Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWYD - cousin's wedding - gaps - poor planning on their part

TeddiD34TeddiD34 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I'm not close with this cousin at all, but our parents are very close, so me not going is not an option.

The ceremony (due to rain) was just moved to the same location as the reception. It is right downtown in my city, at the same time as a big festival which equals ZERO parking anywhere downtown for the entire weekend.

If we went to both ceremony and reception, that would mean 4 X $20 cab rides (since there's a lovely big 3 hour gap in between).

SO, how would you ladies handle this fiasco?

(TIA!!)

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Re: WWYD - cousin's wedding - gaps - poor planning on their part

  • Maybe hang out at the festival? Who knows, maybe everyone will have so much fun there, they will forget to go to the reception.
    Happiness is an inside job
    novella1186
  • Can you (or your parents) ask the couple about parking for the wedding? I would assume they don't have anything worked out, but by asking you're at least pointing it out which maybe they didn't realize. 

    I would probably end up staying downtown for the whole thing, although would be very unhappy about it, and then leave the reception immediately after the dinner because I'd probably already be pretty drunk by then because I'd have been drinking during the gap, and would just want to go home and go to bed!
    chibiyuinovella1186
  • Personally, I would skip the ceremony and go to the reception. You're not close to them and they have a 3 hour gap. I never feel bad about choosing one or the other (ceremony or reception) when there's a huge gap - if they don't care enough to host me properly, I will do what's convenient. 

    If you're trying to play good-guy family politics, I would either suck it up and pay for the cab or hang out at the festival until the reception starts. Maybe be a tourist in your own town and go to a museum or gallery you've been meaning to try out. 
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    indianaalumPrettyGirlLostmelbelleupnovella1186
  • This is a tough situation. I would probably just go and then, like PPs, have suggested check out the festival before the reception. Then again, I love festivals, so there is that.

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  • Thanks for the advice. It's cool if I only go to reception.

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  • I'd just go to the reception as well.
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  • I would just go to the reception. How weird is it to got to a ceremony. Leave and the return to the same place 3 hours later for the party. Using the Catholic Church as an excuse is bad enough, but a little more understandable then having a gap for the sake of having a gap.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    ashleyepPrettyGirlLost
  • So i'm going to assume that because this change is due to ain, it was a last minute change. And i'm also going to assume that the original reason for the gap was that the original ceremony location had a time restriction and the bride still wanted to have a night reception. Is that accurate? Or does the gap exist just so that they can take pictures? If this was a last minute change, and they had to tell people the new locatoin anyway, why couldn't they also change the cermeony time so that they would be back to back, which should be fine since they're at the same place? I would definitely only go to one part of this if the location was convenient. If i had to travel to get there, i'd save my money and stay home.
  • I'd skip the ceremony too. 
  •    I probably just wouldn't go, but I come from a family that doesn't treat wedding invitations as summons. If  you don't attend for ANY reason, or no reason at all no one gets all bent out of shape. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I'd skip the ceremony. Gaps are so damn rude, I mean what do they expect you to do for 3 hours?
  • scribe95 said:
    If I was not close to the cousin I would not be attending so problem solved. Stop saying it isn't an option. You are an adult. You control your life. Make the choice to go and stop bitching or decline.
    ^This.

    I'd decline.  If your parents are close to this couple, then they can go.  If they get upset that you are not going, oh well.  You're an adult, you don't have to have their approval on everything.  If they bring up the wedding, just say unfortunately you can't make it, but you hope they have fun.  Then change the subject or walk away.

    Or, if you don't want to go that route, I'd attend the ceremony OR the reception, but not both.  3 hour gap in the midst of a huge city festival?  No thanks.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • How do they already know it's going to rain?! Is this like next week or something?
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  • If the couple originally had a 3-hour gap when the ceremony was at a different venue, and she's STILL having a 3-hour gap after moving the ceremony and reception to the same place, then it must be a gap by choice (probably for pictures). Also, with no mention of a Catholic church, I don't think this was originally a Catholic wedding because such a wedding would take place inside a church, unaffected by rain. 

    As far as killing time during the gap, I'd pass. If it's going to rain, why would I want to hit up a festival in my dress clothes?! I would decline this wedding with a VERY good reason (logistically, it's a gigantic inconvenience for you to attend).
    PrettyGirlLostnancieraven
  • Fairyjen1 said:
       I probably just wouldn't go, but I come from a family that doesn't treat wedding invitations as summons. If  you don't attend for ANY reason, or no reason at all no one gets all bent out of shape. 
    Ditto. I've missed 3 cousins' weddings because I just didn't have the money/time to go. I was either in college or grad school for all three. No one cared. My cousins understood, and my parents were glad I made a responsible decision. 

    I say go to the festival cuz that sounds more fun anyway :P 
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  • Invite people to relax at your place in between and split the cab?
  • I'd just stay home and eat ice cream and watch something like a Walking Dead marathon, or Game of Thrones. I'd send a nice card.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I would wear comfy shoes (bring some in a bag) and go hit the festival to kill time. Festivals are great for people watching and getting some walking in.
  • Erikan73 said:
    I would wear comfy shoes (bring some in a bag) and go hit the festival to kill time. Festivals are great for people watching and getting some walking in.
    In the rain?   The whole reason for the change in venue was due to the rain.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • TK won't let me edit my prior comment, this would also be a great time to reach out to other relatives you haven't seen in a while and say "hey want to come to the festival with us & maybe get a drink & catch up" Then when you get to the reception you've caught up with those people & you can just eat, drink & dance, or catch up with relatives that didn't join you at the festival.
  • lyndausvi said:
    Erikan73 said:
    I would wear comfy shoes (bring some in a bag) and go hit the festival to kill time. Festivals are great for people watching and getting some walking in.
    In the rain?   The whole reason for the change in venue was due to the rain.
    Yeah, I hate getting wet normally and I DETEST getting wet in nice clothing and hair.

    Lugging around an umbrella big enough to keep you from getting wet is a PIA. . .I'm not going to be doing that, in heels, for 3 hours.  I'm either going to go to your ceremony or decline all together.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Don't go. I have no idea how distant cousin = mandatory attendance. Worst case scenario, you broke your hair or somesuch, so sorry you can't go.



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    annathy03PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • Don't go. I have no idea how distant cousin = mandatory attendance. Worst case scenario, you broke your hair or somesuch, so sorry you can't go.
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    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesoffensivekitten2
  • Either skip one of the portions or hang out downtown between them. I'm going to a wedding for a family member in a few weeks that has a 3-hour gap for photos. I'm in the wedding party, so skipping one isn't an option and I'm going along with them for the photo shoot during the gap. But, my husband will be stuck at the venue alone with my family... and anyone he has already met will be at the photo shoot. So, we opted to get a hotel room there. That way he has a retreat during those few hours to relax, nap, watch tv, or whatever, if he would rather not hang out and get to know my family. Plus, it means we don't need to drive after the reception and can easily ditch and go to our room if things get too painful at the reception.

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