Head Table - Just Don't - Rant

sarawifenow

Phew just got through all of the pages of this thread. I need a drink now. Oh, and I am having a sweetheart table and sitting my BP with their SOs--where they should be. So there!

beachyone15

SaraBrideSoon said:

Phew just got through all of the pages of this thread. I need a drink now. Oh, and I am having a sweetheart table and sitting my BP with their SOs--where they should be. So there!

Me too. I'm all about a sweetheart table. I think it's odd that people are worried about being "the center of attention" if they have one. I'm pretty sure your guests are going to be happily eating/drinking, not staring at the two of you eating the whole time.

theartistformerlyknownas

beachyone15 said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

Phew just got through all of the pages of this thread. I need a drink now. Oh, and I am having a sweetheart table and sitting my BP with their SOs--where they should be. So there!

Me too. I'm all about a sweetheart table. I think it's odd that people are worried about being "the center of attention" if they have one. I'm pretty sure your guests are going to be happily eating/drinking, not staring at the two of you eating the whole time.

Even if they are staring at you... um, you just bared your soul and pledged your undying devotion to another person in front of all of them while they stared at you. But you're worried about eating a piece of chicken in front of them?

MrsMarende

Didn't read the whole thread because it was long and I am being lazy, but we are having a Head table where the WP and their SO or guests sits with us. Everything in life has a compromise.

Kahlyla

We sat at a regular round table with our wedding party members and their guests (they weren't all SOs - two people brought friends, whom we knew about and invited). We didn't want to be the centre of attention any longer than we had to be! It was a small wedding, and we were able to visit and chat with all of our other guests quite easily, so we were good with just kind of blending into the crowd when it came to actual seating arrangements.

artbyallie

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

I adore Shakespeare. That still doesn't make 'shrew' an okay thing to call someone.

WinstonsGirl

We sat at a round table with both sets of parents.  MOH and BM sat at tables with their SO and friends/family.  We only had 40 people and 5 tables total.  

jellybeann

I've only been in one wedding, and before I knew about the seating arrangements I was worried that FI would have to sit away from me and with a bunch of my sorority sisters that he didn't know. Luckily, the B&G had a sweetheart table and two WP tables where everyone in the WP got to sit with their SO. Having only been to weddings before then where there were head tables, I was really relieved and super happy I got to spend dinner with FI. I had been away since ~10am that morning, so by the time dinner rolled around we had been apart for more than a "couple" of hours. We were long-distance at that time and only saw each other on weekends so we were sort of losing that weekend together due to travel/me spending time with the bride/other BMs. So it was nice to be able to spend the whole reception together.

For our wedding, it was important to us to let the WP sit with their SOs. I went to my cousin's wedding with the "traditional" head table, and cousin's groomsmen's SOs (wives and FIs) were seated at random tables - I felt bad for them. My awesome venue coordinator offered something he called an "executive table," which is like an oval king's table with no one sitting across from FI and I (sort of hard to explain) - and it can fit up to like 36 people! That way we can have all of the SOs sit with the WP, even if all of them bring SOs/dates with them. There will be no random awkward table assignments for SOs of WP that don't know anyone else.

Ndelible

@lolo883 ‌ , I think I love you. And the picture!

Ndelible

AddieCake said:

Ndelible said:

AddieCake said:

Ndelible said:

Yes, nasty, shrewish and just over the top. Your opinion on something does not make it proper hosting. I love telling people about some of the stuff written on this board. Sometimes I even read it, because no one believes me. I am all for love. I just think the whining is unnecessary.

So you're boasting about making fun of the regular posters here to your IRL friends? Gee, I really want to get to know you now. Why are you here if that's how you feel about us?

Call it boasting, I call it maybe a reality check.  If I stopped random people on the street and read what some replies say, well, it's harsh.  I've seen it many times called out by newer members of the board and they are immediately dismissed.  Look, this is a public forum, no one person or group of persons owns it or calls the shots, except the owners.  Perhaps if it's stated more than a few times, posters might take into account that their tone is not friendly, helpful or supportive.  When someone comes to a wedding forum, they probably expect friendly, helpful advice.  That's not to say that the advice has to change but perhaps the way it is delivered.  Many time, the excuse is that Posters are tired of having to explain the same thing over and over again.  Not sufficient - there must be thousands of new members a month....  The boards are confusing and it is difficult to navigate when you first sign up.  If someone is tired of answering the same questions, perhaps they've been on too long?  Just a thought.  It's an opinion.

People have tried for years to tell posters here how to post. So no, it being said "a few times" is not going to change anything. It's been said a few hundred times and the results are always the same. There are other forums where the women are not "shrewish." My suggestion is go there if you prefer that style as opposed to trying to change the dynamic of this forum.

I think I hate TK quote feature too...   I have no illusions of changing everyone's style of response, but I think it's more than okay to state opinions, as others do.  Wow, if it's been said a "few hundred times" that means that there may be many out there thinking the same thing, but not bothering to respond.  It's like bullying.  And bullying is wrong.  Or so my son's elementary school says (tongue firmly in cheek).

Ndelible

artbyallie said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

I adore Shakespeare. That still doesn't make 'shrew' an okay thing to call someone.

I have seen so many names and slurs on these boards, I actually think shrew is kind of tame.  How about saying someone is a horrible person or terrible host; rude; spoiled; bratty; bitchy?  Just to name a few.  I'd rather call someone out on their behavior than say they are bad people or stupid or worse.

Ndelible

lolo883 said:

beachyone15 said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

Phew just got through all of the pages of this thread. I need a drink now. Oh, and I am having a sweetheart table and sitting my BP with their SOs--where they should be. So there!

Me too. I'm all about a sweetheart table. I think it's odd that people are worried about being "the center of attention" if they have one. I'm pretty sure your guests are going to be happily eating/drinking, not staring at the two of you eating the whole time.

Even if they are staring at you... um, you just bared your soul and pledged your undying devotion to another person in front of all of them while they stared at you. But you're worried about eating a piece of chicken in front of them?

I am really not looking forward to anyone seeing me eat.  I tend to get stuff stuck in my front teeth and people love to tell me about it.  Then I say, "but I'm not done yet!"  I'm hoping everyone will be distracted talking and what not so that I can eat in peace.  Or not.  Actually don't expect to eat much.  And maybe I'll stay away from the spinach.

Ndelible

lyndausvi said:

lolo883 said:

Ndelible said:

Anyone brave enough to apologize for the incorrect assumption that I am having two weddings? Anyone? Or crickets?

You've adamantly defended PPDs in quite a few other threads, and I was certain you had said you were getting married legally before your own "real" ceremony. However since you've said more than one time that you don't consider a legal marriage a "wedding," I'm not sure I believe you now when you use the verbiage that you're not having "two weddings." If I was mistaken, I apologize. 

Thank you @lolo883.  I do appreciate the correction.  Yes, I have defended people choosing their own manner of celebrating their marriage/wedding/union, whatever...  I tend to think of weddings as the celebration of -- not the act of -- if that makes sense.   As for the usage of "two weddings", I had to think up another way to say what is so derisively referred to on these boards as a "PPD".  I think it's ugly and insulting, so I say two weddings. 

I'm not having two weddings, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I would if some situation arose that made it the smart thing to do.  And no one say it's never smart, because that's from where you sit.  I simply think that different strokes for different folks is quite apt in these kinds of situations.

Back to table arrangements -- and I think just about anyone can have an opinion on those - regardless of their stance on the great "two wedding" debates.  Has anyone done something completely out of the box, like the X or square W (as opposed to a U) set up?  I think it can work, (actually hoping), but wondering if anyone else tried such a thing?

I was pretty out of the box.   We had a mix of round and square tables.    Our table was plopped in the middle of the room.  It was a square table.  DH and I sat on one side.   4 of my nieces sat on one side.  1 niece and 2 nephews sat on the other side.  All of them were in the wedding party.  The fourth side was left empty.  It allowed up to look out to the dance floor which was down 2 small steps.   

My parent's table was the right of our table.  That had parents, sister (moh), BIL, 2 brothers (one was a gm), 2 SIL, BM who was friend and her husband.

MIL's table was the left of our table.  That had both SILs (both BM's), their dates, best man (DH's brother) and his date.

The other 2 GMs and their SOs sat with their friends at a table which was down those 2 small steps next to the dance floor.

This was a clear case of know your crowd. My nieces/nephews are well behaved kids (my siblings are pretty strict when it comes to how to act in public).  They were not 4 years old and needed food to be cut either.   The 7 of them always eat at their own table at family gatherings, so it wasn't their first time.

 If the WP was told they would have to sit at a HT they would have without complaint.     The fact they got to sit with their SOs was a welcomed bonus.  Small detail that the didn't know they liked so much as it's just "standard" to be separated.   Their SOs were appreciative also.

Great set up!  I love out of the box thinking.  I don't know if the venue can handle so many different table set ups, but I like it.  I also hated the island feeling of round tables.  Whenever I go to an event that has them, I always feel like I'm missing out on the folks at other tables.

Ndelible

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

Why, yes, I have read The Taming of the Shrew.  It happens to be my favorite WS play.  And really, not women's domain?  The Knot?  Probably more than 90% female...  Talking about weddings...  The events that mostly women dream of...  Yup, that's being sexist.

Ndelible

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

Why, yes, I have read The Taming of the Shrew.  It happens to be my favorite WS play.  And really, not women's domain?  The Knot?  Probably more than 90% female...  Talking about weddings...  The events that mostly women dream of...  Yup, that's being sexist.

There is an element of truth to most stereotypes. That doesn't mean that stereotypes should be used.

I do not consider myself as "dreaming of" my wedding anymore than FI does, in that we're both excited to be married to each other. He has about an equal number of planning responsibilities. I am the only one of us on the Knot, but just because we express our excitement about our wedding in different ways doesn't mean I've made our wedding "the woman's domain." I'm also mostly on the forums because I like talking to these people.

Not saying it's only a woman's domain, but let's be real, almost all of the participants here are women.  When I ask FH about anything, he looks at me and says, "you do realize who you're talking to, right?  I don't care.  As long as I'm marrying you, I don't care; I trust you and know that it's all going to be good."  And then I kiss him.  Good answer.

luckysnorkel

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

Why, yes, I have read The Taming of the Shrew.  It happens to be my favorite WS play.  And really, not women's domain?  The Knot?  Probably more than 90% female...  Talking about weddings...  The events that mostly women dream of...  Yup, that's being sexist.

There is an element of truth to most stereotypes. That doesn't mean that stereotypes should be used.

I do not consider myself as "dreaming of" my wedding anymore than FI does, in that we're both excited to be married to each other. He has about an equal number of planning responsibilities. I am the only one of us on the Knot, but just because we express our excitement about our wedding in different ways doesn't mean I've made our wedding "the woman's domain." I'm also mostly on the forums because I like talking to these people.

Not saying it's only a woman's domain, but let's be real, almost all of the participants here are women.  When I ask FH about anything, he looks at me and says, "you do realize who you're talking to, right?  I don't care.  As long as I'm marrying you, I don't care; I trust you and know that it's all going to be good."  And then I kiss him.  Good answer.

It's great that such a dynamic works for you, but that's not the case for all of us here, so it's a little presumptuous to say that wedding planning is the woman's domain.  My FI has done at least half of the planning.  Hell, he's the one who nailed down the aesthetic details, the real "girly" part of wedding planning.

He's not on the forums because he's not really a message board kind of guy, but I assure you, he reads just as many wedding blogs as I do.

Ndelible

luckysnorkel said:

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

Why, yes, I have read The Taming of the Shrew.  It happens to be my favorite WS play.  And really, not women's domain?  The Knot?  Probably more than 90% female...  Talking about weddings...  The events that mostly women dream of...  Yup, that's being sexist.

There is an element of truth to most stereotypes. That doesn't mean that stereotypes should be used.

I do not consider myself as "dreaming of" my wedding anymore than FI does, in that we're both excited to be married to each other. He has about an equal number of planning responsibilities. I am the only one of us on the Knot, but just because we express our excitement about our wedding in different ways doesn't mean I've made our wedding "the woman's domain." I'm also mostly on the forums because I like talking to these people.

Not saying it's only a woman's domain, but let's be real, almost all of the participants here are women.  When I ask FH about anything, he looks at me and says, "you do realize who you're talking to, right?  I don't care.  As long as I'm marrying you, I don't care; I trust you and know that it's all going to be good."  And then I kiss him.  Good answer.

It's great that such a dynamic works for you, but that's not the case for all of us here, so it's a little presumptuous to say that wedding planning is the woman's domain.  My FI has done at least half of the planning.  Hell, he's the one who nailed down the aesthetic details, the real "girly" part of wedding planning.

He's not on the forums because he's not really a message board kind of guy, but I assure you, he reads just as many wedding blogs as I do.

Two separate things - TK and how we do it.  I think men who are into planning their weddings are awesome.  After all, it is the couple's event(s).  However, on TK, it's 95% women.  At least.

AddieCake

Sigh. It's not like bullying. Saying that the way people respond here is like bullying is such an insult to REAL bullying, to those who have TRULY been bullied. I give up with you. Have a great weekend, and good luck with all your wedding plans!

artbyallie

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

flantastic said:

Ndelible said:

artbyallie said:

Can I just request please, that you stop using the word 'shrewish?' It's such an anti-woman thing to say, quite as bad as suggesting one is on their period. People never describe a man that way. If you're going to insult people, you could at least be more feminist about it.

 

I understand what you are saying on this.  However, in this case, shrewish is exactly the word I wanted to use.  Shakespeare's Katherina was exactly who came to mind when I wrote it.  Normally, I would agree with you on using words to only describe women but not men.  But only when it is a situation where any sex can be described.  IMO, this is not the case here, as 95% of the posters are indeed female and discussing items that tend to be womens' domain. 

 

I could have said other words, but really shrew works.  And, for the record, I have thought of men as shrewish before too.

Have you read The Taming of the Shrew? I'm not seeing the connection, even if I thought we were being unreasonable.

Also, "women's domain" doesn't really help your case.

I adore Shakespeare. That still doesn't make 'shrew' an okay thing to call someone.

I have seen so many names and slurs on these boards, I actually think shrew is kind of tame.  How about saying someone is a horrible person or terrible host; rude; spoiled; bratty; bitchy?  Just to name a few.  I'd rather call someone out on their behavior than say they are bad people or stupid or worse.

I have only ever seen those words used to call out behavior, with the exception of 'bitch' when newbies get upset and special-snowflake-y. I have certainly never seen any reg call anyone stupid, though some may have deserved it. And I'm starting to think you don't even know what shrew means.

novella1186

I was part of a bridal party and got stuck at a head table without my SO. He didn't know a single person at the wedding, and we both felt super bored and awkward. Neither of us had a very good time. I think it's tacky and rude to separate couples like that, and it's weird that you think you're royalty to the extent that you must sit apart from the peasants (as one of the other PPs said). At our wedding, we're doing "captain style" seating with just a few really long tables. My FI and I are going to sit right in the middle of everything, so we can be with the people who have traveled there just to see us, who we want to spend time with. The WP will sit with their SOs, probably at our same table since each one will be lone enough to seat about 30 people, but everyone will be mixed in with the other guests. No royal BS here. Just want to see my family and friends and have a good time with everyone (and allow the WP to have a good time too)

Ndelible

I do. And I've seen it on display. I'm just too darn lazy to go out and find, quote and repost them. And I don't get the same capabilities posting at work that I do on the home PC. Oh well. Can we call it a draw, as it has been alluded to that we all have on our as well as our off days?

Ndelible

AddieCake said:

Sigh. It's not like bullying. Saying that the way people respond here is like bullying is such an insult to REAL bullying, to those who have TRULY been bullied. I give up with you. Have a great weekend, and good luck with all your wedding plans!

Actually, cyber bullying is quite real (not saying that is happening here).  However, the tone and words of many responses can be quite mean, belittling and intimidating.  We all forget (me too, guilty) that we can't read inflection on a computer and sometimes what we think is straight forward and to the point is interpreted as nasty, bullying, or mean.  I say that because I have been accused of that (usually in regards to work).

Sorry that you've giving up on me.  I really am not a lost cause.

Rosebubbly

I've been really bullied in life. I think a lot of people have. I've also seen it on here. It's real. Yes bullying on TK might not be the same as high school, it's all relative to the environment it's taking place in at that time. There have been instances in here where people have ganged up on certain people and taken it too far, even if they were a special snowflake. To say it doesn't happen at all on here, no matter how trivial it is compared to real life bullying, is simply not correct.