Table Visits

steph861

What's the etiquette surrounding table visits? Do both the bride and the groom have to visit each table, or is it alright to divide and conquer? I ask because my FI is quite shy and would likely find it awkward and uncomfortable to visit with people he doesn't know very well (primarily my extended family). I don't think he would have a problem visiting with his family and friends (both his and ours). Is it acceptable for me to visit with my extended family by myself and allow him to visit with his extended family and friends (just his, not our shared friends) at the same time?

I will definitely discuss this with him closer to the wedding, but want to be able to present him with options if he says he won't be comfortable (that is, if the options are etiquette-approved).

Thanks!

huskypuppy14

You can split up if you prefer. You just have to make a good effort to say hi to everyone and thank them for coming, whether that is table visits or talking to them at some other point during the wedding.

I personally wanted to meet the people who I didn't know. They were invited to the wedding for a reason.  My husband had pretty much met every primary guest prior to our wedding, because he met most of my family at my sister's wedding.

My advice is to start with the people you are least likely to hang out with throughout the night, or those who may leave early.  For my husband and I, we started with his parent's friends tables.  We left our friends for last. We made it to all but one table, but those were my co workers, who were the first people we said hi to during cocktail hour, and I hung out with them on the dance floor, so the fact we didn't actually go to their table didn't matter.  

mysticl

Keep in mind that your family probably wants to meet him and his family probably wants to meet you so it could be seen as a snub and come across that you couldn't be bothered with his family and he couldn't be bothered with yours.  

steph861

mysticl said:

Keep in mind that your family probably wants to meet him and his family probably wants to meet you so it could be seen as a snub and come across that you couldn't be bothered with his family and he couldn't be bothered with yours.  

Fair point. I think part of the problem is that I'd like to sit and chat with my family members for more than just five minutes, and I know that would make him feel awkward. Perhaps the best solution is to have quick table visits with everybody and then go back to my family's tables by myself for longer visits.

mysticl

steph11814 said:

mysticl said:

Keep in mind that your family probably wants to meet him and his family probably wants to meet you so it could be seen as a snub and come across that you couldn't be bothered with his family and he couldn't be bothered with yours.  

Fair point. I think part of the problem is that I'd like to sit and chat with my family members for more than just five minutes, and I know that would make him feel awkward. Perhaps the best solution is to have quick table visits with everybody and then go back to my family's tables by myself for longer visits.

That's a good option.  Not sure what your set up is like but you could do a receiving line where he just has to be like "hi, nice to meet you, thank you for coming" and then you can each focus on various guests in a little more depth throughout the night.  

holyguacamole79

When we did our table visits, our DOC accompanied us and kept track of time. Once the 3-4 minutes at one table was up, she politely escorted us to the next table. This way we got to see everyone and nobody felt like we played favorites.

lizzypoo96

I think it depends on the table- family tables you should attack together. I know when FI and I talked about it, I asked that we go to my work and extended family tables together because most of them haven't met him yet (like you, FI is pretty shy so I've let him slide on work social events with me lately ha)

But our friends, who we see regularly, we'll probably go see alone.

idk what your dinner situation is- we're doing a sit down dinner and when we met with the venue, the coordinator actually mapped out a "game plan" for us to get to all of the tables in between courses so that once dinner is over we have the ability to go back and really sit down with people if we wanted. That's helped us feel more organized about this.

danamw

At the most recent wedding I attended, our nephew, he made the rounds of all the tables alone, and the bride went downstairs and smoked with her peeps. Even when we left the wedding, there she was by the fire exit, sucking on a ciggie, in her foofy white dress.

Ideally, both make the rounds, either separately or together. Shyness is not an excuse for an adult.

mysticl

danamw said:

At the most recent wedding I attended, our nephew, he made the rounds of all the tables alone, and the bride went downstairs and smoked with her peeps. Even when we left the wedding, there she was by the fire exit, sucking on a ciggie, in her foofy white dress.

Ideally, both make the rounds, either separately or together. Shyness is not an excuse for an adult.

I've been to a couple of weddings were several guests appeared to find it more important to smoke than attend the reception.  I'm not talking stepping out once or twice for a cigarette. I'm talking large numbers of people being missing from the majority of the reception because they were smoking.  Some people have their priorities.  

Cookie Pusher

DH and I did the first round of table visits together, about 3-4 minutes per table for our 10 tables. We were able to do this during our cocktail hour as we only did a few posed pictures. After the introductions and start of the reception, we separated and spent time with each table of guests on each of our respective sides as well as tables with our mutual friends. Anyone we didn't catch during our table visits, we tried to find after the dinner service. Many people appreciated how much time we were able to spend with them, and only one person had anything negative to say about us properly greeting and thanking our guests at the reception.

tammym1001

Cookie Pusher said:

DH and I did the first round of table visits together, about 3-4 minutes per table for our 10 tables. We were able to do this during our cocktail hour as we only did a few posed pictures. After the introductions and start of the reception, we separated and spent time with each table of guests on each of our respective sides as well as tables with our mutual friends. Anyone we didn't catch during our table visits, we tried to find after the dinner service. Many people appreciated how much time we were able to spend with them, and only one person had anything negative to say about us properly greeting and thanking our guests at the reception.

It sounds like you did everything properly. What did they say?

Cookie Pusher

tammym1001 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

DH and I did the first round of table visits together, about 3-4 minutes per table for our 10 tables. We were able to do this during our cocktail hour as we only did a few posed pictures. After the introductions and start of the reception, we separated and spent time with each table of guests on each of our respective sides as well as tables with our mutual friends. Anyone we didn't catch during our table visits, we tried to find after the dinner service. Many people appreciated how much time we were able to spend with them, and only one person had anything negative to say about us properly greeting and thanking our guests at the reception.

It sounds like you did everything properly. What did they say?

Not much, just that they were unhappy. Honestly, there's no pleasing some people!

mysticl

scribe95 said:

Honestly, you have just joined in marriage and that means merging families. I think it's odd that you wouldn't greet each other's families. As far as what I know of table visits you don't sit down to chat

Yeah, all the ones I've seen the bride and groom give a blanket hello and thank you to the table and get the heck out before people suck them in to conversation.  They don't address each person at the table.  

huskypuppy14

mysticl said:

scribe95 said:

Honestly, you have just joined in marriage and that means merging families. I think it's odd that you wouldn't greet each other's families. As far as what I know of table visits you don't sit down to chat

Yeah, all the ones I've seen the bride and groom give a blanket hello and thank you to the table and get the heck out before people suck them in to conversation.  They don't address each person at the table.  

We addressed each person (or each couple) at the table. We also sat down at a few of the tables to chat.  And most of the weddings I've been to, they have come up to each person and said hello.

kns1988

Someone offered up advice for my fiance and I recently. She said that her biggest piece of advice would be not to split up when greeting your guests because you'll get caught up in conversations and won't see each other the rest of the night. That's obviously an exaggeration, but I think she's right that we'll spend less time together if we split up. 

SewInLoveWithDMB

Could you do a receiving line? That way, you will each meet every person. Then, if one half of the couple wanted to visit with some people, at least the bride and groom have already thanked and chatted with everyone.

offensivekitten2

I would find it weird to see the bride and groom spending a good portion of the reception separated.  It won't kill your FI to smile, nod, and say 'thank you' while you handle most of the talking.  In fact, if you guys divide, he'll have to do MORE talking.