Wedding Party

MOH is control freak

I am a bridesmaid to one of my good friends from college, and her sister is the MOH. We set the date for the shower a few months ago, and started bouncing around ideas via email. The MOH pretty much said thanks for the ideas, and that's it. About a month before the shower, I sent her an email asking what was going on, and suggesting that the bridal party divide and conquer to get the shower going, since as far as I knew, nothing had yet been planned. She responded that she had booked a venue, didn't want a theme, was making a few decorations, and just wanted us to run the games. The biggest blow was a day later, when I received an invitation in the mail that said the shower was hosted only by the MOH. She's petty much doing everything herself, and just wants us to do the games and help set up and clean up. So in essence, she is hosting it herself, and making us her work rats. I'm really upset because I kept offering to do things, only to be turned down, and I really wanted to help make the shower special for my friend. Do I bring this up with the MOH? Her sister, the bride? Leave if alone? I don't want to help with the shower if I'm not getting any credit, and don't get to do any of the fun planning part.

Re: MOH is control freak

  • emjohns88 said:
    I am a bridesmaid to one of my good friends from college, and her sister is the MOH. We set the date for the shower a few months ago, and started bouncing around ideas via email. The MOH pretty much said thanks for the ideas, and that's it. About a month before the shower, I sent her an email asking what was going on, and suggesting that the bridal party divide and conquer to get the shower going, since as far as I knew, nothing had yet been planned. She responded that she had booked a venue, didn't want a theme, was making a few decorations, and just wanted us to run the games. The biggest blow was a day later, when I received an invitation in the mail that said the shower was hosted only by the MOH. She's petty much doing everything herself, and just wants us to do the games and help set up and clean up. So in essence, she is hosting it herself, and making us her work rats. I'm really upset because I kept offering to do things, only to be turned down, and I really wanted to help make the shower special for my friend. Do I bring this up with the MOH? Her sister, the bride? Leave if alone? I don't want to help with the shower if I'm not getting any credit, and don't get to do any of the fun planning part.
    I wouldn't be upset that she didn't let you help - if she offered to host the shower, she's hosting the shower and can accept/decline help offers as she pleases. It's too late to talk to her about this - invitations have gone out and she has designated herself as the sole hostess.

    That said, if she's hosting, SHE'S hosting. That means planning, set up, clean up and expenses. She's backed herself into a corner here and you have zero responsibility to help. If she wants the credit of being the sole hostess, that comes with responsibility and she's going to have to take care of it. 
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  • You're allowed to say no to her and just be a guest.
  • Since you aren't co-hosting, she's out of line to expect you to clean up.  Decline her invitation to play janitor and enjoy the shower as a guest.  
  • Yep. I would tell her you will be happy to attend as a guest but since you had no part in planning or hosting you will not be setting up and cleaning up.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Say, "I LOVE games!   These are the ones we can play but I won't be able to get to the venue until X time."

    So it leaves you to do something fun but if girlfriend wants the credit, she needs to do the work. 
  • I would absolutely get out of clean-up duty. Let her know you'll be there at the start time and then make sure you leave at the end time.


    If you want to be involved with something, would you consider asking the bride if you could organize the bach party? You can get the other BMs involved, too, if you wanted. Or maybe just a nice luncheon for the bridal party?
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  • To all PPs, on the surface you are all absolutely correct, nobody can force anybody else into clean up duty or any other job for that matter.  I would just be careful not to allow this MOHs immaturity to ruin the shower for the bride, it is about her, in the end.  Nothing needs to be said for clean up, if you don't want to help, just leave at the end, but be aware that this may mean that the bride has to help clean after her own shower.  No doubt, I would be angry too, but I would not want my friend's time in the spotlight to be dimmed by in-fighting.  
  • I don't think you should say anything about this to the bride. Leave her out of it. 

    I'd be perfectly happy with the MOH doing everything herself. But if she's the only one hosting the event (as stated on the invite), she has no right to ask you and the other BMs to run the games and clean up.
  • It doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong.  If you are having the shower at a venue that does a lot of the work already (food, setup, etc.), there's not much else to handle.  Maybe play a game or two and have some prizes.  That's about it, though.
  • emjohns88 said:
    I am a bridesmaid to one of my good friends from college, and her sister is the MOH. We set the date for the shower a few months ago, and started bouncing around ideas via email. The MOH pretty much said thanks for the ideas, and that's it. About a month before the shower, I sent her an email asking what was going on, and suggesting that the bridal party divide and conquer to get the shower going, since as far as I knew, nothing had yet been planned. She responded that she had booked a venue, didn't want a theme, was making a few decorations, and just wanted us to run the games. The biggest blow was a day later, when I received an invitation in the mail that said the shower was hosted only by the MOH. She's petty much doing everything herself, and just wants us to do the games and help set up and clean up. So in essence, she is hosting it herself, and making us her work rats. I'm really upset because I kept offering to do things, only to be turned down, and I really wanted to help make the shower special for my friend. Do I bring this up with the MOH? Her sister, the bride? Leave if alone? I don't want to help with the shower if I'm not getting any credit, and don't get to do any of the fun planning part.
    This wedding is not about you.  It is about the bride.  If the shower is lovely, that's the ultimate goal, not you getting to be the star.  If you're that bothered, just do what people said above--go as a guest.  End of story.
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