Share your elopement (or almost) stories

soontobemrshamilton

FI and I are seriously considering elopement sue to financial reasons but we are so torn. Just wanted to hear some stories. Maybe you eloped, but regret not having the wedding. Or you almost eloped but decided on a wedding.

Let's hear your stories or a friends........

Jells2dot0

FWIW- an elopement IS a wedding. It's just a wedding that happens to not include any guests, especially because noone knows about your plans!

My DH and I eloped to Australia. So, it wasn't so much budget concerns for us. We wanted to avoid family drama and stress. However, this was a second marriage for both of us. We do not regret it at all. In fact, I wish I could have done the same the first time around.

Given our choice in destination and resorts, it was just as expensive as a traditional wedding. However, it was so laid back, no stress, and very little planning had to be done. One of the best parts for us was seeing the reactions of everyone when we got back. Telling the parents was a little tough, but everyone was so supportive.

soontobemrshamilton

sorry for my choice of wording, but yes, I mean a wedding, that is planned, has guests, food, dancing etc. 

CMGragain

Elopement - a wedding with no guests, not previously announced or known to other people.  No reception.  Marriage announcements are mailed and phone calls made to immediate family.

Private wedding - a small, immediate family only wedding.  This is pre-planned, and there is a small celebration afterwards with family members.

Traditional wedding - a wedding with guests outside the immediate family.

jenna8984

My friend eloped a few months ago and I was really happy for her. Well now, 4 months later I got invited to a bridal shower and bachelorette party for her whre she paraded around in a "bride to be" sash. I love her, but I'm rolling my eyes hardcore at her. When you chose to elope, you chose to forgo those "traditional" events as well so just keep that in mind. For what it's worth, I'm having a dinner wedding with 23 people and I'm so excited. It's the perfect compromise between elope and huge expensive blowout.

Jells2dot0

Sigh. Whenever I see a post about eloping, I get so excited to share my story. And then I find out that the term "elope" was misused. One day I'll get to offer good advice!

CMGragain

OP, we are confused.  What exactly is it that you are seeking?

soontobemrshamilton

oh, jesus christ, please don't make a bid deal out of this! I just want to hear stories about people who were planning a "traditional" wedding and then decided to go off and have a wedding with just the groom and bride or maybe with parents or a handful of people. Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding

I'm sorry, but everyone has different views on "Weddings" when I think of a wedding or say wedding, I mean the bride and groom with family, friends, a ceremony, reception, food, flowers etc.

So, please @jells2dot0, share your story!

soontobemrshamilton

I said what I wanted, to hear stories!!! Re-read the post!

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

OP, we are confused.  What exactly is it that you are seeking?

I believe OP is torn on what to do...elope or have the "big to do."  I think she is just wanting some stories from people who eloped and may have then regretted that decision or those that wanted to elope but decided to have the "big to do" instead and their feelings on that decision.

OP it seems to me that the only reason you are considering eloping is because of finances.  While that is a fine reason to elope it probably shouldn't be your only reason.  Those that elope want to elope because they don't want the "big to do" but rather something very private with just their SO.  If you want the "big to do" then have it.  It may mean you have to wait and save or tone down what your vision of your wedding is and have something smaller and simpler but still with your family and friends.

You and your FI just need to decide what you want in your wedding and then plan from there.

CMGragain

soontobemrshamilton said:

I said what I wanted, to hear stories!!! Re-read the post!

Well, your definition of a wedding is different than most people's. 

I almost eloped when my mother and FMIL were fighting and being horrible, but I decided that I wouldn't let FMIL win that one.  I dug my heels in and went through with the small church wedding I wanted.

Most brides on the board seem to regret the white wedding dress the most when they truly elope.  This is the thing we tend to see argued about if they decide to do a vow renewal later.

Many brides elope every year.  There is no such thing as an "almost" elopement.  They cherish their wedding memories, and to say that it isn't really a wedding is very offensive.  My beloved late grandmother eloped twice, due to family disapproval.  The first time, she climbed down the drainpipe, heavily pregnant, and jumped into Grandpa's car.  They drove off to the next county and lied about her age.  (In 1924, laws weren't as strict.)  She looked on that as the most important day of her life.  The second time, after she was widowed, she told her greedy entitled children to go to hell, and drove to a picturesque church to be married to husband #2.  That marriage lasted 30 + years until his death.  Grandma and I were very close.  She never regretted either choice, and was contemptuous of my mother's elaborate plans for her own marriages, none of which lasted very long.

Maggie0829

@CMGragain - the OP said that she used the wrong choice of wording when she was talking about an elopement vs a wedding. And when she said "almost eloped" I believe she meant that the couple had decided to elope but then changed their minds and had the big shebang instead.

mrsmagicgeek

We are having a small private wedding, just me, my FI, and my daughter. We are older (I'll be 45 by then), and we just didn't want to deal with a big ceremony. We have family in 3 different countries, and we didn't want people to feel they had to come out here for us.

All told, we'll be at about $5k. We're going to a B&B in Vermont and getting married in a hot air balloon. I'm going to be wearing a simple white dress, my daughter is wearing a green bridesmaid dress, and we're having hair and makeup done. A photographer will be flying with us.

It's not really an elopement, because my parents know the date. Most people think we're doing something next year, but we're actually going to be married on August 21.

soontobemrshamilton

thank you @maggie0829......you understand everything I wrote. 

JennyColada

My parents had a very small intimate wedding (three guests, and not even my mom's parents came!). I'm having an intimate wedding (6 guests, just immediate family). But in both of our cases we planned it like that from the beginning. Our families and friends are very supportive of everything, and the only "drama" that we've had is FSIL deciding that she might not want to come to our wedding because it's "too hard" to plan it out. It's hurtful, but not really that much drama. Although my mom is supportive in reminding me that her parents didn't come to her wedding and it was still lovely (and they're still married!) and that I can run off to the courthouse and get married without anyone and it'll be ok (because the most important thing at the end of the day is that I'm marrying the man whom I love!).

tally7

Since you are torn you may want to just wait and have the wedding instead of eloping - you should be happy about your choice

lovesclimbing

foundmymagicgeek said:

We are having a small private wedding, just me, my FI, and my daughter. We are older (I'll be 45 by then), and we just didn't want to deal with a big ceremony. We have family in 3 different countries, and we didn't want people to feel they had to come out here for us. All told, we'll be at about $5k. We're going to a B&B in Vermont and getting married in a hot air balloon. I'm going to be wearing a simple white dress, my daughter is wearing a green bridesmaid dress, and we're having hair and makeup done. A photographer will be flying with us. It's not really an elopement, because my parents know the date. Most people think we're doing something next year, but we're actually going to be married on August 21.

STIB:

That is awesome!

NJVenno

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

Jells2dot0

NJVenno said:

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

I surely hope your daughter never finds out that she wasn't a part of your actual wedding... that's because you only get one wedding- the one where you were legally married!

I suggest you don't even attempt to file for a license, scrap the ceremony, and continue to plan a lovely party since everyone will be spending money, taking time off, and traveling to a non-wedding.

chasseuse

NJVenno said:

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

I don't understand why you would apply for the license if you aren't going to file it. What purpose does applying serve?

ETF: words are hard!

southernbelle0915

NJVenno said:

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

Congratulations! You're married! 

You need to come clean with your daughter and your family/friends who will be invited to your "wedding" (not actually a wedding anymore since you were already wed). If not, do you plan to lie to her and everyone else forever when they try to celebrate your anniversary? 

I would keep your plans to have the event in December and just host a party to celebrate the fact that you got married. No ceremony, no "brides"maids, etc. In your invitation wording, make SURE it's 100% clear that it's not a wedding, but a celebration of your recent marriage. 

ETA: I want to be clear that the party is fine, but the dishonesty is not.

manateehugger

chasseuse said:

NJVenno said:

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

I don't understand why you would file for the license if you aren't going to file it. What purpose does filing serve?

Yeah, this makes zero sense. Not to mention, in most states I believe they make you take an oath that verifies who you are and your eligibility for marriage (which you are not eligible, because you are already married). I have no idea if that's the case in FL, but something to consider.

And lying to your own daughter about your marriage of all things is seriously awful. I can't even comprehend that. Just have a party with everyone to celebrate your elopement. 

Liatris2010

If you apply for a license, you will be denied. Polygamy is illegal, so marriage licenses are not given to people who are already married.

The lying is really awful and uncalled for. I'll never understand how people can lie to their family and friends about such big life details. I hope everyone forgives you.

holyguacamole79

NJVenno, I hope you have $$ saved up because your 6 year old is gonna need therapy after finding out mommy and daddy lied to her like this!

PrettyGirlLost

soontobemrshamilton said:

oh, jesus christ, please don't make a bid deal out of this! I just want to hear stories about people who were planning a "traditional" wedding and then decided to go off and have a wedding with just the groom and bride or maybe with parents or a handful of people.   That's not eloping then.  Words have meaning, learn to use the correct terms.  It makes communication easier!  Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding  Oh a PPD after the fact?  There's a very long thread on E that I suggest you read.  There are tons of stories in it related to PPDs.

I'm sorry, but everyone has different views on "Weddings" when I think of a wedding or say wedding, I mean the bride and groom with family, friends, a ceremony, reception, food, flowers etc.

So, please @jells2dot0, share your story!

soontobemrshamilton

PrettyGirlLost said:

soontobemrshamilton said:

oh, jesus christ, please don't make a bid deal out of this! I just want to hear stories about people who were planning a "traditional" wedding and then decided to go off and have a wedding with just the groom and bride or maybe with parents or a handful of people.   That's not eloping then.  Words have meaning, learn to use the correct terms.  It makes communication easier!  Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding  Oh a PPD after the fact?  There's a very long thread on E that I suggest you read.  There are tons of stories in it related to PPDs.

I'm sorry, but everyone has different views on "Weddings" when I think of a wedding or say wedding, I mean the bride and groom with family, friends, a ceremony, reception, food, flowers etc.

So, please @jells2dot0, share your story!

I'm still not sure exactly what PPD stands for. but from what I've read on the boards, it's someone having a wedding after eloping or what not? That's not what I wrote, I wrote: "Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding" meaning you had planned on an elopement but decided not to and had a wedding.

Viczaesar

NJVenno said:

So my Mr and I, were planning a wedding for 08/2015 and decided it was too far away. Moved it up officially to 12.27.2014. We are having a small intimate wedding of a total of 30 ppl in Key Largo, Fl. We just went on vacation [my 1st vacation ever] this past week to Michigan. Spending some family time. Well we were shopping and saw the county clerks office of where we were at and smiled at each other and went in for Sh*ts & giggles to see if they'd marry us that day [Michigan has a 3 day waiting period] and they WOULD. He drove back to get his parents and told them there was an item at the antique shop we wanted to show them. They came and we pulled into the parking lot of the County Clerks building and told them, we wanted them to serve as witnesses to us getting married right then and there. And they were sooooo happy. So we got married on 8-1-2014. I love it. No one else knows. Not even my six yr old daughter who is helping with planning the wedding in Dec. It will be a joining ceremony "Officiated" by my sister. We will apply for the FL license but not file it. Obviously. 

FFS, why?  What the hell were you thinking?

Viczaesar

soontobemrshamilton said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

soontobemrshamilton said:

oh, jesus christ, please don't make a bid deal out of this! I just want to hear stories about people who were planning a "traditional" wedding and then decided to go off and have a wedding with just the groom and bride or maybe with parents or a handful of people.   That's not eloping then.  Words have meaning, learn to use the correct terms.  It makes communication easier!  Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding  Oh a PPD after the fact?  There's a very long thread on E that I suggest you read.  There are tons of stories in it related to PPDs.

I'm sorry, but everyone has different views on "Weddings" when I think of a wedding or say wedding, I mean the bride and groom with family, friends, a ceremony, reception, food, flowers etc.

So, please @jells2dot0, share your story!

I'm still not sure exactly what PPD stands for. but from what I've read on the boards, it's someone having a wedding after eloping or what not? That's not what I wrote, I wrote: "Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding" meaning you had planned on an elopement but decided not to and had a wedding.

PPD = Pretty Princess Day.  It refers to when people pretend to get married (ceremony and reception) when they're already married.

NYCMercedes

@soontobemrshamilton said, "I'm still not sure exactly what PPD stands for. but from what I've read on the boards, it's someone having a wedding after eloping or what not? That's not what I wrote, I wrote: "Or maybe you decided to go off and get married just the two of you and then ended up having a more "traditional" wedding" meaning you had planned on an elopement but decided not to and had a wedding." What is it you're trying to say?