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Moms and Maids

Mother and Step-Mother of the Groom Issues

My FSMIL wants me to go dress shopping with her, which we are both very excited about. She has been married to my FFIL for 20+ years and even though my FI was not close with her or his father most of his childhood, since the time I have known him they have been getting closer. My FMIL is extremely upset that my FSMIL is "getting a special mother of the groom dress." She simply wants to look nice and I feel she deserves to just like my mother and FMIL. FMIL is making a huge deal about it and is barely speaking to us lately. FI is very close with her and we both do not want to make this an issue. This should NOT be an issue.

FMIL's husband passed away a few years ago and she has not remarried since. If he were alive, he would be wearing a tux along with my dad and FFIL. So this just doesn't make sense to me. FMIL feels like the spotlight is being taken off of her and put on FSMIL which is not the case, there is no special ceremony for either of them, depsite what FMIL may think. Yesterday FMIL told FI that if step-mom was wearing a long dress at the wedding, she will leave. I don't believe she would leave but why would she even say it?! It is a November wedding in PA. I guarentee many women will have long dresses on. My grandmother wears long dresses to every wedding, even in the summer.

I know I should just shrug this off and not let it bother me or my FI but it is. We don't want to cause problems with FMIL but FSMIL deserves to be able to wear what she wants without issues.

Re: Mother and Step-Mother of the Groom Issues

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Who told FMIL that FSMIL was getting a MOG dress? 

    I think FMIL is over reacting, but learn from this. Don't discuss anything about FSMIL with FMIL and vice versa. Everyone will be happier. Your Fi should tell his mother that she is his only mom and nothing, not even a fancy dress and corsage, will change that.
                       
  • FI was talking to FMIL a few weeks back about wedding things and while they were talking about her dress, he mentioned that I was planning on going shopping with FSMIL. He never expected her to react the way she did.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Now he knows.
                       
  • She is clearly overreacting, but have you offered to go shopping with your FMIL?  If you haven't I would offer a special day with her.

    Also, agree with PP about not discussing anything about FSMIL with FMIL and vise versa.  If FMIL continues her behavior, have your FI talk to her. 
    image
    MairePoppy
  • I offered to go shopping with FMIL and we were going to go but she decided to order a dress online. He has talked to her about it but she refuses to believe she's overreacting. Thank you!
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    She has no control over what anyone else wears to the wedding. Your fi should let her know that he will be very disappointed if she acts like a petulant child at his wedding. After that, if she threatens again, just shrug and change the subject.


                       
  • Ditto @MairePoppy.   "Mom, I am sad to see that this upset you but I am not going to tell anyone what to wear to the wedding.    If you make a scene and leave the wedding, I guarantee you that people aren't going to think that Step Mom isn't the one acting inappropriately and I'll be quite upset that you ran out on my wedding." 

    Then drop the subject.     
    kmmssglc07
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