Why inviting SOs is the right thing to do

VulgarGirl

Ok, I've seen a few posts pop up about how people "won't mind" if you can't invite their boyfriend/girlfriend of less then X amount of months. Now of course the rest of us respond with "No honey, that's not polite, they mind they're just keeping hush about it" (I've been watching Designing Women so I'm kind all sassy southern today).

Well, I'm trying to start getting everyone's addresses and name spellings and what not in order to do the invites. So I ask my little brother to please get the proper spelling of his girlfriend's last name. And I tell him I'll be listing her name on his invitation that will go to his place because I'm 98% sure that's right (if that's not right someone tell me so I can get it right), but that she is for sure invited as his guest. So he tells her I need her proper spelling of her last name (it's a little complicated and he wasn't entirely sure) and can she call me/text me with that.

This girl, she just turned 18, calls me up practically crying from happiness that I'd be so kind as to extend a wedding invitation to her and she's just so happy to get to be at the wedding and she loves our family and it's just so great we're including her and I'm just the bestest nicest lady ever and oh yeah here's how you spell my name.

Now, if you do not invite your little brother's girlfriend of 4 months you might not hear shit about it. Your brother won't say anything, his girlfriend won't say anything, and you'll go on believing that no one mind's. But if you do invite them, you might get the acknowledgement that you are doing the right thing and that they are touched you're doing the right thing. I'm just saying.

Also I know they're young and they might break up in a few months (I hope not, she's pretty awesome), but FI and I were 18 when we got together. If I've gotta put up with her for the next 10 years (or longer) I don't want her pissed about not coming to my wedding.

Oh and little brother called me up to thank me for inviting her because she explained to him that I was acknowledging their relationship is real and important and that's good. 

KatieinBkln

WORD!

I honestly can't even understand the "won't mind" reasoning. Why would I want to aim for people "not minding" my choices? My wedding is my first big party (probably the only truly big party I'll ever throw). Why wouldn't I want it to be the best party ever for my loved ones? Why not aim high? I have to say, I have a much higher likelihood of feeling "special" on "my day" (ugh) if the feelings of specialness and self-worth come from knowing I'm doing something cool for others, rather than...I don't know, wearing the right dress? Having identical bridesmaids "for pictures"? I don't know what these special princess things ARE, guys. What is more special than throwing the best party ever and making your guests feel great? 

lyndausvi

YEP.

I've said this many times.  I get great joy from hosting guests.  I love seeing my guests happy and comfortable.  I personally can not enjoy myself knowing my guests are not being taken care of.  

To me the ceremony is about our union. The wedding reception is just like any other hosted event only generally on a bigger scale.   I would never think of excluding an SO to my yearly superbowl party, why would I all the sudden exclude them from my wedding? 

 Just because it costs more?  No.  It's called budgeting.   I'm capable to figuring out how to host properly without excluding people like GF and BFs of guests who are special enough to warrant an invite from me.

holyguacamole79

(and this is meant to be sincere, not sarcastic)

slothiegal

sarahbear31 said:

(and this is meant to be sincere, not sarcastic)

VulgarGirl

sarahbear31 said:

(and this is meant to be sincere, not sarcastic)

It's Tina Fey. I'm good with whatever it is. It's Tina Fey. I'm kind of in love with her. 

wandajune6

I hate going to weddings without a date. It sucks. Sure, it's not as bad if you know a lot of people in attendance, but it's always sad when the person you want to dance with isn't there. It's less of an issue when single, but it's nice to have the choice.

We budgeted for everyone to bring a date. We know that there are many people who will come solo but we wanted to give them options. Our wedding is pretty bare bones but we plan to make last-minute upgrades once we hear about cancellations or people coming alone.

jenajjthr

Not that this is remotely close to the same thing, but my nephew who has Asperger's hates to dress up in nice clothes. When my wedding came up I let him know jeans and a polo shirt was okay. My mom, his guardian, really wanted him in dress pants and a button down because its my wedding. He told her but Aunt Jenajjthr said I could be comfortable in jeans! She called to verify and I said yeah, no big deal. 

I will say, thanks to the Knot I did make sure all SO's were invited, and we did invite +1's because we had it in our budget.

VulgarGirl

jenajjthr said:

Not that this is remotely close to the same thing, but my nephew who has Asperger's hates to dress up in nice clothes. When my wedding came up I let him know jeans and a polo shirt was okay. My mom, his guardian, really wanted him in dress pants and a button down because its my wedding. He told her but Aunt Jenajjthr said I could be comfortable in jeans! She called to verify and I said yeah, no big deal. 

I will say, thanks to the Knot I did make sure all SO's were invited, and we did invite +1's because we had it in our budget.

I want to love this more then once. Because that's just awesome. I know people with various spectrum disorders, and I love when people are able to accept some things (small things really) are different for them.

Like my friend's brother has autism. He's pretty high functioning, but he has his routines. One of his routines is praying before eating. We say grace before we eat because we say grace before we eat. Standing in the middle of a mall eating pretzels, he wanted to say grace and I happily put down my pretzel, took his hand and told him to lead us. I don't usually say grace before a meal. I'm not religious. But I can take someone's hand and be grateful for food because it's part of their routine. Even in the middle of a shopping mall and I don't really give a shit what other people think about us doing so (we had some people pointing and someone made some rude comment). 

KeptInStitches

I saw the thread title and thought, "um, because it is?"

Love your story!

jenajjthr

@MagicInk he is a 17 year old and is a Brony. For those of you who don't know what that is, he is a boy who loves, LOVES, the new My Little Pony. His favorite is AppleJack. Her character just came out at Build-A-Bear. I got the pleasure of taking him, my daughter whose is 9, my son whose is 13 and loves the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who are also there, and my stepdaughter, to the local store to buy stuffed animals. My nephew saved his own money to buy his. But of course he couldn't just have the stuffed animal, we had to have the cowboy hat, boots, hair ribbons, and cape thing. I'm sure we got stares, but love my nephew, that stuff doesn't phase him. He just goes about his business. And when we do get the rude people who make comments, they get me to deal with. I make a momma bear look like a freaking kitten.

theexactlee

Okay two things.

1. I don't quite understand why people wouldn't invite SO's so this is beyond me anyway

2. Where the heck is Designing Women still airing please tell me quickly quickly quickly

VulgarGirl

theexactlee said:

Okay two things.

1. I don't quite understand why people wouldn't invite SO's so this is beyond me anyway

2. Where the heck is Designing Women still airing please tell me quickly quickly quickly

I checked out the DVDs from the library. My local library has the entire series.

gmcr78

theexactlee LOGO has been showing Designing Women!  I go there to get my Sugarbaker fix!

VulgarGirl

gmcr78 said:

theexactlee LOGO has been showing Designing Women!  I go there to get my Sugarbaker fix!

Oh yeah! I heard that they were showing them (we do not currently have LOGO, I want it back though). 

sophhabobopha

Last summer Fi(then BF)'s cousin was getting married. I had met her one before the wedding, super nice girl. When he called to make sure I was invited, her response was,"Of course! Are you kidding?" And at the wedding she told me how excited she was that I made it. Fi and I are a young couple (I'm 19, he's 22), so small stuff like that means the world.