October 2014 Weddings

Suddenly realizing there are more to invite!?

So is anyone else having a second invite list for after RSVP's come in? 

I have always felt sort of funny about doing this, because I suspect I was on the "B list" for the last wedding I was invited to, and I was so glad to be invited, but I also knew I wasn't considered important enough to be invited the first time around. 

I just went to a bit birthday party last night where EVERYONE was talking about our wedding, and a few couples said something along the lines of, "Have a wonderful day, I'm sure it will be beautiful!" I left the party feeling like, these couples probably should have been invited, why didn't I think of this before. My FI even told me a few days ago, he ran into an old friend who actually asked him if he was invited! (I understand no one should ever ask that question) The answer is NO as of right now, but I suppose that COULD change if I do a "B list" ! He explained that we were already over our # for our quest list. Now if we do end up inviting him, he will obviously know he was on the "B list". 

My only problem is I originally didn't want my guest list over 100, and I'm already sending invites to 125! Do I just add these people the first time around, or should I wait until after RSVPs come in? Is anyone else suddenly realizing they left out some people? 

Just another thing to stress about...

Re: Suddenly realizing there are more to invite!?

  • These people already accept that they aren't invited and yet you want to invite them? Keep it as is. If you didn't think to include them in your first list then don't invite them. I was wavering about one person but I already know she gets that we are keeping it small and she's not invited, so even though I could go either way with inviting her, I need to just stick to my initial list and that's that. If less people come then so be it.
  • Try to stick to your original list. My FI told me that one of his friends has a girlfriend now. We weren't planning on giving truly single guests a plus-one, but of course we'll be inviting both of them now. I'm expecting a few more relationships might begin before our wedding, so we are prepared for that.

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  • Etiquette-wise, you should never B-list anyone because it is viewed as rude.  If they weren't "important" enough to be invited with the first batch, there was a reason.  Does it make you feel a little bad for not inviting them? Yeah, but if they realize they were B-listed, you might hurt more feelings.  If they have come to terms with them not being invited, I'd let it be.  If they make a big deal, just tell them you decided on an intimate affair with family and close friends.

    The only exception to add people to the list after setting your guest list (besides what beachyone15 said) is a family member overlook.  For example, my mother-in-law didn't invite an aunt my fiance was close to.  We immediately sent her a save-the-date when we learned of the error.  Thankfully, it was only a few days after the others went out.


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  • If your invites haven't gone out yet, you can still invite them. If the invites HAVE gone out, the. It would be rude to add them unless it has been close enough to the original batch that they don't realize. You don't have to give everyone a save the date, a lot of people only give STDs to out of town guests and family, so they won't think they're b-listed just because they didn't get a StD. However, it seems you are already over the amount of people you wanted to host, so to me it wouldn't be worth adding them, even if it makes you feel a little guilty. Just say you can't accommodate everyone you wish you could.
  • I spoke with my mom about it and she told me I should add who ever I want! Since my parents are paying, that really helped me make up my mind. I was even able to get the addresses right before the calligrapher sent the envelopes back, so they will be addressed nicely as well. I feel very relieved about it. They did not get a save the date, but I'm not very worried about that, like you said. Although I'm pretty sure they are well aware that std's were sent out. Oh well, I'm done worrying about it!
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