The Importance of Save the Dates (rant)

AlexisA01

A close friend of my FI got engaged about three weeks. Last week the newly engaged couple sent out save the dates for a wedding in December this year. Perfect! Well my FI gets online to speak to his family on Facebook Video chat and sees his friend and his new wife posting photos about their wedding that was held yesterday. He wakes me up and ask me where was the STD to make sure he didn't misread the dates or if he got them confused. I go and get the STD and it says December 13 2014. My FI is very confused and hurt on why someone would send out STD then go and ahead get married without telling the people they changed their date.

huskypuppy14

PPD?

falsara

That's very weird.  Why would you even send out save the dates if your wedding is actually only a month away?  Could it be that there is some extenuating circumstances that made them move up the wedding?  I agree your FI has every right to be hurt but maybe there's a reason and he just needs to talk to his friend to clarify?  THis makes me truly puzzled.

Maybe it might be a planned PPD

RebeccaFlower

Sounds like they're having a PPD. I would send them a congratulatory message and phrase it in the way that sounded like they're canceling the December wedding since they're already married, but I can be a douche.

AlexisA01

Oh I am wondering if they are planning one. So far people are split either with congratulations or what the hell happened. She is in a wedding gown and has what it appears to be matching bridesmaids, a fancy wedding cake, and it is a nice venue. Maybe a B List wedding for those who weren't invited to the one yesterday.

theexactlee

It doesn't sound like a PPD though, it sounds like a flat out wedding. Unless they are having two full out wedding which to me isn't a PPD that's just a D. Okay that didn't make sense but you see where I'm going with it.

falsara

This is all very concerning, since when do you get to have TWO weddings when there isn't some kind of divorce between them? Is it really that hard to just wait and have everyone come to the one in December, instead of splitting the guest list and having to pay for two different events?

AlexisA01

Knowing etiquette, I would rather have them send out an announcement saying they were having a private wedding instead of ignoring what the save the dates said.

CMGragain

The proper thing for them to do would have been to send out formal wedding announcements to all their prospective guests before publicly posting it anywhere.  Facebook postings cause lots of drama.

It might simply be that they decided to elope for personal reasons.  They can still have a celebration party, but not a wedding.

Jells2dot0

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like they eloped if their pics included BMs and other guests!

Let's hope that they had a bad circumstance that caused them to change plans and move up the wedding, thus canceling the original plans. However, even with that change, they still handled it poorly and should have sent out cancellation announcements prior to the new event or an announcement of marriage prior to posting pictures.

AddieCake

Make sure you update us when you find out what's going on!

AlexisA01

CMGragain said:

The proper thing for them to do would have been to send out formal wedding announcements to all their prospective guests before publicly posting it anywhere.  Facebook postings cause lots of drama.

It might simply be that they decided to elope for personal reasons.  They can still have a celebration party, but not a wedding.

They didn't elope. They had guest there and a full bridal party. The Fi went out to have wings with the now groom so whenever they get back he will share the news.

AlexisA01

Jells2dot0 said:

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like they eloped if their pics included BMs and other guests! Let's hope that they had a bad circumstance that caused them to change plans and move up the wedding, thus canceling the original plans. However, even with that change, they still handled it poorly and should have sent out cancellation announcements prior to the new event or an announcement of marriage prior to posting pictures.

Not to sound bad, but I would rather they had bad circumstance then just to blow everyone off. They posted as if they didn't send out STD and they do not seem guilty/ or phased that they hurt/pissed off a couple of guest. 

AlexisA01

AddieCake said:

Make sure you update us when you find out what's going on!

I promise I will. They are out at BWW having wings and beer with the guys and the other members of the wedding party. The faster they get back, the faster I can get my wings and the news.

RebeccaB88

Curious here too.

aspoonfulofsugar

Definitely interested to hear what the deal is.

AlexisA01

So I got some news. He is on his way home but he shared some tidbits.

My FI came back and he said the guys that were going to be  groomsmen were feeling very "salty" over the whole quick wedding fiasco, so they decided to meet up together before the groom showed up. They feel slighted because they saw  in the wedding photos, there are bridesmaids but no groomsmen.

 The groom came in and told the guys that the bride and him talked and they wanted to be married quickly because they were in love. Another guy asked why not wait for the agreed upon date of December 2014. The groom said that all her best friends  were at the vacation home and she didn't want to wait in-case they leave and were not available for the wedding. The bride was having a girls weekend since she just graduated from Grad school with them. So she asked him if they can get married Saturday night and he consigned on it.

The groom apologized to them and tells them he is sorry for not including them in the wedding. My FI was heated and was asking why not call them up for the impromptu wedding and figure things out logically. The groom mentions that the bride didn't even get a fitted wedding dress because it was very large for buying one spur of the moment and how all these small details when wrong. My FI asked why not send out a quick message explaining how the wedding will not take place instead of lying and hiding it from people until the Bride's family members posted on family. 

Groom is trying to think of a best solution to please everyone. His family suggested another ceremony but he doesn't want to play wedding again. He feels slighted that his groomsmen were not in attendance. According to what my FI said, there are a abundance of hurt feelings on his side of the family. The grooms immediately family was in attendance but not the rest of the family that they were planning on inviting.

My FI said he knows it is wrong but the other groomsmen feel some type of way towards the bride because she gave no regards towards the groom. All of them are just "eh" towards their friendship with the new couple in general.

I will update you all with more. I have to have dinner date this week with the newly married couple. So I look forward to whatever she says towards this shitty wedding fiasco. 

AddieCake

Holy shit. I can't believe this bride robbed her groom and his family of the planned wedding, and I can't believe he allowed it to happen. What a mess.

mysticl

How do you marry someone who gives your friends and family zero consideration?  

And since is sounds like his potential groomsmen were all local how hard is it to call them and say "dude, I know it's totally last minute but is there anyway you can get here?"

CMGragain

"ME, ME, ME, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!"  says the selfish bridezilla.

There are people who will never forgive her.

falsara

That is a total Shit-storm.  I can't believe that the bride just steamrolled him like that.  You would think at one point he would be up at the altar, thinking "This woman is crazy, I can't believe none of my friends are here, I can't believe she doesn't care." 

Unfortunately, there is no way to Fix it now.  The bride got what she wanted and the groom didn't and it seems like that's ok with the Bride, and if the groom really had a problem with it he probably should have said something waaaaaay sooner.

AlexisA01

@mysticl Exactly!!! They got married at a place that was less than an two hours away While her family is all happy, his family is so hurt and heartbroken that I will see this be a problem for future fights. I keept noticing her dress because I thought it was too large on her. There will be resentment and the groom is an idiot for going through with the ceremony. How you can get a fancy cake, great last minute catering, and bridesmaids dresses that put together so quickly.

AlexisA01

But not have time to invite the groomsmen, groom's family and friends!?

bride2b71614

Well, that sounds like an awesome start to a marriage: strong arm your groom into doing EXACTLY what you want, alienate his family, and move your wedding up without informing your guests....Yeah, I'm sure thats going to blow over super fast, and harbor no resentment whatsoever on the groom's part. 

Their behavior sounds pretty impulsive. If you don't mind me asking, how long was this couple together for prior to being engaged? Four months to plan a wedding is a decent amount of time, but its still on the shorter side, and the groom's excuses for their rude behavior isn't really cutting it. 

If they sent out a STD, and her BFFs knew that the wedding was to take place sometime around December, why would they schedule their trips during that date? If they were so in love, they could have just waited the four months out.  For her to say well we're at the vacation house, my friends are here, your's aren't, who cares, lets totes get married, and for him to give in without a mitigating circumstance isn't normal. If he was upset about his groomsmen not being there, he should have dug in his heels and said no. The fact that they got engaged three weeks ago, and then moved their wedding up is suspicious as hell. I think there is more to this story than the groom is willing to tell you. 

All in all, what they did was really shitty, and your FI has every right to feel hurt. Keep us updated. 

JasperandOpal

I will never understand that "we are in love so lets get married now" thing.  If you are in love, it doesn't matter if you wait until December, you will still be in love... right?  If you are worried that you won't be in love in December you definitely shouldn't get married now.  It just doesn't make sense to me.

This definitely sounds like a bride who wanted things her way and threw everyone else's feelings, including her groom's, out the window.  That said, the groom isn't much better because he let it happen.  Its no good apologizing and complaining now, he should have nipped that right away.  Its not like she could have had the impromptu wedding if he had said "no."

edited because spelling and grammar are hard.

jdluvr06

That is unbelievable. I would never have agreed to that if I was the groom.

AlexisA01

bride2b71614 said:

Well, that sounds like an awesome start to a marriage: strong arm your groom into doing EXACTLY what you want, alienate his family, and move your wedding up without informing your guests....Yeah, I'm sure thats going to blow over super fast, and harbor no resentment whatsoever on the groom's part. 

Their behavior sounds pretty impulsive. If you don't mind me asking, how long was this couple together for prior to being engaged? Four months to plan a wedding is a decent amount of time, but its still on the shorter side, and the groom's excuses for their rude behavior isn't really cutting it. 

If they sent out a STD, and her BFFs knew that the wedding was to take place sometime around December, why would they schedule their trips during that date? If they were so in love, they could have just waited the four months out.  For her to say well we're at the vacation house, my friends are here, your's aren't, who cares, lets totes get married, and for him to give in without a mitigating circumstance isn't normal. If he was upset about his groomsmen not being there, he should have dug in his heels and said no. The fact that they got engaged three weeks ago, and then moved their wedding up is suspicious as hell. I think there is more to this story than the groom is willing to tell you. 

All in all, what they did was really shitty, and your FI has every right to feel hurt. Keep us updated. 

They have been together for about 4 1/2 years. As long as I've known her, she was very attention seeking, so it may or not be more to the story, as I am unsure at the moment. I would not be surprised if she wanted the wedding all about her and alienated his groomsmen and other family. Like I said, I will have dinner with them sometime this week. I told the Fi, I am unsure of a wedding gift because he feels a simple card will have to do.

huskypuppy14

So how long did they have between when they decided to get married and when they got married. A couple days? Are they in a state with a no waiting period for the marriage license? 

How is it ok to get married because her friends are there, and they may not be able to come in December, but it's perfectly fine for his friends to not be there. That is such a stupid reason, oh my friends are here already, let's get married. I predict divorce withing a couple years. Clearly this woman does not care about her husband's feelings. And why the hell did he agree??

AlexisA01

They got married Saturday, so that means they must have gone to the courthouse sometime this week because you have up to 60 days to get married after the license was issued. So this can be looked at in another way. The groom had enough time to get the license but not enough time to notify his groomsmen and other friends and family. His family lives in a 3 hours or less radius from where they got married. 

Sorry but the more I think about it raises my stress levels. The way he told my FI and the guys was that it was so spur of the moment like it happened the day of. 

huskypuppy14

In my state, you have a 3 day waiting period. So in order to get married on a Saturday, you would have to apply for your marriage license by Tuesday of that week.  I know there are different rules depending on your state, so maybe the waiting period is less, or maybe they're just jerks.

I see nothing wrong with deciding you want to get married sooner. But if you have already sent STD (and just the week prior!) then you need to contact everyone you sent one to, and tell them that the wedding isn't going to happen as planned. That's just common courtesy, but it sounds like this couple doesn't have any of that.

slothiegal

Holeeeee shit.

Pleeease keep feeding us updates.