I'd like to start this off by saying that I love my FI's family and that everybody here gets along just fine.
My father, who is the type to make vacation itineraries and plan family dinners months in advance, is paying for my wedding. Well, about 90% of it and FI and I are getting the rest. This all good because my Dad is well off, a good saver and has been looking forward to this event for a long time.
My FI is not from a wealthy family, but they are so loving and awesome and actually live nearby, whereas my father lives several states away. We visit Fis family much more and see them about once a month at least. At times during this process they have made me feel nuts, like when Fi's mother sent me the guest list and added all the family children to it despite my telling her several times that no kids are invited and when I mentioned being nervous about going over budget at the venue due to extra guests she told me that her family could just eat sandwiches and nobody cared about fancy food. I'd never make them eat pb&j's at the wedding! All they do is with heart and good will, just that FMiL is a little clueless about the process...but I just take it with a grain of salt. They have no idea what things cost and how much work this is.
OK, so here is the question. Recently FI's parents got laid off/forced to take early retirement (it's a long story) but FI has assured me several times that his family is taking care of the rehearsal dinner. That they want to do this. We chose a location for it that is cheap, fun and local. It has not been booked. I've checked. It's not booked. We live in NYC and places book up fast.
Now, as I mentioned, my Dad is a planner and so am I. Fi's family? Not so much. On birthdays the restaurant location is not known until the day of. Events change often and it's very hard to know what will happen on visits. I have friends and family from all over coming to my wedding and several- including my father many times- have asked about where/when rehearsal dinner is.
I've brought it up to FI, but he either forgets to ask his parents or he gets uncomfortable. Money is a weird thing. Fi and I have gotten to a good place ourselves by being honest, but he comes from a place where it's not discussed, whereas in my family we are very blunt about it. When my Dad calls he checks up on me to see if bill are paid and if I'm ok. It's his way and I've never been one to shy from money discussions. Except with FI's family.
I cannot seem to bring it up. I am mortified, because they have never actually said a word about it to me and all communication has been through FI regarding this. I'd be fine doing it at a home, but we live in a small apt in the city and they live in Long Island.
How do I get a definite answer regarding the rehearsal dinner? If they can't do it, I need to work something out now and start planning for it. Our wedding is October, so outdoors may not be an option and I'm getting nervous. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.