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Mother-In-Law HELP!

So my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding. To save money we have decided not to get dance lessons for our first dance. Just today I found out my future mother in law purchased dance lessons for my fiance and her. Literally the classes start at 4pm tonight. Not only is she getting them a few sessions of dance classes but she has also decided that she does not want the typicall mother-son dance and instead would like to shag to an upbeat song. I feel awkward that she would buy them dance classes knowing we are not getting them for ourselves. I also feel like we have to go buy dance classes for our dance now so we are not shown up by their dance. Is it inappropriate to tell her how uncomfortable this makes me feel? I feel like she should have at least asked us before hand. Also this is not the first time she has does something like this. We had an issue before when we decided to make our own centerpieces and do all the flowers and she wanted to hire a professional florist to do fancy centerpiece for the rehearsal dinner she was throwing. I know she probably does not have bad intentions but I feel like she is constantly trying to show me up. HELP.

Re: Mother-In-Law HELP!

  • edited July 2014
    kmitch224 said:
    So my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding. To save money we have decided not to get dance lessons for our first dance. Just today I found out my future mother in law purchased dance lessons for my fiance and her. Literally the classes start at 4pm tonight. Not only is she getting them a few sessions of dance classes but she has also decided that she does not want the typicall mother-son dance and instead would like to shag to an upbeat song. I feel awkward that she would buy them dance classes knowing we are not getting them for ourselves. I also feel like we have to go buy dance classes for our dance now so we are not shown up by their dance. Is it inappropriate to tell her how uncomfortable this makes me feel? I feel like she should have at least asked us before hand. Also this is not the first time she has does something like this. We had an issue before when we decided to make our own centerpieces and do all the flowers and she wanted to hire a professional florist to do fancy centerpiece for the rehearsal dinner she was throwing. I know she probably does not have bad intentions but I feel like she is constantly trying to show me up. HELP.
    First world problems.

    OP - think about what you're saying... "FI can't do something with his mom because I can't do it." Really? So FMIL wants to take dance lessons with her son? Big deal. She doesn't need to ask your permission to do this. You can't be serious with that... You're the bride and it's your wedding day - no one is going to watch your FMIL dance and think she is the belle of the ball instead of you.

    The absolute worst outcome of this is that your FI is a better dancer than he is now and can teach you a thing or two (without you paying for it). Oh no!!!!!!

    ETA: you should absolutely NOT say anything negative unless you want to come off as a total controlling bridezilla. You could say: "have fun! can't wait til you get back so you can teach me some moves!"
    *********************************************************************************

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    PrettyGirlLostmysticllucky2bjt[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kmitch224 said:
    So my fiance and I are paying for our own wedding. To save money we have decided not to get dance lessons for our first dance. Just today I found out my future mother in law purchased dance lessons for my fiance and her. Literally the classes start at 4pm tonight. Not only is she getting them a few sessions of dance classes but she has also decided that she does not want the typicall mother-son dance and instead would like to shag to an upbeat song. I feel awkward that she would buy them dance classes knowing we are not getting them for ourselves. I also feel like we have to go buy dance classes for our dance now so we are not shown up by their dance. Is it inappropriate to tell her how uncomfortable this makes me feel? I feel like she should have at least asked us before hand. Also this is not the first time she has does something like this. We had an issue before when we decided to make our own centerpieces and do all the flowers and she wanted to hire a professional florist to do fancy centerpiece for the rehearsal dinner she was throwing. I know she probably does not have bad intentions but I feel like she is constantly trying to show me up. HELP.
    First world problems.


    This.  Wow, you seem to be freaking out over something that really does not matter.  If your FI Mom wanted to buy her and her son dance classes and she wants to dance with him to a more upbeat song that is her prerogative.  Have a glass of wine, take a bubble bath and relax.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    So wait, you want to tell her she can't do an activity with her son because you decided not to do said activity? Where is your FI's opinion in all of this?

    A wedding I went to recently, the groom and his mother danced to "The Twist." It was fantastic and looked like a lot of fun. 

    And why on earth do you care that she hired a florist for a party she is hosting? It's her party and her money. Also, you're the bride. You wont be shown up on your wedding day. RELAX.

    Edited because I repeated myself...twice.



    image
    MairePoppymysticl
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    My BFF and her dad took dance lessons for their father/daughter dance.  My BFF did not take dance lessons with her now-H.  It didn't take away from their first dance at all.

    My H & I basically swayed in place 8th grade style.  He is not a dancer and had no interest in taking lessons.  My dad on the other hand, learned to Waltz from his mom.  So when I danced with my dad, he had me all over the dance floor waltzing.  Again, our first dance was not shown up.

    I think you have some other underlying issues with your FMIL you aren't telling us about.  And you are letting FMIL's own preferences for a professional florist and dance lessons be your outlet for them.

    manateehugger
  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    PDKH said:
    So wait, you want to tell her she can't do an activity with her son because you decided not to do said activity? Where is your FI's opinion in all of this?

    A wedding I went to recently, the groom and his mother danced to "The Twist." It was fantastic and looked like a lot of fun. 

    And why on earth do you care that she hired a florist for a party she is hosting? It's her party and her money. Also, you're the bride. You wont be shown up on your wedding day. RELAX.

    Edited because I repeated myself...twice.



    And now "The Twist" is stuck in my head. 

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • Does your FI know how to dance? No? Don't worry about it because a few dance lessons will make him awkward. He will be counting his steps and his mother will be leading. Now, there is your dance with new hubby, natural, romantic and loving. Problem solved. Even if he is a good dancer and the lessons make him look polished and professional, who cares? You are the bride, queen of the event, and the love of his life.
    lizybeff[Deleted User]
  • danamwdanamw member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    No one can upstage the bride, or the wedding couple. Anyone who even tries to get the spotlight will look bad!

    Just be glad your FMIL wants to fast dance to a peppy song with her son, your FH. Too many brides have the problem of their Monster In Law wanting to dance to a mushy love song with "my baby boy"

  • @danamw - I agree with you, but neither my son nor I are good dancers, so a slower song, not mushy, is the best we can do!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    What does your fiance think?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I wasn't even aware that everyone was expected to do some sort of fancy dance these days. If it makes you feel better, youtube has kind of made it not so original anymore. What is wrong with just swaying along to the music and enjoying eachothers company? After all you aren't getting married to entertain others at your wedding with some sort of complicated dance routine.
    southernbelle0915FutureMrsToal
  • It also seems as though you are a bit insecure about others "showing you up". I mean why would you even take either of these things that way? I can almost guarantee you shes not trying to do that. You are marrying her son-this is not a contest.
    southernbelle0915
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Your FMIL has done nothing wrong. Complaining about the dance lessons and RD centerpieces will make you look petty.
                       
  • edited August 2014
    ^^^^ @ohannabelle

    We may disagree in other areas but i do find you hilarious :)
    ohannabelle
  • If my father had lived our dance would have been way more involved than my dance with DH. My father was an amazing dancer and would automatically have started waltzing or polkaing or something. It just wasn't in him to sway in a circle. Whereas DH doesn't dance. We've danced at our wedding and one other time in a 6 year relationship.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • All of you are being just a bit rude, don't you think?
    Everyone has their own insecurities, and we should be focusing on helping other people not bashing them in the face with your own bladed thoughts.

    And to the bride who posted this;
    I say, don't worry about it. ^_^ Everything is going to be perfect, and not because of someone else's dance moves. I completely understand how you feel but at this point all you can do is make the best of it. Have your fiance teach you some of those moves, and if you want to do a dance with him you'll just have the extra special bit of making it together. ;)

  • jaibear93 said:
    All of you are being just a bit rude, don't you think?
    Everyone has their own insecurities, and we should be focusing on helping other people not bashing them in the face with your own bladed thoughts.

    And to the bride who posted this;
    I say, don't worry about it. ^_^ Everything is going to be perfect, and not because of someone else's dance moves. I completely understand how you feel but at this point all you can do is make the best of it. Have your fiance teach you some of those moves, and if you want to do a dance with him you'll just have the extra special bit of making it together. ;)

    No one was rude. 

    And your message to the OP is not any different than the message almost every single other person posted here.
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    OliveOilsMomBubblegum5586
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