Back story: DH's parents (we'll call them Ann and Bob) married 40 years happiest couple ever blah blah blah. Their son up in Ohio has his first child so Ann travels there to help for two weeks. Bob can't go because he owns his own business and it would be too hard wah wah wah. Ann flies back home two weeks later, Bob picks her up from the airport, drives home and then leaves her in the driveway and tells her he moved out and wants a divorce. NONE OF US SAW THIS COMING. We live 5 minutes from them. So worst divorce ever mainly because while they were very happy, Ann was the one who did everything. She worked full time job and a part time job while he sat in his recliner and complained about how his business was in the can. But she did it because she loved him. Word of advice, if you ever struggle wondering if you should get divorced or stay married for the children, just get divorced because it is WAY harder on the kids when they are in their 30's. I digress, Ann becomes a total lunatic and is basically Bob's stalker that past 5 years. She has finally gotten over it for the most part, Bob has moved to another state far away from us and we rarely hear from him. We know that he is downtrodden and living a terrible life for himself wah wah wah.
Fast forward to yesterday night. Out of nowhere the entire child side of the family (myself, husband, BIL and SIL) get a friend request from Bob on Facebook. He's looking mighty fine with a new lady on his arm telling the world how great he is doing since he met the love of his life. HOLY CRAP YA'LL. This is after 2 months ago when we asked him to come visit and he said he lived in a tin can trailer and only showered 2x a week in a truck stop and had stray dogs to feed that couldn't go on without his help. If Ann sees this she will lose it.
We were up in the air about inviting Bob to our renewal. He is DH's father but he also "was" financially destitute and very touchy about it. We knew he'd whine and cry and me oh my over it if we invited him and he couldn't come. It would be all about him. But now we are in fear he will come and bring this woman with him. And it will literally break Ann. Ann is everything to us. She is our saving grace and one of the most important people in our life. She home schools my child, takes care of her dying mother, is always available to do anything for any of us at a moments notice and is in general just the best mother ever. I don't want to see her hurt in person. If she goes digging and finds something that is her own problem. But to come face to face with it is something else.
So can we just not invite Bob? Obviously he knows about it now that he is on Facebook because we all talk about it and I know he reads my blog. What is the etiquette for this messed up situation?