Wedding Woes


FFIL has had little to say, but here's a few things he has said that have pissed me off:

-FFIL told FH that he was concerned our wedding was going to be trashy and that his family was traveling and we were obligated to give them a nice event (FYI, I have family flying in from much further away)
-He requested that we upgrade to his liquor preference (we originally ordered the mid tier, so we just asked the caterer to upgrade that one liquor)
-While looking at rehearsal dinner venues he kept saying it was important that I get what I want, but then either blatantly ignored or vetoed all of my suggestions.  Which the rehearsal dinner is his party, he can do what he wants, but he then shouldn't pretend it's for me and his son.  
-He told us that the he was concerned the rehearsal dinner was going to "overshadow" our wedding.  Umm the rehearsal dinner is BBQ at a local bar/restaurant, nothing fancy.  And nobody is getting married at that!
-"Oh we didn't realize not having a cake was a choice" aka it was assumed that us and/or my family was too poor to get a cake.  Nope, we just want to do a homemade dessert table.  So they decided they wanted to contribute by bringing some super fancy cupcakes from a very prestigious bakery close to where they live, which is about 600 miles from the wedding venue.  So yay fancy cupcakes, but not exactly homemade.
-Told us that he would spend up to 5k on the rehearsal dinner and anything left over would be our gift.  He has decided to spend every dollar on the rehearsal dinner.  His choice, but I wish he didn't tell us the first part, especially since we didn't pick the over priced venue.  

Just to add extra salt to the wounds, both FH and I and my parents are contributing significantly more to the wedding weekend than my FFIL (even though he makes more money) and the main reason we are having a typical wedding is for him and his family.  

Okay rant over.  Just a little annoyed right now.  

Re: FFIL Rant

  • If the RD is at a BBQ place and in your words "not fancy", then how is it costing $5000?   I did BBQ from a very good local place for my DS also, and we included all OOT guests (about 50 people) and I still spent less than $600. We don't drink, so I could understand a little more for that, but good grief!   I would quit having any wedding talk with them, then he can't change/put down your decisions.  What is your FI saying when he does all of these things, he needs to let him know its not ok. 
  • edited July 2014
    Good Question!  The restaurant is not a BBQ place, it's more like a restaurant/bar that sells American food and recently got a smoker. For open bar for 2 hours and ribs, pulled pork, mac & cheese, etc. it comes to $92 pp.  We are having 50+ guests.  Don't get me wrong, I expect it to be very good, but much of that price is for a convenient location, directly across the street from the hotel.  As I previously mentioned, I feel this place is overpriced.  For example, on the menu a dozen wings are $15. 
    As for FI, he's always had issues with his father being condescending and disappointed and he just says to ignore it, that his dad is not going to change and will be unhappy no matter what.  He also reminded me that this is one of the reasons we live multiple states away.  It's just new for me to be targeted, so I'm not conditioned yet. 
  • You can eliminate all of this FFIL fuckery, you know.

    "Thank you so much for your generous offer, Dad.  But kitten and I will take care of everything.  We just want you to sit back and enjoy the RD and wedding."

    Voila.  Plan and pay for the RD yourselves.  FFIL has no input, no overshadowing.  Any wedding conversations can be avoided by changing the subject when he brings it up.
  • That's actually an interesting idea that I've considered.  I am pretty sure the fear of us embarrassing him with whatever fun casual dinner we planned would be pretty amusing to see.  There's no way FI would go for it though.
  • Then maybe you and FI need to have a talk about his dad.  Are you cool with him appeasing his father at the expense of your happiness for the rest of your lives?  Because you know the RD and wedding aren't going to be the only things he's going to have an opinion on.

    You and your FI will have many life choices that your FIL will think he gets a say in if boundaries are not set - where to live, what jobs to take, kids (when, how many, how to raise them), vacations, etc.  Are you prepared to have a 3rd person have input in your marriage?
  • edited July 2014
    Funny you mention that, the FFIL has commented on all those subjects. I find amusing that usually he follows that up with "when are you moving back?" Fortunately only seeing him a few times a year has minimized those conversations and make it easier to ignore.  I'm pretty sure that's FI's long term plan too, talking to him has yet to work.  Avoidance may not be the best method, but it is a method.  I will get over the wedding comments.  And the major reason FI wants his dad to be in charge of the rehearsal dinner is because we are already spending plenty of money for that weekend.  So that's the price we pay.  I just keep trying to remind myself that it is great that he cares and to appreciate that he volunteered to host the rehearsal dinner.  
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