Wedding 911

Should we include his kids? (Tough situation) XP

FI and I are getting married on 12/12/14. It's the second marriage for both of us. I don't have any kids, but he has 3...two girls (ages 6 and 8) and a 4 year old son. The idea was to have his 2 daughters be flower girls and his son be a ring bearer with my 3 year old nephew. His kids love me, and I love them as if they are my own. They stay with FI and I every weekend, and they always have fun. He and I are both worried about the girls, especially the 8 year old. She's very smart and understands what's going on. She took it very hard when her father told her about he and I being engaged. (Although FI and I are sure his ex wife put ideas in their heads too. She sometimes can be very good about it and other times be very jealous and spiteful.) It's been a tough situation for her, which I understand. I'm sure I would go back and forth like that also if I were in that position. We go back and forth about whether the girls should be at the wedding at all. Part of us both think that maybe they're too young and fragile to witness their father marrying someone else, even though they love me and know that I love them. Another part of me worries when they get older that they will be resentful that they were left out. Has anybody else gone through this? How did you handle it?

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Re: Should we include his kids? (Tough situation) XP

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would included them.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I would include them as well.
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  • Not to include them will set a bad precedent for your future together, and will make you look like the evil stepmother.  Invite them.
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  • decembergrl2014decembergrl2014 NYC!!! member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Thank you ladies. I want them there more than anything. It doesn't matter to me if they are flower girls or not. It's just a matter of convincing FI to include them. I think if he doesn't have them there that he will regret it, especially when we get the pics back. I'll feel really bad too. To me it will seem like the day was incomplete without them, especially if his son is there. He also mentioned to me about doing a father/daughter dance with the 2 of them in lieu of a mother/son dance. (His mother passed away.) I think deep down he wants them there as well, he's just afraid of the girls saying no. I agree about letting them decide. They may change their minds back and forth between now and then. I just wish there were some "magic words" to say to convince them to come.

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  • izza2izza2 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Definitely include them. My FI's son is going to be one of our ring bearers (along with my nephew). He was our first thought for a wedding party. Before we even got engaged we decided he'd be the ring bearer, haha. I think the father/daughter dance with his daughters would be fantastic. I think it would help make them feel more included and remind them that, although you two are getting married, they're still just as important as they ever were.
    decembergrl2014
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