Wedding Party

Momzilla...

krcbkrcb member
25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Wedding Party
I made a board a while back about my FI not wanting groommen's, and my parents flipped out (they're paying for the wedding). FI decided on his own with no coercion that he would have members of his family be GM. 

 We went and looked at suits and ran into the new Vera Wang line at Men's Wearhouse. FI has a very slim physique so the slim fit seemed perfect for him - only problem is it would cost $190 to rent with the coupon! My mom had invited herself along and even got my dad to come up there, and when we decided to wait to rent to make sure the other GMs could afford it, they were pretty mad. We just didn't want to commit to the tux and price without knowing what his family could afford. All we wanted to do was just go look at the tuxes really quickly and get an idea of prices to relay back. :( 

 Anyway, so now FI looked elsewhere and found what he believes is just as nice of a suit but it would cost $60-$70 less to rent. Only "problem" is their tie choices do not exactly match the BMs. My mom found out about this and started yelling at me about how they're (my parents) paying thousands of dollars and the LEAST his family could do is order the tuxes with the right tie color! She demanded that I tell FI that if they cannot afford the expensive tux, then they can just forget being in the wedding. 

 .....so, ladies, how important is the tie exactly matching? I honestly do not care as long as they look close enough to the same shade.

edited: trying to get paragraphs
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Re: Momzilla...

  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I am really sorry to say this but your Mother is BSC. She needs to have a margarita and take a nice relaxing bubble bath. With that said, our GMs wore purple ties while my girls wore green dresses so, yeah, the ties don't have to match.

    SITB:
    Thank you, you just made me laugh haha she actually just called me up yelling at me since I made the board. She was yelling about that "FI is too cheap."
    I don't know if I can not do the matchy-match with how hysterical she is being. She's yelled "it's the only thing they're paying for! WE ARE PAYING THOUSANDS!"
    ...one downfall of accepting your parents offer to pay is that some of them like to constantly throw it in your face.
  • krcb said:
    I made a board a while back about my FI not wanting groommen's, and my parents flipped out (they're paying for the wedding). FI decided on his own with no coercion that he would have members of his family be GM. So your parents flipped out about this, but your FI didn't feel pressured to have GMs? Sorry, I don't buy it.

     We went and looked at suits and ran into the new Vera Wang line at Men's Wearhouse. FI has a very slim physique so the slim fit seemed perfect for him - only problem is it would cost $190 to rent with the coupon! My mom had invited herself along and even got my dad to come up there, and when we decided to wait to rent to make sure the other GMs could afford it, they were pretty mad. We just didn't want to commit to the tux and price without knowing what his family could afford. All we wanted to do was just go look at the tuxes really quickly and get an idea of prices to relay back. :(Why did you invite your parents shopping for GM tuxes? If they weren't invited, why did you allow them invite themselves? If you simply don't tell them the what, when, where they can't possibly attend stuff like this. Also, this is 100% NONE of their business.

     Anyway, so now FI looked elsewhere and found what he believes is just as nice of a suit but it would cost $60-$70 less to rent. Only "problem" is their tie choices do not exactly match the BMs. This isn't prom, they don't need to exactly match. My mom found out about this and started yelling at me about how they're (my parents) paying thousands of dollars and the LEAST his family could do is order the tuxes with the right tie color!  This is a psychotic response to attire. She demanded that I tell FI that if they cannot afford the expensive tux, then they can just forget being in the wedding. Not her call.

     .....so, ladies, how important is the tie exactly matching? I honestly do not care as long as they look close enough to the same shade.

    edited: trying to get paragraphs
    The tie matching is literally one of the least important thing about your wedding. It's not prom - I almost think it looks juvenile when the GMs and BMs are too matchy matchy. Your mom is WAY out of line and flying off the handle over nothing. 

    Your FI's GMs are HIS choice and only HIS. He can have 15 or none. Their attire is dictated by their budget. So your FI calls them up and says "hey buddy, what's your budget for attire?" then he goes with the lowest budget. He shouldn't find something first and say "hey buddy, is $150 ok?" No. If your parents don't like their attire, OH WELL. They get to choose their own clothes and that's it.
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  • JFC your mother needs a margarita. Nobody will give a rat's ass if the ties do not match the bridesmaids' dresses. Our groomswoman's tie was light coral, her shirt was darker coral, and the bridesmaids' dresses were beige with white polka dots. The only thing the tie matched was that it was similar in shade to my husband's tie, and it was in the same color family as the flowers.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    @southernbelle0915: He never felt pressured because I did not tell him how ridiculous they were being for his sake. I never mentioned a thing, but instead told him I didn't care if he had GMs. Because I really didn't. Our sides aren't even "even." My parents are pretty brutal at times, and I don't want him to resent them for any more reasons than what he already may.

    Also, about them coming to when we looked at them, originally they weren't acting super crazy about it, so I had mentioned to my mom that I was going on x day sometime in the afternoon to look. She showed up there and called me telling me she was "waiting" on me the day of...so I had to hurry to town.

    I am currently living at home until September due to finishing college/transition to getting a job in my field. So in a way I am stuck with all of this. My mom has always been very in-your-face confrontational but has been better in recent years. The wedding is bringing out her crazy.
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Valium. Double dose in Mom's coffee every morning. Probably illegal and immoral, but it sounds like a great solution to me.
    That's funny because she already has a prescription of valium! She definitely needs it.

  • krcb said:
    Valium. Double dose in Mom's coffee every morning. Probably illegal and immoral, but it sounds like a great solution to me.
    That's funny because she already has a prescription of valium! She definitely needs it.

    Oh, I feel kind of bad, now! Sorry, I think I'm funny and just say things without thinking.
    (If she has leftovers, send them my way. Every MOB could use a few.)    ;)
  • What we're probably going to do is have our BM's in one of our colours, and the GM's in the other.  Is that a possibility for you? Then they don't have to match.
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    krcb said:
    Valium. Double dose in Mom's coffee every morning. Probably illegal and immoral, but it sounds like a great solution to me.
    That's funny because she already has a prescription of valium! She definitely needs it.

    Oh, I feel kind of bad, now! Sorry, I think I'm funny and just say things without thinking.
    (If she has leftovers, send them my way. Every MOB could use a few.)    ;)
    No, don't feel bad!! She's been prone to outbursts my whole life (I was told it would be my fault if she committed suicide one time -- yeah), and I just have to sit there and take it. It's pretty hard to do. haha. 

    Probably mentioning stuff that's a little more deep than I should be, but really it's driving me crazy how she's basically the bridezilla and is flipping out on me over small things like tie color, why my MOH isn't paying a bunch of money to host me a shower, etc. She went as far to tell me that if any of the BMs do not want to have their hair/makeup done with us the day of, they can forget being in the wedding. We're paying for it, but if they can't come early for whatever reason, I don't care as long as they look clean and nice like they normally do anyway!
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    What we're probably going to do is have our BM's in one of our colours, and the GM's in the other.  Is that a possibility for you? Then they don't have to match.
    It's definitely a possibility for me but not for her. I even like the idea of having different colors. I hardly believe that I have to have EVERYTHING the exact shade. I was open to my BMs choosing dresses that were a few different shades of blue and different styles of dresses, but it did end up that they all liked the same dress.
  • @krcb - well at least you can laugh at the craziness so that is a step in the right direction.

    I really have no idea how you should handle this.  I mean the Groom and GMs attire is really none of your Mom's business.  Maybe when she starts freaking out over things that are none of her business like the guy's attire and your bridal shower, etc maybe just have a "Mmkay Mom" or "Uh-huh" kind of response.

    I think the first thing your FI should do is ask budget of his GMs and then go from there.  They may surprise you and say their budget is $200 and then you can go with the VW suits.  If not, I would just have your FI and his GM order what they want and if your Mom freaks out respond with a "uh-huh, okay."

    Just keep your sense of humor and don't let your parents get to you too much.

  • Yikes. Your mother is totally out of line. No one is going to notice the GMs ties and BMs dresses not matching. 
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    @Maggie0829

    Thank you for your advice. It's hard to laugh it off when she's in my face yelling, but I'm thankful for forums like this where I can talk about it and not reflect her badly to people we know. I try not to talk about how "BSC" she is to FI because I give her the benefit of the doubt. He knows about pretty much everything, but I see no need in telling him about every outburst, if you know what I mean.

    I'm just going to tread lightly and figure out this whole tux 'ordeal' tomorrow. =) I believe FI knows the budget now and went looking yesterday for an option within that. I haven't really cared to be "on him" about that because it'll get done. We still have a month until they need to be rented!
  • Yowza, @krcb.

    Here's my gift to you ...
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    And I totally agree with PPs.  Tie color matching the BM dress is like a negative 14 on the importance scale of 1 to 10.  Hang in there, stand your ground, and let us know how it goes!
  • edited July 2014
    JFC. Lemme pour you a drink.

    Yes, I HIGHLY recommend The Tie Bar, and just bought FI another one from there last night when he decided he'd rather wear white while the GM wear aqua. They actually even have colors that DO exactly match some DB and J Crew colors, although it is absolutely by no means necessary. 

    Get them plaid ties just to fuck with your mom. 

    ETA we bought the ties for all of our groomsmen (and jewelry for the bridesmaids). NOT as a gift, but just to be nice.

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  • Since you said the Vera Wang tuxes I know you went to MW. Did your FI not like any of the cheaper tux rentals at MW? You could get a cheaper tux rental and still get the ties that match your BM dresses so your Mom doesn't lose it.

    FTR, I do think your mom is being crazy about this, but sometimes it's easier to compromise with the people who are paying than trying to fight them about it :)
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  • For the record, I recently got married in November and honestly couldn't tell you what color the GM's ties were.
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Since you said the Vera Wang tuxes I know you went to MW. Did your FI not like any of the cheaper tux rentals at MW? You could get a cheaper tux rental and still get the ties that match your BM dresses so your Mom doesn't lose it.

    FTR, I do think your mom is being crazy about this, but sometimes it's easier to compromise with the people who are paying than trying to fight them about it :)

    We're going to look tomorrow at the other tux options. We got backed into a corner with my parents when we originally went. I keep getting accused of being too cheap. Not wanting a $200 tux rental is not being cheap...

    And definitely not trying to fight! I've gotten their opinion about every little thing since they are paying and like to micro-manage. My mom just recently went back on our cake decision and got mad at me that we don't have enough cake (bride's cake serves 80, groom's serves 60 and we are anticipating roughly 80 guests). Baker suggested those amounts..so if they're not good enough, we can fix it.
  • What color are your bridesmaid dresses? Lets shop. :)

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  • krcb said:
    Since you said the Vera Wang tuxes I know you went to MW. Did your FI not like any of the cheaper tux rentals at MW? You could get a cheaper tux rental and still get the ties that match your BM dresses so your Mom doesn't lose it.

    FTR, I do think your mom is being crazy about this, but sometimes it's easier to compromise with the people who are paying than trying to fight them about it :)

    We're going to look tomorrow at the other tux options. We got backed into a corner with my parents when we originally went. I keep getting accused of being too cheap. Not wanting a $200 tux rental is not being cheap...

    And definitely not trying to fight! I've gotten their opinion about every little thing since they are paying and like to micro-manage. My mom just recently went back on our cake decision and got mad at me that we don't have enough cake (bride's cake serves 80, groom's serves 60 and we are anticipating roughly 80 guests). Baker suggested those amounts..so if they're not good enough, we can fix it.
    You have plenty of cake.  Maybe up the grooms cake to 80 so that every guest can have a slice of each but I wouldn't get any more then that because you have plenty of cake already.

  • Poor baby. I read the title of this and thought, another bride going off on her mom when mom's just trying to help. Now I think, poor bride. Can you steer her to something where her nuttiness would be a plus? Do you care much about flowers?
  • krcb said:
    Since you said the Vera Wang tuxes I know you went to MW. Did your FI not like any of the cheaper tux rentals at MW? You could get a cheaper tux rental and still get the ties that match your BM dresses so your Mom doesn't lose it.

    FTR, I do think your mom is being crazy about this, but sometimes it's easier to compromise with the people who are paying than trying to fight them about it :)

    We're going to look tomorrow at the other tux options. We got backed into a corner with my parents when we originally went. I keep getting accused of being too cheap. Not wanting a $200 tux rental is not being cheap...

    And definitely not trying to fight! I've gotten their opinion about every little thing since they are paying and like to micro-manage. My mom just recently went back on our cake decision and got mad at me that we don't have enough cake (bride's cake serves 80, groom's serves 60 and we are anticipating roughly 80 guests). Baker suggested those amounts..so if they're not good enough, we can fix it.
    No that's not being cheap at all. DH ended up renting the Vera Wang tuxes and I thought they were outrageously expensive. I was expecting a tux rental to be like $70. 
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2014
    Since you said the Vera Wang tuxes I know you went to MW. Did your FI not like any of the cheaper tux rentals at MW? You could get a cheaper tux rental and still get the ties that match your BM dresses so your Mom doesn't lose it.

    FTR, I do think your mom is being crazy about this, but sometimes it's easier to compromise with the people who are paying than trying to fight them about it :)
    We went to MW and really liked the VW but it was just more then we wanted to spend or ask our GM to spend. I kept looking at other options and the sales lady would keep saying "but what about this nice VW, it has this/that/really cool feature" finally we were like ok fine we'll take it. Then we went to eat and I sat there so mad that this lady up sold us after multiple no's. So we went right back and switched to an option that was less expensive. She was not happy but oh well.
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    Anniversary
  • FYI here are the Tie Bar colors that match David's Bridal colors. <CLICK ME!> We went with the Herringbone style (in Pool) because I liked the slight texture; seemed more easily worn again than a solid satin that screams "wedding" to me. 


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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2014
    I think another option is having the groomsmen in a tie color that is your accent color. Maybe the color of the bridesmaid's flowers, or a lighter/ darker shade of the bridesmaids dresses. Or even a pastel version of the complementary color to the bridesmaid'd dress color (i.e. your bridesmaids are wearing blue, so the groomsmen have a peach tie). And you can tell your mom "this is how it is done. Too matchy matchy does not look good, this is the sophisticated way to do it" 
  • JFC. Lemme pour you a drink.

    Yes, I HIGHLY recommend The Tie Bar, and just bought FI another one from there last night when he decided he'd rather wear white while the GM wear aqua. They actually even have colors that DO exactly match some DB and J Crew colors, although it is absolutely by no means necessary. 

    Get them plaid ties just to fuck with your mom. 

    ETA we bought the ties for all of our groomsmen (and jewelry for the bridesmaids). NOT as a gift, but just to be nice.
    You're right, we're soul sisters. I'd do the same fucking thing.
  • krcbkrcb member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    What color are your bridesmaid dresses? Lets shop. :)
    They are horizon and from David's Bridal. :) I looked briefly online but not in detail yet. One of my bridesmaids just got married, and she suggested we go look at a tie place she used, so we're going to go there sometime this weekend!
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