Help! BSC Family

MamaAlly89

A few weeks ago, my dad told me that he didn't know if he was going to come to my wedding or not. This obviously made me very upset. I have been talking about it with close friends and family since they are my support system and are helping me to handle the situation. Some how word got to my dad that I was "trashing" him and his reputation. Now my dad, aunt, and one of my cousins have gone BSC on me. My dad has been sending me nasty texts, and they are writing nasty comments on my fb wall. They just won't leave me alone. It is stressing me out so much, that today I broke down and called my FI at work in tears. I am at a total loss of what to do in this situation. The thought of even seeing my aunt and cousin at the wedding makes me want to throw up, because I know they will try to say something to me or make a scene. Anybody have any great advice for me?

kns1988

People that are being cruel to you have no business being at your wedding. If it's really out of hand, you should have someone ready to escort them out if they make a scene.

Honestly, this probably goes against etiquette rules, but I would revoke their invitation if they were being that disrespectful. Etiquette provides rules to follow so that you're polite and treat your guests well. I don't see why you should go out of your way to treat them well if they're not extending the same courtesy to you.

banana468

1) Lock your FB so people can't publicly post on your wall.

2) I'd be up front with those family members and call them. Try to work out the conflict. See if they will still attend.

3) If that's not possible, alert your ceremony and reception venues that you may need security on hand and have those making scenes removed.

AddieCake

Disable peoples' ability to post on your wall. Contact your father and ask if he wants to talk and have an actual conversation, like a grown up.

RebeccaFlower

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this so close to your wedding.

Jen4948

Well, I'd block them from being able to post on your Facebook wall.

Beyond that, wedding wise, I'd have security escort out anyone who behaves improperly at your wedding, including your aunt and cousin. 

I don't really know what to tell you about your father-someone who "doesn't know if" he will attend his own child's wedding is a jerk unless he's given really good extenuating circumstances like military deployment or his health, and based on your post it definitely doesn't sound like that's the case.  I know it's hurtful not to have your father at your wedding, but maybe you'll be better off without him there if he's going to be a jerk to you.  That said, if you want to leave that door open, I can certainly understand that.

MollyandD

This might be dumb to ask, but did you say anything about your dad that you shouldn't have said?

MamaAlly89

@Molly&Domenic No! The only "bad" thing I said about his was that he didn't know if he was coming and that I was really angry about that. I feel like all of this practically came out of no where. It's especially weird because my dad isn't much of a talker. If something upset him he never would say anything, even when my parents marriage fell apart, he just left with out a word. So, for him to be sending this stuff ... I am just shocked.

sophhabobopha

Wow, so sorry! Your family members sound unbelievably immature.

beethery

Nothing says mature like angry facebook wall posts. Yuck.

OnionBreath

I would start by offering the olive branch and asking if he would like to talk to you in person, as someone else mentioned.

From there, if he wants to be the child in this scenario, he can be treated like one and you can take away privileges (like posting on fb to you) unless or until he treats you with respect.

I would probably tell my aunt she doesn't know what she is talking about and that she is harming your relationship with my father, but I've had some unfortunate training on this topic in the past so I'm used to confrontation.

lyndausvi

What was his reasoning for not coming?

FiancB

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would definitely block bf communication and next time you get a text say that you are willing to meet with him/them in person, but you will no longer be discussing this via text as it's a poor method for serious discussion. And follow through. Do not respond. If you get a chance, tell the aunt/cousin that they are not getting the full story and it's not their business in the first place and you will no longer discuss it with them. 

No matter what, stay calm if you possibly can. Crying may not be able to be helped, but don't yell or say nasty things. Just be firm. It sounds like your dad wants to pull you into bullshit and get you to beg him to come, and just make it very clear you aren't joining their circus. 

I'm sorry this is happening. I dealt with some less severe bullshit and it was still comforting to know there was a security guard there that I was forced to pay for. It definitely wasn't a bad thing.