How much to pay babysitter for kids during the wedding?

Destined04

Hi ladies,

We are having an adult ceremony and reception at the same venue on Sept. 6 (I did not put "adults only" on the invite, but we have been letting people know by word-of-mouth). We have two flower girls and a ring bearer that we are going to host for dinner, then have them head to a hotel room with my MOH's little sister, who is going to watch them for the rest of the night.

I've now been told that there are three other little ones who's parents can't find sitters or family to watch them, so they're basically saying the HAVE to bring their kids to the wedding. I'm annoyed, but I will accommodate while keeping kids to a minimum during the wedding. The sitter will now watch all six kids during the wedding. Three of them for the entire 5 hour event and the other three (the bridal party kiddos) for about three hours after dinner. She's 22 and knows CPR and first aid. How much should I pay her?

She'd be watching a 7 y/o, two 4 y/o, two 2 y/o and an 11 mo. She's bringing a twelve year old "helper" to corral the three older kids so she can manage the 2 and unders.

I don't have kids, so not sure of the going rate for a sitter these days. I was thinking $100 - $150? That's $20 - $30 an hour, but let me know if I'm way off-base.

Thanks!

RebeccaFlower

I'm not sure what the going rate is either, but $150 seems like a nice number. Make sure you also provide her dinner and snacks/games for the kids.

lilacck28

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

lilacck28

I'm not sure why you're not discussing payment with her upfront? Does she not have a "going rate" that you've talked about? Unless this is a daughter of a friend, or a friend, and she is basically doing this as a favor and the payment is kind of a surprise gesture?

mysticl

That should be fine but keep in mind the helper needs to be paid too.  So if it's coming out of her money you would need to adjust up for that.

Destined04

This is helpful - thanks, ladies! Sorry I didn't mention it, but I definitely plan to pay the helper - maybe $40? She's 12, so that will probably be a good amount for her.

@lilacck28 - This is my MOH little sister, so she is kind of doing it as a favor, but I don't think anyone should watch all of those kids without payment. She's not a professional babysitter, just a recent college grad that's good with kids and has some first aid background. When I asked how much, she said she didn't know, so I said I'd try to come up with a number we're both happy with. 

I think we'll go with a $200 budget for both and we're already on it with dinner and games. Appreciate the insights!

mysticl

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

lilacck28

mysticl said:

show previous quotes

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Oh yes, I know. I have my bachelors and the terminal degree in my field (masters). I'm teaching kids right now (a class of 26 and a class of 22, and for a portion of the day they combine. Keeping track of them during lunch is rough), and not being paid nearly that amount. I was just repeating info I heard from when I was a kid (and I was pretty bitter about it actually). 

Babysitters got paid a ton in my neighborhood. The jerks. 

But, this girl is not going to get anything out of this other than a one time pay check. She won't have a permanent job out of it, and I kind of doubt it will help on her resume. So to get a person to spend that chunk of time watching kids instead of applying for jobs or getting some sleep, I can see how the pay would need to be good. 

mysticl

lilacck28 said:

show previous quotes

mysticl said:

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Oh yes, I know. I have my bachelors and the terminal degree in my field (masters). I'm teaching kids right now (a class of 26 and a class of 22, and for a portion of the day they combine. Keeping track of them during lunch is rough), and not being paid nearly that amount. I was just repeating info I heard from when I was a kid (and I was pretty bitter about it actually). 

Babysitters got paid a ton in my neighborhood. The jerks. 

But, this girl is not going to get anything out of this other than a one time pay check. She won't have a permanent job out of it, and I kind of doubt it will help on her resume. So to get a person to spend that chunk of time watching kids instead of applying for jobs or getting some sleep, I can see how the pay would need to be good. 

I can totally see paying that much for a special event like a wedding.  I can't image having 7 kids (because the helper is a kid) and 1 adult crammed into a hotel room for that amount of time.  And you have to factor in the added stress of trying to keep them quiet so as not to disturb the other guests.  At least when I did the after school program we had a large space, toys, games, art supplies, and access to a gym and playground (most of the time).  

But on a regular basis I can't imagine paying a high school or college student more than I made with 10 years of experience in my field.  Especially if he/she is the kind of babysitter that leaves the kid to play alone while watching tv all night.  

RebeccaFlower

mysticl said:

show previous quotes

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Right, but this isn't salary and she's getting no benefits. I think since it's a one time thing, it's nice to be generous if OP can afford it. You also need to remember that this is for six freaking kids. There is no way in hell I'd watch six kids for less than $30 an hour. I remember ten years ago my aunt who ran a daycare charger $3/kid/hour.

mysticl

RebeccaFlower said:

show previous quotes

mysticl said:

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Right, but this isn't salary and she's getting no benefits. I think since it's a one time thing, it's nice to be generous if OP can afford it. You also need to remember that this is for six freaking kids. There is no way in hell I'd watch six kids for less than $30 an hour. I remember ten years ago my aunt who ran a daycare charger $3/kid/hour.

When I was the supervisor for the after school program I made less than $11 an hour. I was not salaried, I did not get any benefits at all, and I had taxes taken out of that.  Our ratio started at 1:15 and by the end of the school year they changed it to 1:20 due to being short staffed.  So that was 2 adults to up to 40 kids. 

Trust me when I tell you that you would not find an actual job that would pay you $30 an hour to be responsible for 6 kids regardless of whether they offered benefits or not.  

Simply Fated

When I was younger my going rate was about 5 an hour for baby sitting. I heard $20 is the going rate now, but it absolutely depends on certain things. Experience, how many kids, are there pets, meal preparation etc. It also helps their cost if they are certified, especially in CPR and things like that. Some parents are willing to pay more in hopes that they get better quality service for their kids. Other parents can't afford to pay more. It's not really a question of "you get what you pay for" in every case, but that is the parents' hope.

I think $150-$200 is a good starting point, but I would consider her helper. And, honestly, I might consider keeping an extra $20 on hand if, at the end of the night, you feel she deserves more. Like, a traumatic encounter with a helicopter parent. Or that one kid who eats his cake, then everyone else's slice of cake and barfs everywhere and the sitter cleans in up. Sorry, but 6 kids and barf? $150 ain't gunna cut it in this growing market.

RebeccaFlower

mysticl said:

show previous quotes

RebeccaFlower said:

mysticl said:

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Right, but this isn't salary and she's getting no benefits. I think since it's a one time thing, it's nice to be generous if OP can afford it. You also need to remember that this is for six freaking kids. There is no way in hell I'd watch six kids for less than $30 an hour. I remember ten years ago my aunt who ran a daycare charger $3/kid/hour.

When I was the supervisor for the after school program I made less than $11 an hour. I was not salaried, I did not get any benefits at all, and I had taxes taken out of that.  Our ratio started at 1:15 and by the end of the school year they changed it to 1:20 due to being short staffed.  So that was 2 adults to up to 40 kids. 

Trust me when I tell you that you would not find an actual job that would pay you $30 an hour to be responsible for 6 kids regardless of whether they offered benefits or not.  

I understand what you're saying, but I think you're not seeing that this is a one time thing and I said if OP could afford it, to be generous to a person who is doing her a favor. 

banana468

Aside from the price, I just hope the parents of the FI and RB are fine with the arrangement. It's generally rude to have kids in the WP that you don't intend to host for the entire reception so I hope you were up front with them from the start.

mysticl

RebeccaFlower said:

show previous quotes

mysticl said:

RebeccaFlower said:

mysticl said:

lilacck28 said:

you might want to provide a little more than that, so that the helper gets paid too without cutting into the paycheck of the main sitter. 

When I was a baby sitter way back when, it was $5-10 per hour, and then when I was in highschool/ college and not babysitting anymore, I heard it was $20-30, so I think you're on track. 

Honestly, that's more than I made an hour working with a bachelor's degree in a professional position.  And that's based on a 40 week. I was salaried and worked a minimum of 45 hours most weeks so I made way less than that.  When I worked in an after school program as a supervisor just 3 years ago I made less than $11 an hour and our ratio was 1 staff to 20 kids.  So considering that $20 is pretty generous.  

ETA: especially generous if this is under the table and she doesn't claim it on her taxes.  

Right, but this isn't salary and she's getting no benefits. I think since it's a one time thing, it's nice to be generous if OP can afford it. You also need to remember that this is for six freaking kids. There is no way in hell I'd watch six kids for less than $30 an hour. I remember ten years ago my aunt who ran a daycare charger $3/kid/hour.

When I was the supervisor for the after school program I made less than $11 an hour. I was not salaried, I did not get any benefits at all, and I had taxes taken out of that.  Our ratio started at 1:15 and by the end of the school year they changed it to 1:20 due to being short staffed.  So that was 2 adults to up to 40 kids. 

Trust me when I tell you that you would not find an actual job that would pay you $30 an hour to be responsible for 6 kids regardless of whether they offered benefits or not.  

I understand what you're saying, but I think you're not seeing that this is a one time thing and I said if OP could afford it, to be generous to a person who is doing her a favor. 

In a previous post I specifically stated "I can totally see paying that much for a special event like a wedding" because of the circumstances involved.  I was pointing out that is a heck of a lot of money for a babysitter to expect in general. Thirty dollars an hour works out to a full time salary of over $60,000 a year.  A teenager who hasn't even graduated high school should not be expecting to make that kind of money.  In the employment world you don't pay people more just because they work part-time and don't get benefits.  

I've made comments before that I would most likely have to turn down wedding invitations that my child is not invited to because I have limited child care options.  I have basically been told that since my child is over a year I should have found options by now and lack of child care isn't an excuse.  If I'm expected to pay $20-$30 an hour for a babysitter so I can attend a wedding the odds are we aren't going to that wedding. 

mysticl

Simply Fated said:

When I was younger my going rate was about 5 an hour for baby sitting. I heard $20 is the going rate now, but it absolutely depends on certain things. Experience, how many kids, are there pets, meal preparation etc. It also helps their cost if they are certified, especially in CPR and things like that. Some parents are willing to pay more in hopes that they get better quality service for their kids. Other parents can't afford to pay more. It's not really a question of "you get what you pay for" in every case, but that is the parents' hope.

I think $150-$200 is a good starting point, but I would consider her helper. And, honestly, I might consider keeping an extra $20 on hand if, at the end of the night, you feel she deserves more. Like, a traumatic encounter with a helicopter parent. Or that one kid who eats his cake, then everyone else's slice of cake and barfs everywhere and the sitter cleans in up. Sorry, but 6 kids and barf? $150 ain't gunna cut it in this growing market.

She said she was going to pay the helper herself and not expect the primary sitter to pay the kid. 

Destined04

The flower girls moms are happy to let their kids go with the sitter. That means more wedding fun for them!

The ring bearer's mom on the other hand...that's a bit more complicated. She's my fiance's best friend's wife, so I've only met her a few times - really nice girl! We were upfront in the beginning that the kids in the WP would get dinner and then have a baby sitter for the remainder of the reception (we're talking after 8 p.m. when the 4 year olds will be winding down any way) and she agreed to it. Well now (as of late last night), she's saying that not only does the ring bearer need to stay for the wedding, his 2 yo brother does, too because they "don't respond well to strangers." She's basically saying either both of her kids stay for the wedding or they just won't bring their kids at all, thus we have no ring bearer.

I won't be heartbroken if there's no ring bearer, but it does bother me that she's basically forcing us to allow her two children to stay for the ceremony. If it were just the ring bearer, I'd probably just let it go and let him stay, but now she wants both boys there. Not only is this against our wishes, it puts us in an awkward position with those other parents who've been told this is an adult party. They're going to see her two kids sticking out like a sore thumb and wonder why they didn't get the same exception.

At this point, I'm considering just foregoing the ring bearer, but then the story amongst my fiance's friend's wives becomes that I kicked a 4 yo out of our wedding. Not the case, but she's given us an ultimatum when it comes to her son's participation in our wedding.

Again, I'm not a parent, I just never imagined that having an adult wedding would cause so many issues. Particularly when we've provided reliable, responsible and trained childcare to accommodate people with limited options.

mysticl

Destined04 said:

The flower girls moms are happy to let their kids go with the sitter. That means more wedding fun for them!

The ring bearer's mom on the other hand...that's a bit more complicated. She's my fiance's best friend's wife, so I've only met her a few times - really nice girl! We were upfront in the beginning that the kids in the WP would get dinner and then have a baby sitter for the remainder of the reception (we're talking after 8 p.m. when the 4 year olds will be winding down any way) and she agreed to it. Well now (as of late last night), she's saying that not only does the ring bearer need to stay for the wedding, his 2 yo brother does, too because they "don't respond well to strangers." She's basically saying either both of her kids stay for the wedding or they just won't bring their kids at all, thus we have no ring bearer.

I won't be heartbroken if there's no ring bearer, but it does bother me that she's basically forcing us to allow her two children to stay for the ceremony. If it were just the ring bearer, I'd probably just let it go and let him stay, but now she wants both boys there. Not only is this against our wishes, it puts us in an awkward position with those other parents who've been told this is an adult party. They're going to see her two kids sticking out like a sore thumb and wonder why they didn't get the same exception.

At this point, I'm considering just foregoing the ring bearer, but then the story amongst my fiance's friend's wives becomes that I kicked a 4 yo out of our wedding. Not the case, but she's given us an ultimatum when it comes to her son's participation in our wedding.

Again, I'm not a parent, I just never imagined that having an adult wedding would cause so many issues. Particularly when we've provided reliable, responsible and trained childcare to accommodate people with limited options.

First of all since the ring bearer is part of the wedding party it is against etiquette to expect him to leave the reception at any point.  He (as well as the flower girls) should be a welcomed guest the entire time.  Since he has a sibling that sibling should also be a welcomed guest the entire time. As for parents wondering why they didn't get the same exception it's very simple, none of their children are in the wedding party. 

As for changing her tune she may have felt put on the spot to agree with you when you mentioned but now that she has thought about it she isn't comfortable with it.  

How does the mother know the babysitter is reliable, responsible, and trained?  Are you providing copies, of degrees, certifications, background checks, etc. (do you even have these things)? Or are you expecting her to take the word of someone who isn't a parent and who she has only met a few times? In fact in a previous post you said the babysitter isn't a professional child care provider.  You said she's a college grad who has some first aid background.  So you actually aren't providing trained childcare.  

Destined04

I definitely understand your point re:hosting the entire wedding party for the entire night. It would be really rude of me to just spring the "you can leave now" on them the day-of. But, I did ask all parents involved beforehand and they all agreed to it. She's no wallflower, I've seen her speak up any other time she's had an opinion about something. If the kids' parents had expressed an issue with it, I'd have just let the WP kids stay, though it wasn't my preference. And, I'd still be willing to do let the RB stay since it's such a huge deal to his parents. But, I do struggle to see why I'm responsible to host the RB's little brother, as well. He's not in the WP.

The 22 yo just graduated with a degree in early childhood education. She knows CPR and, if it came down to it, would pass a background check if anyone asks (they haven't). Her sister, parents and brother-in-law are all attending the wedding. My point is, I didn't hire some 15 yo off the street to watch people's kids. I selected a close family friend with childcare interest and experience b/c I thought that would be reassuring. I figured that would be better than going to a web site and finding some random lady no one knows to be with the kids.

mysticl

Destined04 said:

I definitely understand your point re:hosting the entire wedding party for the entire night. It would be really rude of me to just spring the "you can leave now" on them the day-of. But, I did ask all parents involved beforehand and they all agreed to it. She's no wallflower, I've seen her speak up any other time she's had an opinion about something. If the kids' parents had expressed an issue with it, I'd have just let the WP kids stay, though it wasn't my preference. And, I'd still be willing to do let the RB stay since it's such a huge deal to his parents. But, I do struggle to see why I'm responsible to host the RB's little brother, as well. He's not in the WP.

The 22 yo just graduated with a degree in early childhood education. She knows CPR and, if it came down to it, would pass a background check if anyone asks (they haven't). Her sister, parents and brother-in-law are all attending the wedding. My point is, I didn't hire some 15 yo off the street to watch people's kids. I selected a close family friend with childcare interest and experience b/c I thought that would be reassuring. I figured that would be better than going to a web site and finding some random lady no one knows to be with the kids.

For the bolded it's because you don't split up sibling groups unless one is an adult and the other is a minor.  

As for the second paragraph you did not not convey any of that in your posts.  You made it sound like this was a girl you knew who happened to know first aid and specifically said she was not a professional. Even with all that she is still a stranger so some parents may have an issue with her. You've said that you've only met the mother of these boys a few times so the two of you don't know each other that well.  So the fact that the sitter is a close personal friend of yours probably means nothing to her, she doesn't know the kind of company you keep.  

BMoreBride6

Personally, I see a few potential issues here.  But for the record, I also have a degree in education (I'm a teacher) and during the summer I have been watching 3 boys ages 3-7 for 5 hours for $100 (just as a reference point).  This is a lot of kids you are asking her to watch, in a very small space.  You say the younger ones would be "winding down" but even if they did, I doubt they are going to be able to go to sleep with older kids still playing.  These are all things the babysitters will have to deal with so keep that in mind.  I also think the mom of the RB is completely in her right to expect her children to remain at the reception.  She's right, some kids just don't do well with strangers, especially if they know their parents are in the same building.  I don't blame her, considering the kids should be invited to the full reception anyway. 

I think it is nice of you to think to hire the babysitter for them, but in the end, I don't fault the mom for not liking this plan. 

Simply Fated

My two cents.... Kids don't wind down at 8pm. They are amped up on sugar from the cake and the excitement of the day at 8pm. Some of them will be overtired and cranky, some of them will be zoned out on their ipads. They'll all be trying to get out of going to bed.

mysticl

Simply Fated said:

My two cents.... Kids don't wind down at 8pm. They are amped up on sugar from the cake and the excitement of the day at 8pm. Some of them will be overtired and cranky, some of them will be zoned out on their ipads. They'll all be trying to get out of going to bed.

Very good point. Even if 8 is the usual bedtime the special circumstances of the day will shoot bedtime all to hell. 

JellyBean52513

Just to add my two cents, it's absolutely not always the case that young children "wind down" after any certain time. This past Friday, I was sitting up with my SO's friend's 5-year old daughter coloring while they played poker, and she was plenty energetic at 3am when the guys finished their game. Whenever family get-togethers last all night, I rarely ever find any of the kids sleeping, even around 1am or later. Sometimes it's not even about sugar or cake or anything... sometime it's just being up and having fun with other kids.

misshart00

JellyBean52513 said:

Just to add my two cents, it's absolutely not always the case that young children "wind down" after any certain time. This past Friday, I was sitting up with my SO's friend's 5-year old daughter coloring while they played poker, and she was plenty energetic at 3am when the guys finished their game. Whenever family get-togethers last all night, I rarely ever find any of the kids sleeping, even around 1am or later. Sometimes it's not even about sugar or cake or anything... sometime it's just being up and having fun with other kids.

This! My daughter goes to bed at 8. And she's usually pretty good at it. But if she feels like she's missing out on something, she refuses to go to sleep.

Destined04

Point taken on "winding down." But, I did suggest the sitter get someone to help her out since this was quite a few kids and she said she'd be fine with the pre-teen helper. She was also fine with the $150 payment knowing how many kids there will be.

I think I've asked the right questions and been very upfront with her about what she's getting into and she seems comfortable with the $150, so I think we're good there!

For the RB's mom - my FI is going to chat with the parents. He's been friends with the dad since high school and knows both parents well. I don't want this to compromise his friendship, so if that means both boys attending, so be it. It's not my preference, but his friendship is more important.  

huskypuppy14

I used to babysit for kids at weddings when I was a teenager for my mother's friends.  I was also CPR trained and  I made about 100 dollars each time and this was 15 or more years ago. And not 6 kids more like 2 or 3.

schellzinator

Just a few points - I think how much babysitters get paid greatly varies based on location as well...in my babysitting days - my local small town rate where I grew up - $5-$10 an hour for two children.  Same time period - only a big city - $25 - $30 an hour for two children.

As for kids at a wedding - we had our ring bearers (3) and flower girl (4) at the wedding for the whole evening (5 p.m. - 10 p.m.) - they were up and dancing the night away right until the end when it was time to leave and then they were conked out on whoever would pick them up.  I went to a wedding this past weekend - the flower girl (5), ring bearer (6) and his little brother (3) were invited to the entire reception and the little guys were dancing until about 10 - when mom took them back to the hotel room.  The flower girl fell asleep at her parent's table around 9 and was carried to be around 10. My point being - I'd like to throw out the suggestion that you allow for the kids to stay at the reception until the parents feel is appropriate.  Maybe you can have the MOH's sister on hand to watch the kids if a) the parents are OK with it and b) the parents feel like staying at the reception.  In the second case - the wedding went to 12:30 a.m. - but both parents decided to leave too.

Also - FWIW - I would not side eye you JUST having the VIP kids at the reception and not inviting everyone else's kids to the wedding. I know that has come up quite a bit as well in the past.

MairePoppy

Simply Fated said:

When I was younger my going rate was about 5 an hour for baby sitting. I heard $20 is the going rate now, but it absolutely depends on certain things. Experience, how many kids, are there pets, meal preparation etc. It also helps their cost if they are certified, especially in CPR and things like that. Some parents are willing to pay more in hopes that they get better quality service for their kids. Other parents can't afford to pay more. It's not really a question of "you get what you pay for" in every case, but that is the parents' hope.

I think $150-$200 is a good starting point, but I would consider her helper. And, honestly, I might consider keeping an extra $20 on hand if, at the end of the night, you feel she deserves more. Like, a traumatic encounter with a helicopter parent. Or that one kid who eats his cake, then everyone else's slice of cake and barfs everywhere and the sitter cleans in up. Sorry, but 6 kids and barf? $150 ain't gunna cut it in this growing market.

I wouldn't watch 6 kids of different ages, including a baby, cooped up in a hotel room for 3-5 hours for any amount of money. The kids aren't going to sleep in a strange place, without the comforts of home or day care. Plus they don't know each other so you don't know if they will play nicely together or if the 12 year old will be able to hold their interest. That's one courageous college student.

I hope, on top of the $200, the parents tip her.

indianaalum

Destined04 said:

The flower girls moms are happy to let their kids go with the sitter. That means more wedding fun for them!

The ring bearer's mom on the other hand...that's a bit more complicated. She's my fiance's best friend's wife, so I've only met her a few times - really nice girl! We were upfront in the beginning that the kids in the WP would get dinner and then have a baby sitter for the remainder of the reception (we're talking after 8 p.m. when the 4 year olds will be winding down any way) and she agreed to it. Well now (as of late last night), she's saying that not only does the ring bearer need to stay for the wedding, his 2 yo brother does, too because they "don't respond well to strangers." She's basically saying either both of her kids stay for the wedding or they just won't bring their kids at all, thus we have no ring bearer.

I won't be heartbroken if there's no ring bearer, but it does bother me that she's basically forcing us to allow her two children to stay for the ceremony. If it were just the ring bearer, I'd probably just let it go and let him stay, but now she wants both boys there. Not only is this against our wishes, it puts us in an awkward position with those other parents who've been told this is an adult party. They're going to see her two kids sticking out like a sore thumb and wonder why they didn't get the same exception.

At this point, I'm considering just foregoing the ring bearer, but then the story amongst my fiance's friend's wives becomes that I kicked a 4 yo out of our wedding. Not the case, but she's given us an ultimatum when it comes to her son's participation in our wedding.

Again, I'm not a parent, I just never imagined that having an adult wedding would cause so many issues. Particularly when we've provided reliable, responsible and trained childcare to accommodate people with limited options.

She is absolutely RIGHT that the ring bearer is entitled to stay the whole time. YOU are wrong in saying he has to leave. You also can't "un-ask" especially to a kid.

you shouldn't split siblings so 2 year old should aslo be invited.

PEople understand that the wedding party has kids and kids in wedding party are REQUIRED to be invited to whole event.

If having kids at your weddings wasn't "your preference", you should have never had a ring bearer or flower girl