Do we really need Pre-wed counseling?

Barklarich

Before we got engaged, we dated for 8 1/2 years. We have never lived with each other. We have talked a lot about different things, like our faith, & beliefs. About money, what our roles would be, how we would make decisions, what's important to us in a marriage. Also over the years we have gotten into fights, arguments, silent-treatments, and we have pulled through. He has taught me to communicate with him better and he has learned that sometimes I need time to sort things out myself and calm down before I do communicate with him. We've talked about how we will have "our" lives but we still need our own lives as individuals. We've talked about kids & family and how we deal with the in-laws. We've talked about sex.... quite often. What our goals are, what we would want to do with each other, and we talk about plains for careers and how he wants to do stuff like to go back to school and get his masters soon. We're both flexible, easy going and, as he puts it, "we roll hard and with the punches."

But.......

Everyone that I talk to says "go to pre-wed counseling." I get the "I wish we did it." and the "you'll be glad you did." I have been with this man for 8 1/2 years. The main reason why I'm going to marry him is because I trust him, he has seen my naked soul, he has supported me and I will do anything for him. I feel like I don't have to hide anything from him, or put on an act. He has proven this to me in the last 8 1/2 years. 

Do we really have to go to counseling? Is it still necessary for us? What is it that we're missing? If we've already talked about everything stated above, then what will the preacher discuss with us? Fi says that even if he doesn't get permission from a preacher, he will find a way to marry me. 

nancieraven

My FI and I are going through it right now, and I would recommend it because it's not dating (where you learn about each other) it's really focused on how you will view and deal with each other as a new entity ("married couple") and new people ("husband" and "wife") rather than a couple in love and as individuals.  We aren't spending a ton of time on compatibility assessment, per se, but more of vision and purpose of our relationship beyond what we get out of it for ourselves.

Yes, we go through the logistics of marriage stuff (kids, communication styles, habits, etc.), but there's a deeper exploration that, if you aren't doing it with someone experienced (faith- or marriage-wise) you and he might not explore on your own.

It has been eye-opening in almost ONLY positive ways.  The sessions have be BEAUTIFUL and have been refreshing to be able to set aside time in our exquisitely busy lives to hope and dream together.

bekt14

The way I see it, if there is something you can do to make your marriage better, why not? Instead of striving for good enough or great, why not do everything available to you to make it ever better? We finished it a few months ago. It definitely wasn't what I expected it to be, but I hope we got something out of it. I would like to continue going to conferences, and retreats, and even counseling throughout our marriage. With the divorce rates as high as they are, and everyone saying marriage is one of the hardest things you will ever do, I just think it's worth while to do everything possible to make it successful and wonderful.