Am I a bridezilla?

jakeiaf

I recently (yesterday) commented on a post telling a bride that she shouldn't be upset about wanting all her bridesmaids to get their make up done by the same person (which I still stand by). I have gave my bridesmaids A LOT of freedom. I allowed them to pick their own dress, they are getting shoes customized by a good friend of mine, they all have freedom to wear their hair how they want etc. etc.(much like the girl who made the post) Now I am impractical for feeling that as much freedom as I've given, if I asked everyone to get their makeup done by the same person would I be asking to much? I didn't think I was giving bad advice, but according to everyone else by advice was terrible and that was the quickest way to lose friends. If I started telling my bridesmaids they had to wear their hair in up do's and ugly dresses I would understand. But if I let everyone have all that freedom and I asked one thing how is that bridezillaish? What makes a bridezilla? Because i don't want to be one and apparently I'm on the road to bridezilla town. 

Kauris

If you require your BM to get hair and make up done, you should pay for it. If you require specific shoes, you should pay for them. If you require specific jewelry, you should pay for it. None of these things should be considered their gift. My BM are getting their makeup done, but it's totally optional, as is hair. I offered to book them an appointment with my MUA, but it is not required. They are wearing shoes they already own. They are styling their hair in a way that they chose. They are picking their own jewelry or using jewelry they already own. These are differences between being a demanding bride and being a relaxed bride.

manateehugger

jakeia0112 said:

I recently (yesterday) commented on a post telling a bride that she shouldn't be upset about wanting all her bridesmaids to get their make up done by the same person (which I still stand by). I have gave my bridesmaids A LOT of freedom. I allowed them to pick their own dress, they are getting shoes customized by a good friend of mine, they all have freedom to wear their hair how they want etc. etc.(much like the girl who made the post) Now I am impractical for feeling that as much freedom as I've given, if I asked everyone to get their makeup done by the same person would I be asking to much? I didn't think I was giving bad advice, but according to everyone else by advice was terrible and that was the quickest way to lose friends. If I started telling my bridesmaids they had to wear their hair in up do's and ugly dresses I would understand. But if I let everyone have all that freedom and I asked one thing how is that bridezillaish? What makes a bridezilla? Because i don't want to be one and apparently I'm on the road to bridezilla town. 

Yes, I think it's still bridezillaish to dictate makeup artists. Because, seriously, why does it matter??? Even moreso if you aren't ponying up the cash. Why do you need to control what someone's face looks like?

Who cares what the bridesmaids' faces look like? I've never once gone to a wedding to take specific note of the bridesmaids' makeup. Dresses, yes. Makeup, nope. Unless someone has face paint or raccoon eyes, I'm not going to notice. It's so so trivial. 

It's great you let them have a lot of freedom, but it's not a scale. One controlling action doesn't get cancelled out by freedom in other areas - it's still a controlling action. 

jakeiaf

kasmith1 said:

If you require your BM to get hair and make up done, you should pay for it. If you require specific shoes, you should pay for them. If you require specific jewelry, you should pay for it. None of these things should be considered their gift. My BM are getting their makeup done, but it's totally optional, as is hair. I offered to book them an appointment with my MUA, but it is not required. They are wearing shoes they already own. They are styling their hair in a way that they chose. They are picking their own jewelry or using jewelry they already own. These are differences between being a demanding bride and being a relaxed bride.

My bridesmaids are actually great and amazingly simple. They want to make life easier by me being that demanding bride. I don't want to be that. I am buying their jewelry for them as a gift, but I'm allowing them to pick it out for themselves before I purchase it. They all want to get their makeup done by the same girl because she's amazing. The shoes they are getting customized they voted on and everyone wanted them from the beginning. They aren't required (did I mention they are really cute) and when I say customized I mean essentially decorated. I am not requiring anything. I just want everyone to look nice. (they want me to require these things)

jakeiaf

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

lyndausvi

Some people are picky about what goes on their face.  Some people also have skin sensitivities.    Some people might not want to spend the cash on something that only lasts a few hours.

I didn't even have a MUA for my own wedding (my SIL did it for me), why would I be happy being forced into getting on for someone's wedding?

manateehugger

jakeia0112 said:

kasmith1 said:

If you require your BM to get hair and make up done, you should pay for it. If you require specific shoes, you should pay for them. If you require specific jewelry, you should pay for it. None of these things should be considered their gift. My BM are getting their makeup done, but it's totally optional, as is hair. I offered to book them an appointment with my MUA, but it is not required. They are wearing shoes they already own. They are styling their hair in a way that they chose. They are picking their own jewelry or using jewelry they already own. These are differences between being a demanding bride and being a relaxed bride.

My bridesmaids are actually great and amazingly simple. They want to make life easier by me being that demanding bride. I don't want to be that. I am buying their jewelry for them as a gift, but I'm allowing them to pick it out for themselves before I purchase it. They all want to get their makeup done by the same girl because she's amazing. The shoes they are getting customized they voted on and everyone wanted them from the beginning. They aren't required (did I mention they are really cute) and when I say customized I mean essentially decorated. I am not requiring anything. I just want everyone to look nice. (they want me to require these things)

Ok, hold on. 

Saying, "You need to get your makeup done by this person," (what you said in your original post) is not remotely the same as saying, "Hey, this person does a great job and I've booked her to do my makeup. Her fees are $X amount. Let me know if you want me to book you a timeslot with her."

I had a makeup and hair team on site with us the morning of our wedding and did the latter. 4 girls took me up on the offer and 2 girls did their own. It totally didn't matter. 

If you require it, it's crazy ridiculous bridezilla and you need to pay for it (though I still think it's bridezilla if it doesn't cost the ladies anything). If you make the offer and don't care what they decide, that's fine. 

beachyone15

jakeia0112 said:

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

See, I would rather be forced to use your MUA (and do any look I want) than be told I could use any MUA but still have to have a certain "look". What does that mean exactly? Natural look? Glowing? Dramatic? It's highly likely that not all of your BMs will want the same look.

daria24

Why the hell does it matter what their makeup looks like? I mean unless they customarily walk around in blackface, I doubt 1 out of every 1000 people can tell you the difference between one woman's style of makeup and another. 

I often do chose to use a MUA if I'm in the wedding party, but I want the makeup to fit my style. I do not do smokey eyes. I look ridiculous. I do not wear bold colors. If you wanted some 50s pinup look I would laugh in your face, I am not doing that. My face, I choose what it looks like. 

lyndausvi

jakeia0112 said:

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

***SITB ****

Wooa.    Letting your nearest and dearest to be able to choose their own makeup style doesn't mean you are losing control of your wedding.  You are seriously treading on their Bridezilla territory right now.  

Dress? fine. Shoes? borderline .  Hair and makeup styles?  Yes I think you are crossing the line.

You have 100% control of yourself.  You have 100% of your venue, menu, dress, decor, flowers.  You might even have a lot of control over your FI's attire.  But you need to back off when it comes to hair and makeup styles in my opinion.     

beachyone15

Just try to look at this as any other social event. Let your BMs be themselves; don't make them clones.

JCbride2015

PDKH said:

jakeia0112 said:

kasmith1 said:

If you require your BM to get hair and make up done, you should pay for it. If you require specific shoes, you should pay for them. If you require specific jewelry, you should pay for it. None of these things should be considered their gift. My BM are getting their makeup done, but it's totally optional, as is hair. I offered to book them an appointment with my MUA, but it is not required. They are wearing shoes they already own. They are styling their hair in a way that they chose. They are picking their own jewelry or using jewelry they already own. These are differences between being a demanding bride and being a relaxed bride.

My bridesmaids are actually great and amazingly simple. They want to make life easier by me being that demanding bride. I don't want to be that. I am buying their jewelry for them as a gift, but I'm allowing them to pick it out for themselves before I purchase it. They all want to get their makeup done by the same girl because she's amazing. The shoes they are getting customized they voted on and everyone wanted them from the beginning. They aren't required (did I mention they are really cute) and when I say customized I mean essentially decorated. I am not requiring anything. I just want everyone to look nice. (they want me to require these things)

Ok, hold on. 

Saying, "You need to get your makeup done by this person," (what you said in your original post) is not remotely the same as saying, "Hey, this person does a great job and I've booked her to do my makeup. Her fees are $X amount. Let me know if you want me to book you a timeslot with her."

I had a makeup and hair team on site with us the morning of our wedding and did the latter. 4 girls took me up on the offer and 2 girls did their own. It totally didn't matter. 

If you require it, it's crazy ridiculous bridezilla and you need to pay for it (though I still think it's bridezilla if it doesn't cost the ladies anything). If you make the offer and don't care what they decide, that's fine. 

@PDHK is a wise one.

There's nothing wrong with offering your MUA to your BMs.  I'm planning to do the same thing: "Hey, here's who I'm using and how much it costs, let me know if you want an appointment."

There is something wrong with requiring them to have professional makeup in the first place, and then there's something extra wrong with requiring that professional makeup to be done by a particular MUA.  If you want to require professional makeup or hair, you must pay for that.

FYI, professional hair/makeup, and jewelry to wear on the day of the wedding, can't count as their thank-you gift.  Those are part of a uniform if you require it.

No, you definitely don't sound like the worst bridezillas I've seen around here.  But if you're trying to dictate your BMs' faces, you are indeed on the way to bridezilla town.  Try to back off and remember you have control over many parts of your weddings, but really your BMs' faces are not yours to control.

JasperandOpal

I think its key to distinguish requiring and offering. I am not sure which one you are doing. Offering a MUA and all the girls opting in- ok. Requiring a MUA do work and not giving girls the ability to opt out- less ok. If you are going to do it, you definitely should be paying for it. 

I would also like to point something out about how make-up works. My SIL wanted all of us to have the same makeup style. Cats-eyes, red lips. Most of the BMs were tan and blonde. They looked glamorous and sort of retro. I am pale and had dark almost purpley red hair at the time. I looked almost gothic-esque and washed out. Same style of make up but completely different look. So if uniformity is important, which I don't think it should be, keep that in mind.

kat1114

jakeia0112 said:

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

I don't understand the bolded. If you want them to achieve a specific look, aren't you then controlling their face by forcing them to conform to that look?

I feel like my bridesmaids are all beautiful women everyday. Why do they suddenly need me to dictate their hair and make up for them, when they manage to do so on their own every other day of their lives?

artbyallie

kat1114 said:

jakeia0112 said:

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

I don't understand the bolded. If you want them to achieve a specific look, aren't you then controlling their face by forcing them to conform to that look?

I feel like my bridesmaids are all beautiful women everyday. Why do they suddenly need me to dictate their hair and make up for them, when they manage to do so on their own every other day of their lives?

This is exactly what I was about to say. Expecting 'a certain look' absolutely is 'controlling their face.' And how on earth do you 'lose control of your wedding' by allowing your loved ones to do their make-up (and hair, if applicable, I realize you are not requiring a style for that) in whatever way makes them feel comfortable and beautiful?

I think you need to take a step back and have a hard look at why you feel this way.

jakeiaf

I think there is some confusion. I'm not forcing my bridesmaids to do anything. I was asking about a post someone else made. The other girl wanted everyone to have their makeup done. All my bridesmaids WANT their makeup done by the same person. All my bridesmaids want makeup, love makeup and live by makeup. I don't care about makeup. My bridesmaids want everything I listed and asked could they get it. I was just posing a question about someone else's post. I get what everyone's saying I shouldn't require anybody to do anything without paying. That's fine. But I'm also not about to allow anyone to come in looking like they rolled out of bed. If I envisioned a certain look that's just what I want. I'm not saying people have to drop thousands of dollars. Thanks for the advice.  

holyguacamole79

According to your first post, you said you wanted your bridal party to have their makeup done by a specific MUA.... But now you say that they asked for their makeup to be done by a specific MUA. I'm confused.

lyndausvi

jakeia0112 said:

I think there is some confusion. I'm not forcing my bridesmaids to do anything. I was asking about a post someone else made. The other girl wanted everyone to have their makeup done. All my bridesmaids WANT their makeup done by the same person. All my bridesmaids want makeup, love makeup and live by makeup. I don't care about makeup. My bridesmaids want everything I listed and asked could they get it. I was just posing a question about someone else's post. I get what everyone's saying I shouldn't require anybody to do anything without paying. That's fine. But I'm also not about to allow anyone to come in looking like they rolled out of bed. If I envisioned a certain look that's just what I want. I'm not saying people have to drop thousands of dollars. Thanks for the advice.  

*** SITB ***

Be honest, do you have any BMs who would look like they just rolled out of bed?   It's doubtful. If you do and you are worried why even have them as a BM?

If they all want to use the MUA, great.   But I would still draw the line at making them get a certain "look".   I may or may not use a MUA.  I will never let another bride dictate how my makeup should look.  Did that once, it was not pretty. Plus I was so self-conscious you could tell in the photos how uncomfortable I was with the makeup. 

jakeiaf

sarahbear31 said:

According to your first post, you said you wanted your bridal party to have their makeup done by a specific MUA.... But now you say that they asked for their makeup to be done by a specific MUA. I'm confused.

Actually I posed a hypothetical question. I've mentioned multiple times that ALL my bridesmaids want to use ONE MUA because they love her work. I also stated that I required NOTHING. I was asking because of a question that was posed yesterday. I hope I cleared your confusion. 

holyguacamole79

jakeia0112 said:

sarahbear31 said:

According to your first post, you said you wanted your bridal party to have their makeup done by a specific MUA.... But now you say that they asked for their makeup to be done by a specific MUA. I'm confused.

Actually I posed a hypothetical question. I've mentioned multiple times that ALL my bridesmaids want to use ONE MUA because they love her work. I also stated that I required NOTHING. I was asking because of a question that was posed yesterday. I hope I cleared your confusion. 

Mmmmkay. To answer your question ... If you make ANY requests of your bridal party's makeup, which IMO includes "don't look like you just rolled out of bed", then yes, I think you are a bridezilla. I don't remember at all what the makeup of my bridal party looked like on my wedding day. Focus your attention on other things.

CMGragain

My daughter had a bridesmaid who wore no makeup, did her own hair, and had natural arm and leg hair.  She was the MOH.  It was more important that her friend be there beside her than that she changed her appearance to suit a preconceived vision of how someone else wanted her to look.  (The arm hair only showed in one photo.)
Now do you understand?

offensivekitten2

It amuses the hell out of me that the OP has picked such a random and trivial thing to go to war over.

Hey, pro tip: not a single person going to your wedding gives a shit if BMs have matching makeup. The only people that will check them out at length are dudes sharking to score, and they won't notice makeup either.

jenna8984

I don't understand the "specific look" either because in my eyes if it's not drag queen makeup then it's all the same. You think I (or anyone) will notice that one girl has Sand Dune eyeshadow, while another girl has Caramel Mocha eyeshadow, while another girl has Peachy Keen eyeshadow? NO. It all looks the same and I think your friends have enough common sense to not wear Electric Blue eyeshadow.

beachyone15

This is my experience. I have 4 bridesmaids (all my cousins) between ages 15 and 21. They rarely wear makeup and if they do, it's very subtle. I gave them the name of the MUA I'm using if they were interested. They said they would be doing their own makeup (which I expected). I want them to be comfortable and more than anything, look like themselves on my wedding day. Besides, they are all beautiful girls who don't even need makeup!

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

jakeia0112 said:

I don't think it's about controlling their face. I think it's about wanting a specific look. I wouldn't mind if my bridesmaids went to their favorite MUA and told her what I was going for. As long as that look is achieved, and they get it done how they want by who they want. I also know that some people don't like makeup and I would be willing to compromise that as well. I'm willing to compromise a whole lot. I just don't want to lose control over my own wedding.

To the first bolded: That's controlling someone's face.  

It is bridezilla-ish behavior in my opinion to insist how the girls do their face, no matter what angle you approach it at.  

I know it's a hypothetical situation, but if I was a bridesmaid in that scenario, being told to do something specific, like a super smokey blue cat-eye or something, I'd be kind of annoyed that I couldn't do my makeup, because I like doing my own and like it a certain way and a super smokey blue cat eye makes me look like I'm trying out for some soft-core porno.  I do see you stated you are willing to compromise though, so I am just stating how the scenario would sit with me personally.  

Also, I agree with other PPs that makeup is a small detail that is rarely noticed by guests.  I also feel like it is 0.0001% of a wedding planning concern and too much thought into it is futile.

To the second bolded: That's a non-issue.  You wouldn't lose control over your own wedding for allowing your girls to be themselves.

mrsmorales2be

Am I the only one getting whiplash from all this backpedaling?

AddieCake

Yes. It's fucking ridiculous to think everyone needs to have their hair or makeup done by one person and one person only.

Marzipan13

1) You're not losing control.
2) Don't control how people look.
3) Your BMs makeup is going to take fucking forever if you have 1 makeup artist doing all of them.

southernbelle0915

Yes - this is a bridezilla request. If someone wants their own stylist/MUA/nail tech to work on them, who cares? Really... Who. Cares.

IMO, what makes a bridezilla is the attitude that Wedding Vision > friends/guests. For example, there are brides who have an "elegant, pastel, traditional" vision for their wedding. Their MOH has tattoos and pink hair. OMG NOW WHAT?!?!?!?!? 

A bridezilla says - "MOH - you need to change your hair, cover your tattoos and use my make up artist. I need a specific look to fit my vision." 

A non-bridezilla says - "I asked you to be MOH because I love YOU - all of YOU. Please don't change and just be yourself."

The bridezilla has put a vision or a "specific look" higher up on the totem pole than her friend. That's why it's not ok and bridezilla-ish. Does that make sense?

charlottesmom0626

I told my girls that I was having a makeup artist. I gave them her website to look at, and ask that they let me know if they'd be interested. They all said "thanks, but no thanks." Which is exactly what I would have done, and what I expected.
I was in a wedding last summer and probably spent 1,500 as a BM. I don't want to do that to my girls. I'm making the information available to them for hair, makeup, and nails. They can wear whatever dress and shoes they want. I want them to be there for me because they're all important as individuals. Just because they don't have the same shade of lip gloss doesn't matter to me.

Ndelible

Haven't given one thought to anyone's makeup but my own. In our party, there is one who wears none, another who wears just a bit and a glamour queen. Come as you are.