Received some really sad news this week.

bethsmiles

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hug* Please don't blame yourself.

NYCMercedes

He was lucky to have you for a friend.

Senecaf

I'm so sorry

lc07

Adding my hugs as well. I can't imagine the million emotions you must be feeling. Hang in there. Definitely don't be afraid to seek help for how to cope with this.

climbingsingle

Thanks again everyone. Honestly, reading all of your replies really did make me feel better. 

I talked yesterday to a bunch of our former co-workers. It was nice to catch up with some people, even if it was under these circumstances. Everyone was extremely shocked and very sad. Paul was so full of life and had such a big heart. It's so upsetting to lose someone like that. 

However, I have to say, that today I feel angry. I wish he would have texted me back. I wish he would have reached out to me. Instead, he killed himself and then requested that no services be held. It's a shitty way to lose someone you cared about so much. 

On Friday, my mom and I are going to a church to light a candle for him. I'm also going to write him a letter with my thoughts. And then I'll burn or bury the letter in my yard and will try to move on. Hopefully that will bring me closure. 

Again, thank you everyone for thinking of me. 

arrippa

I am so sorry!  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

theycallmelinz

Oh my goodness, I'm so, so sorry. I understand your anger, and it's a normal response while grieving. I like your idea of lighting a candle for him and writing a letter to him. Even if people can't read what we write, sometimes it helps SO much to just get it. We're all here for you. xoxo

AddieCake

I'm so sorry for your loss.