Wedding Woes

my family is not coming

So after years of my parents wanting us to have the "big wedding", we have decided to have one. We are doing it in a different state since most of the family is there. EVERYONE is excited and is coming- except my own parents and only sibling. They are not attending, and it is NOT a financial issue or a job issue. When I asked one of them why, the answer was "eh its just a few days and it's not worth going all the way over there." My mom has not shown any interest in the wedding planning and preparations, and I tried to get her interested- nothing. It's not an approval issue of my second half, they have known him for years and we both attend every family function of their's ( birthdays, graduations, etc. ).They are certainly not paying for any part of the wedding. I am left trying to resolve the walking down the aisle issue without a dad now, just two months before the wedding, among the vast array other things we had planned that included the both sets of parents. I just don't understand their apathy. I am also worried about what my fiancé's family will think when they don't show up at all to the wedding. What am I supposed to say? What possible excuse could I make for them? How am I later to explain to other's their lack in the portraits? This has left me completely heartbroken. 

Re: my family is not coming

  • Is there more to the story? All you can do is continue with your plans and tell your In laws the truth.
  • There really is nothing more. No family feuds, no disagreements, and in fact I thought things were going pretty darn good. I just hope my in laws don't get offended by my parent's lack of presence. 
  • GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I'm sorry.
    Sometimes family sucks.  (I *would* tell them you're upset about it.  Sometimes people are just kinda dumb about recognizing what you find important.  "Dad?  I know you think it's an expense for just a 2 day trip, but I need you to hear that, whatever your reason, I am upset that you aren't coming for my wedding.  You have make the choice that seems right to you, but your reasoning doesn't change the fact that my feelings are hurt"

    Re: ILs, I'd have your Fi field this in advance.  "hey, mom?  I wanted to let you know that Anna's family is probably not coming for the wedding.  We're not sure what preciptated this, but I wanted you to know that she's hurting form this, so please try to be tactful about it with her.  Thanks"
  • I would make one attempt to tell them how badly you want them there.  Tell dad how much you looked forward to him walking you down the aisle, then you will have to let it go.  If they still don't come, and there is really no other reason, then you have a selfish family, nothing can change that.  I am sorry, and can only imagine how bad that would hurt my feelings.
  • Thank you guys for your kind replies. Its a tough situation to deal with. GBCK, thank you for the advice of letting my fiancé talk to my in laws ahead- I think it's a good idea. 
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    How strange. I'm sorry you are hurting. Definitely have fi talk to his parents first.
  • Sorry to hear that your family pushed for a "big wedding" and won't even be there to enjoy it with you.  My family won't be at mine either.  My mom has a hard time getting around and wouldn't be able to handle the 4 hours each way drive.  My sister doesn't give 2 hoots and would rather not have to miss her TV shows.  My brother doesn't care one way or another.  My other sister lives in Florida.  I DO NOT want my dad there at all.
  • I'm so sorry your family is so disinterested!! :( I agree that you should talk to them. You had some very tactful responses as to how to phrase things... I'm too emotional for that! If that were my family I would probably cry and tell them that this is supposed to be one of the most important days of my life, and how can they not care? How can they not want to be there for that? Why does my wedding mean so little to them? They would have the opportunity to see all of their family as well, why is this viewed as such a hassle, and not a good chance for a family reunion? ...sorry, I'm not much help I guess, but I feel for you, and I hope you would stand up for yourself and your wedding, and make them see how important this is! good luck.
  • Unfortunately I am in the same boat and so is my fiance. We have tried to do all the convincing that we could and we just keep getting that they have to think about it. It's really upsetting. like reallyyyyyy upsetting. However, we just keep telling ourselves that it's our day and we will be surrounded by people that love us and for that one day we will let no one ruin it. So for 24 hours we will put it in the back of our minds and focus on having the beautiful wedding we've been planning for a year. The next day I might cry about it but for that one day I will not allow anyone to stress me. I will have my dad walk me (he is the only one who is definitely coming) and my best friend is by my side for planning so I don't notice that my mom isn't really involved. I just had to find ways around everything. I would suggest that to you. I know that it hurts but this is your day don't allow anyone to throw a monkey wrench in it. 

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