Programs

gothic_fairy60

I should start off by saying that I know programs are not necessary. FI and I have put a bunch of effort into designing programs and the next step is printing them. I don't really want to scrap them or have to re-do them much. That being said:

Our programs have the BM and GM listed in the programs, along with parents. So if a BM or GM is no longer able to walk down the aisle should I remove their name or just leave it in the program?

Edited for clarity: One BM lost her dress and one GM might not be paying for the tux he agreed to months ago. With 30 days to go FI and I can not afford to pay for either persons attire. Not attire, no walking. I feel bad but there is nothing I can do, and it is not my job to pay for either. They are still invited to the wedding though. 

southernbelle0915

gothic_fairy60 said:

I should start off by saying that I know programs are not necessary. FI and I have put a bunch of effort into designing programs and tvhe next step is printing them. I don't really want to scrap them or have to re-do them much. That being said:

Our programs have the BM and GM listed in the programs, along with parents. So if a BM or GM is no longer able to walk down the aisle should I remove their name or just leave it in the program?

If they're still your BM or GM but just unable to walk down the aisle (injury?), I would. If they're not attending at all for some reason, it might be confusing to list them.

[Deleted User]

Leave it.  They're still your besties, right?  Just because they get caught in a hurricane and can't make it, doesn't make them less of a bridesmaid, it just makes it a bummer that they're stuck in an airport somewhere.

JCbride2015

I would leave it, personally.  They are still your BM/GM in spirit.

manateehugger

We had three groomsmen deployed or in training during the wedding and weren't able to make it. We left them in because they were still groomsmen, even if they couldn't be there. We still wanted to honor them.

No one cared or asked where the missing guys were, but one of my BMs was the wife of a GM and got very emotional and thankful we left him in the program. 

gothic_fairy60

southernbelle0915

@adk19

JCbride2015

@PDKH

Thank you for responding. I did edit my post to clarify.

[Deleted User]

In that case, if they're still attending but no longer your attendants, take them off.  But if the BM finds her dress or buys a new one, you'll have to put her back in.  If the GM ends up paying for the tux, you'll have to put him back in.

Though at some point you have to actually print the damn programs.  If you take them off and they take too long to remedy the situation you can let them walk, they just won't be listed in the program.  Some people might be confused, but then you could just introduce them at the reception so everyone knows who they are.

manateehugger

Oh, in that case, I would not. It would seem passive-aggressive.

gothic_fairy60

I think that normally I would try to be a little more accommodating but I can't emotionally handle this. Yesterday I found that there was a death in my family and a couple hours later I heard about the BM and GM. 

I want to be the bride that says "We can figure something out". Emotionally and financially I can't though. I can't pay for them and right now I don't feel like I can deal with it. The wedding is 30 days away. I am the type that stresses about everything so the last few weeks I have been a slight wreck. Then my cousins death yesterday. I just can't put energy into adding anything to my plate right now.

April192002

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the wedding stress. I say leave them in the program and don't replace them (and it's okay to be down one person from each side or have uneven sides). I personally would still let them walk, stand up with everyone, be in pictures, etc. because I really don't care if everyone matches. They were asked to be in this role for a reason and life happened.

I am curious to know how the dress got lost.

indianaalum

How in earth does someone lose their bridesmaid dress?!? Please tell. LOL

gothic_fairy60

@April192002

@indianaalum

Maybe lost is not the best word. She first told me she couldn't find it. Since she has told me that someone took it, and she says she knows who. When I asked if she was gonna be able to get it back from them or why they took it in the first place she says she doesn't know. I don't know what to think at this point.

indianaalum

Is she removing herself from the wedding on purpose? Is she using the "lost dress" as an excuse?

RebeccaB88

I'm with you guys, in that I have no idea how you lose a bridesmaid's dress (aside from being lost in the mail or in a piece of luggage through the airline or something like that), or why anyone would WANT to steal a bridesmaid's dress.

My gut feeling is that both BM and GM are trying to back out of the wedding party altogether, so I'd remove them from the program and let it go.

melbenso

We had 2 original wedding party members be unable to attend our ceremony.

One dropped out long before we printed the programs, due to health reasons.  We did not list her in the program.

One had a last minute emergency and wasn't able to attend.  She was listed in the program.  I don't think anyone other than our family members noticed that she wasn't there.  Hardly anyone asked.  And if they did, we just explained she had a last minute emergency.

Moral of the story: either way is fine.  Do what you think works best for your situation.