Pre-wedding Parties

Kids at Bridal Shower?

We aren't having kids at our wedding, but when the host of my bridal shower sent me the list of people she's planning on inviting, she included the children of one of my cousins. 

First of all, I've never even met these kids, I don't know if there's 1, 2, or 3, or how old they are (I'm assuming up to the age of 8 maybe?).  Second of all, do kids even go to bridal showers to begin with?  I don't know if I've ever noticed kids running around at any bridal showers, unless maybe they're really close to the bride, which obviously these aren't.  Third of all, no kids are invited to the wedding, which the host knows, but my cousin may not.  

Do the rules of invite to shower = invite to wedding still apply in the case of little kids?  And what is the best way to broach the topic with the host of the bridal shower?  

Re: Kids at Bridal Shower?

  • ldukes9 said:
    We aren't having kids at our wedding, but when the host of my bridal shower sent me the list of people she's planning on inviting, she included the children of one of my cousins. 

    First of all, I've never even met these kids, I don't know if there's 1, 2, or 3, or how old they are (I'm assuming up to the age of 8 maybe?).  Second of all, do kids even go to bridal showers to begin with?  I don't know if I've ever noticed kids running around at any bridal showers, unless maybe they're really close to the bride, which obviously these aren't.  Third of all, no kids are invited to the wedding, which the host knows, but my cousin may not.  

    1) Do the rules of invite to shower = invite to wedding still apply in the case of little kids?  2) And what is the best way to broach the topic with the host of the bridal shower?  
    1) I think it does - if she's specifically inviting the children (i.e. they don't just live at the house where it's being hosted and happen to be there), I think it's a no-no.
    2) Just have an honest conversation with her - "hey, you know the kids aren't invited to the wedding, right? I'm thinking they shouldn't be invited to the shower for that reason..."

    I have seen children at one bridal shower. It was basically a co-ed, family get together where we gave the couple gifts. I was 15 at the time - and invited to the wedding. I don't remember thinking it was weird, but I was the kid so.....
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Two of the women who attended my shower brought their kids. They were a little distracting and some people definitely side eyed them. I wasn't thrilled about it.

    If kids are not invited to the wedding they shouldn't specifically be invited to the shower. Plus I think that kids should not attend a shower.
  • kla728kla728 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I always thought kids didn't come to bridal showers.  My FMIL specifically added them to the invite list we discussed.  One of them sat on my lap the entire time.  Because I am a shy person and was honestly pretty nervous, I was okay with it... but others definitely side-eyed.  Only one scare with her attempting to open a gift when I was saying goodbye to a friend who had to leave early, and it was no big deal.

    I would not change your stance on your guest list RE: inviting kids to the wedding because of this.  If shower invites went out with kids names, or if the host discussed this with the guest in question already, I think this ship has sailed.  If the cousin RSVPs to the wedding with the kids, even though they won't be indicated on the invite, you'll just have to follow up with her.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I find it annoying when kids are at showers unless it's a coed family type thing. They get bored, want to "help" open gifts, and are just generally in the way.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    southernbelle0915Maggie0829
  • I attended a shower as a kid, I was also the flower girl so that probably had something to do with it.  I just remember a bunch of people I didn't know sitting in a circle while she opened gifts.  I sat right next to her.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
  • Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
    There was a thread on another page about hiring babysitters for receptions and it said the going rate these days is $20-30 an hour for a sitter (not a reception sitter, a sitter in general).  So, yeah at those prices for many people it's not a matter of "thinking" you can't afford it, it's a matter of literally not being able to afford it.  Plus, I personally have an issue with paying a teenager more to watch one kid than I was paid to care for 30 kids and I have a degree.  
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  • When my then FI's sister tried to bring her kids to my shower, the hostess of my shower called me and asked if she could hold her ground about saying no.  She didn't want to cause hurt feelings.  I told her yes, hold that ground!  It was a fun invite list--my girlfriends mostly, there was going to be lots of champagne and punch, and things like some lacy lingerie gifts.  We all enjoyed it being kid-free.  I certainly wouldn't want the help of a child opening lingerie.  Or for the gift giver to have to jump up before it's opened and rescue the package from a kid.  Or to explain the gift.  
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
    There was a thread on another page about hiring babysitters for receptions and it said the going rate these days is $20-30 an hour for a sitter (not a reception sitter, a sitter in general).  So, yeah at those prices for many people it's not a matter of "thinking" you can't afford it, it's a matter of literally not being able to afford it.  Plus, I personally have an issue with paying a teenager more to watch one kid than I was paid to care for 30 kids and I have a degree.  
    If you wish to attend an event where your kids are not invited, you (generic) have two options:
    1) Find an affordable babysitter
    2) Decline the invitation

    But bringing your kids is not one of those options.  If you can't find a babysitter you trust and can afford, then you must decline the invitation.
    tammym1001atlastmrsg
  • Jen4948 said:
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
    There was a thread on another page about hiring babysitters for receptions and it said the going rate these days is $20-30 an hour for a sitter (not a reception sitter, a sitter in general).  So, yeah at those prices for many people it's not a matter of "thinking" you can't afford it, it's a matter of literally not being able to afford it.  Plus, I personally have an issue with paying a teenager more to watch one kid than I was paid to care for 30 kids and I have a degree.  
    If you wish to attend an event where your kids are not invited, you (generic) have two options:
    1) Find an affordable babysitter
    2) Decline the invitation

    But bringing your kids is not one of those options.  If you can't find a babysitter you trust and can afford, then you must decline the invitation.
    I know you pointed out the generic you.  I was really commenting on the phrase "think they can't afford" because to me it sounded like it was being implied people really could afford a sitter and were just assuming they couldn't but the reality is they may not be able to afford one.  For me I would not pay for a sitter to attend a shower.  I would leave my son with my husband or not go to the shower.  I don't like showers so I'm not going to pay a sitter so I can attend something I don't like.  
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    [Deleted User]
  • kebebbkebebb member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm in the minority. My older daughter (7) will be attending my bridal shower. My MOH's kids will likely be attending as well. I'm one of those people mentioned above who is fused to their children. As long as the kids are well-behaved and have something to keep them occupied, I see no issue. Different strokes for different folks.

    I do agree, though, that if there are no children invited to the wedding then no children should be invited to the shower.
    mrsmagicgeek
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
    There was a thread on another page about hiring babysitters for receptions and it said the going rate these days is $20-30 an hour for a sitter (not a reception sitter, a sitter in general).  So, yeah at those prices for many people it's not a matter of "thinking" you can't afford it, it's a matter of literally not being able to afford it.  Plus, I personally have an issue with paying a teenager more to watch one kid than I was paid to care for 30 kids and I have a degree.  
    If you wish to attend an event where your kids are not invited, you (generic) have two options:
    1) Find an affordable babysitter
    2) Decline the invitation

    But bringing your kids is not one of those options.  If you can't find a babysitter you trust and can afford, then you must decline the invitation.
    I know you pointed out the generic you.  I was really commenting on the phrase "think they can't afford" because to me it sounded like it was being implied people really could afford a sitter and were just assuming they couldn't but the reality is they may not be able to afford one.  For me I would not pay for a sitter to attend a shower.  I would leave my son with my husband or not go to the shower.  I don't like showers so I'm not going to pay a sitter so I can attend something I don't like.  

    Stuck in box...

    I'm not a big shower fan either but I will attend them for close friends and family.

    That said, if you're (again generic throughout) not willing to hire a babysitter, and can't leave your kids with your children's father, your only other option is to decline the invitation.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    mysticl said:
    Jen4948 said:
    scribe95 said:
    I have a friend who brings her two daughters EVERYWHERE including two showers in which there were no other children and it was very awkward. I just don't get it.

    Stuck in box...

    It happens for three reasons:
    1) People think they can't afford a babysitter
    2) People are so paranoid about what might happen to their children if they aren't always with them that they won't leave them alone
    3) People are so fused to their children that it takes up 75% or more of their personal identity.  These are the people who post ultrasounds in their Facebook profiles, use "soandsosmom" as screen handles, and are always emailing photos of their kids or posting them on social media with a full update of what's going on with their kids at every nanosecond.  They absolutely cannot conceive of their children not being with them at all times outside of school or work, even when the children were not invited or the activity is clearly an "adult" one.
    There was a thread on another page about hiring babysitters for receptions and it said the going rate these days is $20-30 an hour for a sitter (not a reception sitter, a sitter in general).  So, yeah at those prices for many people it's not a matter of "thinking" you can't afford it, it's a matter of literally not being able to afford it.  Plus, I personally have an issue with paying a teenager more to watch one kid than I was paid to care for 30 kids and I have a degree.  
    If you wish to attend an event where your kids are not invited, you (generic) have two options:
    1) Find an affordable babysitter
    2) Decline the invitation

    But bringing your kids is not one of those options.  If you can't find a babysitter you trust and can afford, then you must decline the invitation.
    I know you pointed out the generic you.  I was really commenting on the phrase "think they can't afford" because to me it sounded like it was being implied people really could afford a sitter and were just assuming they couldn't but the reality is they may not be able to afford one.  For me I would not pay for a sitter to attend a shower.  I would leave my son with my husband or not go to the shower.  I don't like showers so I'm not going to pay a sitter so I can attend something I don't like.  

    Stuck in box...

    Not disputing about whether or not guests can afford to hire babysitters for their kids.  But if they're not included in the invitation and you're (generic throughout) not willing or able to find someone to look after your kids, whether that's their father or whomever, then your only other option is to not attend.  The problem is that too many parents don't realize or accept that so they take the kids where the kids weren't invited-including, sadly, to some things that are really inappropriate for them.
  • At my sister's bridal shower, the 4 year old flower girl, who was otherwise very well behaved, just had to hang-out close to the bride, while she was opening every present. She blocked the view of the guests and was in almost every gift opening photo. My mother wanted to say something to her mother, but knew she would be defensive. We were glad they left early, to go to a birthday party. Now what 4 year old is interested in a toaster or can opener?

    My cousin had an adult only shower. There were some lingerie gifts, with resulting adult comments, so it wouldn't have been suitable. The only children at mine were my 9 year old flower girl and 12 year old junior bridesmaid. It was held in the living room of a mansion/venue, filled with antiques, so not suitable for children. Both my sister and I had adult weddings, except for the bridal party.

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