Wedding Woes

Oh sweet mercy

Dear Prudence,
I am a career-driven woman recently married to a similarly career-driven man, and we both plan to continue our child-free existence. I happen to be the type of person who craves the approval of my husband’s family, but they have given me the cold shoulder. My husband’s mother and sister also see children as the most valued products of a relationship. Recently, in a moment of utter stupidity and desperation (and after a glass of wine or two), I texted his mother that I was expecting. Now they love me! I get messages during the day from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, including lengthy emails full of pregnancy and child-rearing advice. We live far away, but at some point my lie is going to be revealed. I have asked my husband to stay silent until I can figure out how to fix things, but in doing so have made him an accessory to my lie. How do I come clean while minimizing the inevitable damage? I am normally clear-headed and smart, so I still can’t believe I did this and have allowed it to go on for over a month! 

—Liar Liar

Re: Oh sweet mercy

  • Nuh-uh.  I just can't believe this.  

    I have no advice.  I think it's time, past time, for her husband to intervene.  They at least need to either lie or come clean together as a couple and explain (if coming clean) what happened and how horrible his family is making her feel.

    What a clusterfark.
  • The only way this poor woman can get in in-laws approval is by getting pregnant?  What if she couldn't conceive?  That just seems harsh!

  • edited August 2014
    What you did was immature but your husbands family sucks. Tell them you had a miscarriage and the dr told you you cant have kids now. Maybe that will end their rudeness.
  • Her H needs to have a come to Jesus talk with his family.  Something along the lines of .... "We've always wondered if the reason you are not close with wife is because of OUR decision not to have children.  To confirm this, wife sent the text.  The change in your attitude toward her is very evident.  While it wasn't right to lie about a pregnancy, we hope you can see how differently you are treating her now that you think she is expecting."
  • I actually liked Prudie's response on this one, to just call it a false alarm and say they don't want to talk about it.  Fake miscarriage is just lies on top of more lies.  Trying to justify your own crazy to equally crazy people is not going to accomplish much.  So much crazy here:
    1. The LW, for actually doing this.  I don't care how stupid your ILs are, no sane person is going to lie about a pregnancy, "glass of wine or two" or not.
    2. Her H, for going along with this, although it's not completely clear what his position is.  She says she asked him to stay silent until she can fix it (good luck with that), but doesn't specify where he is on the "that's cool" to "whattheeverlovingfuck???" spectrum.  But I have to think that if he was seriously alarmed, that would have made it into the letter.  Maybe not.
    3. The MIL and SIL for being so baby-rabies toward her, although I'm taking that with a grain of salt--if you're crazy enough to make up a pregnancy, then you're a pretty unreliable narrator.  Maybe they've given her the cold shoulder because she is BSC, who knows?  But assuming she's not exaggerating, lengthy emails full of pregnancy and child-rearing advice are way over the top, especially for someone who just announced.  Hell, I have two kids and I'd be hard pressed to come up with a full page of pregnancy and child-rearing advice, let alone send it to someone whose pee stick (as far as they know) is barely dry.

    Thank goodness she's not really KU.  She doesn't sound like stellar parent material.  No kid needs to be within a 10' pole of any of these people.

  • What you did was immature but your husbands family sucks. Tell them you had a miscarriage and the dr told you you cant have kids now. Maybe that will end their rudeness.
    @mrs.conn23 - i hope you know you're an awful person, and you absolutely should compound your lie with another lie.

  • Yep, Prudie's response was spot on, but seriously....WTF???  A glass or two of wine doesn't create this much of a clusterfuck.  Serious relationship issues here all the way around.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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