-second friend. If the engaged-first friend continues to hold a grudge and cannot set her jealousy/unwarranted anger aside, I think engaged-second friend should seriously reconsider the friendship. Weddings are not competitions and a friend should be happy for a friend when she has an exciting and wonderful life event like a proposal.

southernbelle0915

Favouritecake said:

....how do you deal with something like this?....



SITB

Is logic an option? If you've already tried to explain its not this girl's fault and they should be happy for each other...and BSC girl isn't having it.... Well there's obviously nothing that will change her mind so avoid wedding talk with her or get some popcorn.

sarahufl

She sounds dumb. One of my closest friends got engaged a few weeks after me. I was so excited. Since then, we have been sharing our wedding plans with each other. It has been fun. At no point did it cross my mind to be pissed off about it!

mrscomposer

My sister's wedding is within a month, and my fiance asked her if she would be okay with us getting engaged before she was married.  Her response?  "You could propose at our rehearsal dinner and I'd be ecstatic".

I love my sister.

lovesclimbing

My two sisters got engaged about three weeks apart.  I got engaged five days before a friend's wedding and a week and a half before a cousin's wedding.  I have two cousins who got married four days apart.

I certainly hope none of them were mad at me or each other. It's life.  None of us are trying to outdo each other, we just want to live our lives.  As long as the friends don't talk all about their upcoming weddings/parties at each others weddings/parties, no need to get your panties in a twist.

Favouritecake

Thanks ladies! You've confirmed my own thoughts, and it's good to hear your experiences. We'll see what happens and hopefully it will all blow over. Thanks again! xx

climbingsingle

This is bananas. 

My cousin (only female cousin on my dad's side) got engaged two weeks after me. And her wedding is 3 weeks before mine. Am I mad? Nope! Not one bit. I'm ecstatic for her! 

Marzipan13

Does she realize the sheer number of people who get engaged every day, all over the world?  What, is she upset at all of them, too?  Good Lord.

HaileyDancingbear

Favouritecake said:

I need some sound advice for a friend of mine who recently got engaged. Long story short, she got engaged about two weeks after her best friend (note, they live in different countries and their fiancées do not know each other, so was totally by coincidence) anyway, the first girl is basically now completely upset at my friend for (and I quote) "Getting engaged so soon after I did which is really rude and inconsiderate." She is seriously mad. Okay so we know this chick has some serious issues which I won't share my opinions on, but how do you deal with something like this? My friend is gutted as not only has her excitement of the engagement been tainted, she's now questioning the friendship with this girl she has known forever. She's hoping it's just temporary bridal insanity but has this happened to you or someone you know? How did you deal? I've told her my thoughts but would love to hear from you knottie experts!

The second bold is the accurate, reasonable response- your friend did absolutely nothing wrong and does not need to plan her own love life around her friend's shitty attitude.  In your friend's shoes, I would absolutely drop the friendship- a real friend would have been absolutely happy to hear the good news.

The first bold is just gross.  Seriously, the person who said that is just being dramatic and CRAZY.  How dare she expect your friend to plan her love life around hers?  Does she think she's the center of the universe?  She is nutty and rude and MEAN.  Your friend should ditch this person.  They may have known each other for a while, but clearly your friend has matured while this person hasn't matured past high school. 

peachy13

Yikes your first friend sounds like a lot of drama! I'm sure by now you've already told her a bunch of times that the second friend knew nothing of the proposal and isn't trying to do this to hurt her or steal her thunder. 

I think it would be wise as others said, to celebrate with both friends individually. Maybe you could be the middle man with both girls about their plans and what dates they set. When one friend announces her date, you could tell the other one immediately so that their weddings aren't too close to each other.

brideofginger

A co-worker and I got engaged about two weeks away from each other. Granted we're not best friends, but it has been no big deal at all, and we've even been able to compare notes on various things even though we're planning very different weddings. It's stupid that the other girl is mad. I don't have any sisters or older girl cousins, and all of my female friends have been long married, eloped, or never married, so I consider it a huge bonus to even have someone around who knows what I'm going through.

Vivandiere8

Wow... you know after I got engaged I remember hoping that maybe it would inspire my friend's long term boyfriend to pop the question soon as well. It didn't, but I know how much my friend wants to be engaged (it's what they are headed for but he wants to finish college first) and I would have been trilled for her if it had happened a few weeks later.

lovesclimbing

I do not understand this mentality at all. I would have LOVED it if I had had a friend engaged at te same time I was.

bananasplit472001

People need to understand that just because their life is moving forward doesn't mean everyone's life that is close to them needs to come to a halt. My sister did this shit with me and I was engaged and entire YEAR after she was she her wedding date was not even set.

MrsDeRuyter87

Your friend gets one day. That's all that needs to be said.

twitterbird

One of my friends was engaged about 2 months before me. She was thrilled for me and we've had a ball sharing planning.

novella1186

One of my friends got engaged right after me and I was like "yes! Let's chat about wedding stuff!" We were both super excited to be able to share the experience and give each other ideas, etc. I can't imagine ruining someone's special moment because mine was in close proximity. What a total biotch.

 Tell your friend that chick is a psycho and she shouldn't let it get her down. Maybe she should very calmly explain her point of view on this and explain that crazy bitch really hurt her feelings, and then leave it at that. From there, it's up to crazy bitch to realize she was way out of line and apologize. 

vh2014

bunnyprincess2014 said:

I got engaged 2 days after my best friend. It was just a coincidence that our FIs decided to plan out the proposals so close together (hers was on a trip right before xmas, mine was xmas morning), and neither guy had discussed it with the other. We are both thrilled for each other (and will be in each other's wedding parties) and it has been really great having a close friend also engaged so we can talk about wedding stuff without annoying/boring other people who really don't want to hear us blather on about our weddings.

There is no reason for the engaged-first friend to be angry at the engaged-second friend. If the engaged-first friend continues to hold a grudge and cannot set her jealousy/unwarranted anger aside, I think engaged-second friend should seriously reconsider the friendship. Weddings are not competitions and a friend should be happy for a friend when she has an exciting and wonderful life event like a proposal.

My best friend got engaged shortly after I did.  I so agree with you... it has been AMAZING having someone as into the "wedding stuff" as I am.  Her wedding is going to be totally different and so we've both gotten to do really different things because we are talking about 2 weddings and if it doesn't work for one, it might work for the other.  Hopefully the friend will come around. 

beethery

My friend is on the verge of getting engaged, and I am super DUPER jazzed for her. I can't imagine being pressed about anyone else getting engaged in the same friggin century that I was. That is crazy-person behavior.

christinethebean88

I got engaged about a week after my cousin and it never even crossed my mind that it could be a problem!  We were both so excited for each other, it never even crossed my mind that she would be upset about it!