Is this incredibly rude and just plain awful?

wrigleyville

Don't use "they won't have fun" as some excuse. You don't know that. I LOVED going to weddings when I was a teenager.

Simply Fated

The fact that he doesn't think they won't have fun should have ZERO bearing on whether or not they should be invited. You don't know whether or not they'd have fun. The fact that they are under 18 should have ZERO bearing on whether or not they should be invited, since siblings of the groom are always an exception.

The fact that he doesn't have a relationship with them should be taken into consideration, especially if he is okay with never having a relationship with them after he doesn't invite them to his wedding. I mean, he pretty much seals his fate with them if he doesn't invite them to his wedding. Are future holidays and family get togethers going to be awkward because they weren't invited?

manateehugger

lyndausvi said:

PDKH said:

'd say that's between him, his sisters, and his mother. I do think 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to realize and be hurt by the exclusion. I don't understand deliberately excluding them; he may not be close to them, but I think this could be a step in permanently closing the door on a relationship. They wont be teenagers forever.

I personally couldn't imagine not inviting my siblings and would be crushed to be denied entry to a sibling's wedding, but I am not your FI.

@pdkh  - who are you responding to?  It's not on my feed.  So am I'm blocking someone and don't know it?  Because I never block anyone, so it would have had to been a mistake.

Or did they block me from seeing them?  If so I wonder who and why?

Yeah, I have no idea what happened, but I said that whole thing - no quoting. TK is stupid. 

soontobemrshamilton

Yeah, I'm scared of the consequences it will bring if he doesn't invite them, mostly with his mom. It's not because of their age or he doesn't think they are good enough. It's because they don't have a relationship, for many reason's. Their age and he didn't grow up with them or live with them.

I talked to him about it this weekend and I think we came up with a good plan. So thank you everyone for your input!

WildMagelet

I've been a younger (step) sibling that wasn't invited to a family wedding.  I never tried to develop a relationship with that sibling as I got older because I felt slighted and unimportant.

If they were adults and you weren't close - I'd say do what you want.  They're kids.  Invite them with their parents so you don't risk hurting FI's half-sisters, a parent and a stepparent.

PrettyGirlLost

Teddy917 said:

I think if he's not close to them, it's his decision. I don't think whether or not he might be close to them later is a factor. Yes, the fact that they are at an age this could affect them more than it would otherwise is a factor. But it's ultimately his decision.

This.

Many of you are saying you can't imagine not inviting your siblings to your wedding. . . well that's because you consider those people to be your siblings.  This Groom may not, for whatever reason.

Many times younger half siblings are the result of affairs or 2nd marriages after divorces/affairs, so I can see where the adult children of the previous marriage may be hurt and not want to have anything to do with their half siblings.

I am not sure what the back story on the Groom's family is, but if he isn't close to these girls, doesn't really consider them siblings, and doesn't care to have a relationship with them, it's his prerogative.

Hell, I'm not inviting the 5 children of my 2nd cousin's wife to my wedding, even though we are family. . . I'm not close with those kids at all.

 

OnceUponSnow

I understand his reasoning, but this is a very delicate situation that could end up in resentment for years to come as his half-sisters get older. And this could deeply upset his mother, too. Bottom line, I think the right thing to do is to invite them. He can still invite a few more friends, at this point a few extra plates won't break the bank, and if you have a few declines, it will even out your budget anyway. 

OnionBreath

Yeah, ok this seems pretty awful to me. I'd be hurt to know my sibling got married and didn't invite me at all.

PrettyGirlLost

OnceUponSnow said:

I understand his reasoning, but this is a very delicate situation that could end up in resentment for years to come as his half-sisters get older. And this could deeply upset his mother, too. Bottom line, I think the right thing to do is to invite them. He can still invite a few more friends, at this point a few extra plates won't break the bank, and if you have a few declines, it will even out your budget anyway. 

Not necessarily because we don't know anything about their family dynamics to speculate.

It's possible that not inviting the half-sibs will cause issues with them and their mother, but it's also possible that the groom isn't particularly close to any of the three of them, doesn't really associate with any of them too regularly, and doesn't think the possibility of future drama is that much of an issue.

It's possible the groom's mother had an affair, ended the marriage, and these kids are the result, and he's not interested in having a relationship with them due to unresolved issues stemming from the affair and divorce.

Who the heck knows what the deal is with his family, so I'm not going to speculate or suggest he needs to compromise and include people he isn't close to just because they are technically family.  All I can say based on the information we have been presented is that this is an issue between the Groom and his family, and I think the Bride should stay out of it and let him decide what he wants to do.

lyndausvi

As the bride his choice may also have a long last effect on her relationship with her FMIL and FSILs.  I think the question was a valid question and people gave their opinions.  Some of us personal experiences with the very subject.

 Sometimes you need an outside perspective on a subject.  He might be still like "fuck it, they are not invited".  He might come back and say "gee, I had not looked at it in that way.  Maybe it's not as good of an idea as I thought".

That is the point of these boards.   Etiquette wise he is under no obligation to invite them.    

Consequences of that choice could still have long lasting implications.  Only they can decide if those potential consequences are worth it or not.