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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Cord of Three Strands plus a child?

My fiance and I are interested in doing a unity ceremony, but we want to do something different. No sand, no water, no wine in a box, no candles. We found the Cord of Three Strands online and we love it, but we really want to include our son into this ceremony. Here are my thoughts:

1. Consider God to be the ring that holds the strands together and each of us are the individual strands. We couldn't stay braided together without God.
2. Add another strand.

Any other ideas? Any other unity ceremonies you would recommend? We definitely want to be able to include our son into this. He will be almost two on our wedding day, so we are kind of limited in what he can physically do, but we could always do it for him. 

Thanks!

Re: Cord of Three Strands plus a child?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Given how young your son is, I'd just take photos with him. He'll still be "included."

    A baby who isn't even 2 years old is just too young to participate in a wedding ceremony in any other really meaningful way. Even if he were older, it wouldn't be appropriate for him to say any vows or have any said to him. HE isn't getting married.
  • I agree with not including your son.  He won't get it at all.  I don't know what your plans are for the future but if another child is a possibility are you going to then hold another ceremony to signify him or her becoming part of your family?  Somehow I doubt you are going to throw another major event like that to reunify your family.  
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  • Your wedding is a ceremony that unites the two of you in marriage.  Your son is too young to be a part of your ceremony.  He will not understand what is happening.  Please do not do this.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm not a fan of incorporating children into the ceremony other than in roles in the wedding party.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • The wedding itself is a unity ceremony, so you really don't need an extra unity ceremony within a unity ceremony. If you do really want to do one, however, the one I would avoid would be the cord of three strands (if you care about the meaning behind the ceremony). That comes from Ecclesiastes 4:12 in the Bible, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In context, it also talks about being able to help each other up if one stumbles. It's talking about spiritual accountability, so including your son in the cord of three (/four) strands is saying your son is as responsible for your spiritual development as you are for his. It's treating him as a spiritual equal, which I think is a little unfair for a 2 year old.

    And, as others have said, a wedding is about uniting the two of you in marriage. Is your son biologically both of yours, or are one of you acquiring a stepchild? One thing my pastor suggested was picking a different day after the wedding to have a "family birthday" to celebrate becoming a family. Then you have a special day to celebrate the family that's separate from your anniversary, and you can have a celebration (and cake) every year that is more child-friendly.

    One part of the day that could work to incorporate your son, if you're interested in the symbolism of all the different events of the day and what would actually apply to a child, is the cake cutting. Feeding the cake to each other symbolizes your promise to provide for each other; it seems appropriate that you can both feed the cake to your child (but he doesn't feed it to you) as a promise to provide for him.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    00kim00 said:
    The wedding itself is a unity ceremony, so you really don't need an extra unity ceremony within a unity ceremony. If you do really want to do one, however, the one I would avoid would be the cord of three strands (if you care about the meaning behind the ceremony). That comes from Ecclesiastes 4:12 in the Bible, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In context, it also talks about being able to help each other up if one stumbles. It's talking about spiritual accountability, so including your son in the cord of three (/four) strands is saying your son is as responsible for your spiritual development as you are for his. It's treating him as a spiritual equal, which I think is a little unfair for a 2 year old.

    And, as others have said, a wedding is about uniting the two of you in marriage. Is your son biologically both of yours, or are one of you acquiring a stepchild? One thing my pastor suggested was picking a different day after the wedding to have a "family birthday" to celebrate becoming a family. Then you have a special day to celebrate the family that's separate from your anniversary, and you can have a celebration (and cake) every year that is more child-friendly.

    One part of the day that could work to incorporate your son, if you're interested in the symbolism of all the different events of the day and what would actually apply to a child, is the cake cutting. Feeding the cake to each other symbolizes your promise to provide for each other; it seems appropriate that you can both feed the cake to your child (but he doesn't feed it to you) as a promise to provide for him.
    I still wouldn't do this with a not-yet 2 year old.
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