Husband and I disagree over etiquette.

themuffinman16

  Of all the people who attended the wedding, only one has not given us a card. FI is really upset over this cousin, and wants to say something to her.  I told him absolutely not. She was the one who posted a meme on my facebook wall that since we were not giving her a plus one, she would be drinking for two.  I think she has a serious beef with us, and that might be why she didn't send a card. Or she could be struggling financially (she does not have a lot of money), and was embarrassed that she did not have money for a gift.  Maybe she thought a card would only draw attention to that. I told him whatever the case is, we should let sleeping dogs lie. It is not mandatory to give a gift at a wedding, even though most people do.  Giving gifts at weddings is a fairly new tradition, and should never be expected.

  FI thinks that she may have sent a card, but it could be lost or stolen.  I said being that she was the only card we did not receive... I highly doubt it.  But when everyone gets their thank you cards, and she doesn't, if she gave us something, she would say something.  And then it would be okay for us to tell her that we didn't receive a card from her.  Otherwise, we should just be happy that she spent the day with us, celebrating our marriage.  What can I tell FI that I haven't that this is tacky, and we should be grateful for what we received?

raissyrais

Muffinman, I'm pretty sure everything you said to your FI about gift giving is correct. There are various threads on the Etiquette saying so and other Knotties cannot stress it enough :you never really ask for gifts, you accept the ones you got graciously and you move on from the ones you never receive.

As childish as that cousin sounds, it is not anyone's place to ask her for a card, whatever the reasons. You're doing very well muffinman. As the mature, bigger persons that you and H are, you can just send her a nice thank you card saying that you were happy she spent the day with, celebrating the fact that you were getting married. Or if you prefer, just leave it at that.

AddieCake

There isn't much else you can say, as you have pretty much spelled it out for him.

manateehugger

How do people even figure out out who gave them stuff and who didn't? I'd have to go through our address list and start checking names off to even know or remember.

Anyway, ask him if having a $2 piece of paper will really matter that much to him in a year...or even in a month? Or how is he going to attack this, "Hey, I'm really pissed you didn't spend time and money on me and my new wife"? Does he think getting a card from her would change her attitude? Is the card the issue or is it that she acted like a douche?

Honestly, this isn't even an etiquette issue anymore. It's a LET IT GO issue.

wandajune6

I agree with the PP's. I am curious though- what does he think he'll get out of bringing it up?

MairePoppy

Of course your etiquette is correct. It's never correct to ask why a gift wasn't given. Gifts aren't required. And one point you missed, some people send gifts after the wedding. If he questions cousin and receives the gift after, how will he feel?

Now, let's assume your husband is right about his cousin, since he probably is. She didn't give a card because she is being petty about not receiving a plus one. Why give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has gotten his goat. I would send cousin a lovely note, thanking her for her presence at your celebration. I'd leave out the part about how gratifying it was to see her drinking for two.

themuffinman16

I agree. I feel like taking the high road, on this one. We have so much to be thankful for, to dwell on one thing is silly. Our wedding day was beautiful. We are tarnishing the memory of it by thinking of any small borderline negative issues, which may not even be issues at all. FI will drop it, if I show him it doesn't even bother me at all. His cousin came to see us get married, that is what matters most.

holyguacamole79

Btw, isn't FI now DH?

manateehugger

sarahbear31 said:

Btw, isn't FI now DH?

Was just about to say this too!

I keep making that mistake too though. He was FI for over a year on TK. 

holyguacamole79

PDKH said:

sarahbear31 said:

Btw, isn't FI now DH?

Was just about to say this too!

I keep making that mistake too though. He was FI for over a year on TK. 

It's definitely an adjustment, which is why I added the wink at the end.

manateehugger

sarahbear31 said:

sarahbear31 said:

Btw, isn't FI now DH?

Was just about to say this too!

I keep making that mistake too though. He was FI for over a year on TK. 

It's definitely an adjustment, which is why I added the wink at the end.

Stuck

Am I the only one who felt super awkward calling him "husband" in public the first time? Maybe I'm just weird. 

holyguacamole79

@PDKH‌ , the day after our wedding, his car broke down, so we took it to the shop. Since DH forgot his cell phone charger, he gave them my #. When they called me and addressed me as "Mrs X", I started giggling like a school girl. I bet the guys thought I was drunk or something. Oops.

themuffinman16

Yeah, It's really weird calling him my husband.  I never called him my fiance, except on the knot or when talking to vendors. I think I will , now, call him Hub on the knot, or maybe velociraptor.

KatieinBkln

themuffinman16 said:

Yeah, It's really weird calling him my husband.  I never called him my fiance, except on the knot or when talking to vendors. I think I will , now, call him Hub on the knot, or maybe velociraptor.

STUCK

Oh hi, I have a huge internet crush on you.

annathy03

themuffinman16 said:

Yeah, It's really weird calling him my husband.  I never called him my fiance, except on the knot or when talking to vendors. I think I will , now, call him Hub on the knot, or maybe velociraptor.

My last job had a supervisor we called velociraptor.  She was a special breed of bitch.