Offbeat Weddings

My fiance (the groom) wants to wear a dress

edited July 2014 in Offbeat Weddings

And, I totally support him.

Yes, I'm a woman and he's a man and we're totally heterosexual couple.

We recently came across some dresses and we both fell in love with them. They're from a Korean designer who kinda does a fusion of traditional and modern. We're Americans but we travel to Korea often; we love it and have lots of Korean friends etc. (and love Korean fashion) and try to work it into our lives. We came across the designer because I got a different dress made (another fusion style) on our recent trip there.

And then we saw the dresses and were both blown away. Knowing we'll get married some time next year, I immediately wanted to wear one and my fiance loved the idea.

This is the dress I want to wear: http://moranbp.com/front/php/product.php?product_no=1204&main_cate_no=89&display_group=1 (scroll down for more pics)

After a few days, having discussed it a bit, the conversation turned to what my fiance should wear. It was at that point that he sheepishly admitted that he wishes he could wear a dress like that, too, because it's so beautiful. At first I just chuckled because I thought he was joking, but then he told me that if it were up to him, he would wear it. I could tell he was being serious.

I felt really sympathetic. I get to wear what I want, so why can't he? He's played around with crossdressing a bit before in private and I don't have much issue with some gender bending. Plus, it is a really beautiful dress.

So, frankly, I support him. He wants to wear it, so why not? We've talked about it a few times over the past few months and his feelings haven't changed a bit.

Fortunately, our friends and families are pretty progressive, though I'm sure some bit of a stir will be caused to some degree, of course. We're not going to have a huge wedding, but it won't be tiny either.

So our concern is what others will think. and what impact it will have on the wedding. I'm sure no one will cause a scene, but this is obviously going to have some kind of impact.

And, just to note, we plan on informing people ahead of time. This is to prevent too much shock on the day. We're not sure exactly how, but I'm thinking having him dress as a woman while meeting friends/family at some point before the wedding (it's still a bit over a year away).

I asked my husband what he thinks about wearing a tux/suit rather than the dress and he said he wouldn't be very happy about it. And, especially as time goes on, I'd much rather see him wear the dress. It's both because it makes him happy and I think he'll be gorgeous (not just in my mind-I think he can actually look beautiful in it). Another plus is that he's a fairly slim guy (not too hairy, rugged etc., too), so he'll fit into it fine and won't look crazy out of place.

We've also thought that if he does wear it, he'd certainly be prepped for it; he won't just throw on a dress. Body hair will be removed (fortunately he doesn't have a lot). He won't cut his hair before the wedding (it's already rather long for a man, almost to the shoulders and we have another 14 or so months to grow it) and his hair will be styled and possibly colored. He will also wear full makeup and nails. (I'm thinking we'll give him a little insert support in the bust, too).

He's having a hard time deciding between dresses. Considering we go ahead with this and he wears one, which one would suggest? (especially considering I'll be wearing the white one linked above; perhaps the should complement each other).
1 ivory http://moranbp.com/front/php/product.php?product_no=1207&main_cate_no=89&display_group=1
2 pink http://moranbp.com/front/php/product.php?product_no=860&main_cate_no=89&display_group=1

Scroll down for more pics

We both like how the model has her makeup and hair and that may be inspiration for my husband's hair and makeup. What do you think? Should he skip hair and makeup and just do the dress, or go full-on? :)

Another thing is veils. I think it'd be sweet to have matching veils; not sure whether they should be half-length like the model is wearing in the link with my white dress, or full length like in the ivory dress my fiance is considering. Thought?

Finally, there's the bolero (shrug). We both think it would be really nice if ours matched. I'd love to get the one that's being worn by the model in the link of my white dress here it is again; scroll down to see it better
http://moranbp.com/front/php/product.php?product_no=1204&main_cate_no=89&display_group=1 .
I really like the full front coverage and long sleeves; I think it looks very pure and bridal. What do you think? Think it would look good if we had matching ones? (fiance thinks it's pretty, too). We'd probably wear them during the ceremony and then take them off.

I would love any insight into both the situation surrounding this (husband wearing a dress and makeup, hair etc.) as well as insights into the dresses themselves.

Thank you!

Re: My fiance (the groom) wants to wear a dress

  • Does your fiance typically cross-dress or is this out of character for him?
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I wouldn't bat an eye if he typically cross-dresses. If this is not typical, you might want to discuss WHY he wants to wear a dress. Because I'm all for non-gender conformity, but it's not exactly normal for someone who doesn't cross dress to suddenly decide they HAVE to cross dress on their wedding day.
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  • She said he does it in private. If you both want it and feel comfortable with it, go for it. It's a good idea to inform people prior the wedding though.
    LittleWohlscheid
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Erikan73 said:

    My recommendation is before going through the expense of getting him a dress & getting too excited about all of this, that he moves his cross dressing from private to starting to go out in public like that. Like going out to dinner, movies, running errands, etc and maybe out with a few close friends. See how he feels doing that. I don't think your wedding is the time to find out how he feels about cross dressing in public and then just as he's getting ready for the ceremony to realize "OMG, what am I doing" and it's too late for a backup plan. Also have a good talk to see if this is something he thinks he plans on pursuing or just a fad. Because if it's just a fad, really think if that's how you want to remember one of the most important days of your lives.

    This is very sound advice! People will always react negatively to crossdressing, especially at your wedding. Unfortunatly, that's how our society is right now. If you are okay with that, by all means get on with your bad selves! And all those dresses are gorgeous!
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    LittleWohlscheid
  • I definitely agree with the advice of PP. And I think he should go with the pink dress. The white of yours might make the ivory of the other dress look off, but both are gorgeous. As for hair and makeup, maybe he should try going out in public with hair or makeup done and seeing how he likes it and if he wants the whole shebang on his wedding day or not.
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