Help with My Awkwardness?

doeydo

So, I'm part of this group thing that meets once a month and I've gone four times so far, I believe.  I met someone there who I'd like to get to know better.  She doesn't go to every meeting thing.  She added me on Facebook, but we haven't ever talked one on one or anything like that.  Anyways, would it be totally weird if I messaged her and started talking to her or asked to go to coffee with her?  I don't want to come across as a weirdo or pathetic/desperate but I think we would hit it off and I would like to be friends with her.  Any advice?  

theexactlee

Absolutely! You should send her a message and maybe bring something up from the group, something you can both relate to. Toe in the water if you catch my drift. Then ask her if you want to meet for coffee and hang out. I've met so many of my friends this way. I'm kinda balls to the wall with making friends because I'm so outgoing so I don't hesitate but I realize it isn't that easy for everyone. So I think that toe in the water idea is a good one. I hope it works out!

JCbride2015

Yes, you should just message her and bring up something from the group or something you have in common.  Then ask if she'd like to grab coffee before/after the group next time, or, "Hey I'll be around your area next week, want to grab a drink?"

Also just my personal two cents about making friends.  I am totally extroverted and love being around people.  I'll make small talk about anything.  But sometimes I feel like other people already have their friend groups set, or if a new person doesn't make "the first move" I assume they don't want to be friends.  I've come to find out that sometimes potential friends are thinking the exact same thing about me.  Generally I'm relieved that somebody genuinely likes me, too!  We all like to be liked.  She will be happy you reached out.

falsara

Go for it! You don't know if you don't try.  Do what the PPs suggest and reach out using a topic from the group as a starting point. 

BTW: You are all much braver than I am.  Even though I moved around a lot as a kid and was forced to find ways to make friends, I still to this day struggle with it because I'm much more of an introvert and am totally cool sitting by myself reading a book.  I almost never make the first move when it comes to finding friends because it never works out the way I think it will. I've lived here officially 8 months now and I still haven't met anyone I like enough or known anyone long enough to try and be friends with them out side of either class or work.  It just takes me a long time to be comfortable with someone.

I give all you ladies props for being so outgoing!

theartistformerlyknownas

As someone who is NOT naturally an extrovert, my advice is just to "fake it til you make it." I was SO horribly awkward and shy when I started college... the thought of having to meet new people terrified me, but I knew I couldn't go 4 years with no friends. Then I realized "none of these people know me. They don't know I'm shy. I'll just pretend I'm not." Sounds crazy, but it worked. I just put on my best impersonation of a bubbly person, scary as it was. It helped me feel like "Lolo won't be embarrassed if they reject me, because I'm not really Lolo right now, I'm this person who's not shy. She doesn't get rejected or embarrassed." Believe it or not, it worked. Eventually it becomes more natural, once you have so many times of not being scared under your belt to give you confidence. So go ahead and reach out!

WinstonsGirl

Go for it, and tell us how it went.  I'm shit at small talk and feel everyone has their groups already too, so I'll just live vicariously through you.  

mrsmagicgeek

I am a completely introverted freak, I have no friends. Well, I have FI but he's really the only one. I work from home and rarely interact with people other than on the computer or phone. So I can relate, is what I'm saying. I think you should do what PPs suggested, and good for you for being brave.

lc07

I am a crazy extrovert. I think you could totally ask her to go for coffee on FB. Another approach would be, the next time you see her at one of your get togethers and you strike up conversation, try to center it around an activity you like that you think she may be interested in. For example, I'd be like:

lc07: "Have you ever gone stand up paddle boarding? I started doing it a few months ago and I'm obsessed. It's really fun."

Potential Friend: "I love paddle boarding!" or "I've never been, it sounds really fun!"

(Or this person might not like paddle boarding but I know they like painting or wine or whatever and can choose that route)

lc07: "We should go together sometime. That would be so fun. I'll message you on FB."

lc07

Especially since you are friends on FB now, you should be able to see what her interests are and which ones you have in common to go the above route of starting to hang out.

kns1988

I'm an introvert, but I've gotten better at making friends by just inviting people out for coffee or a drink. That's how I became friends with one of my bridesmaids. I was like, "Hey, you seem cool. Wanna grab a drink?" And it turned into a really great friendship. 

Just remember that there are a lot of adults out there who want to make new friends and feel too awkward to try. You'll see a lot of it if you read any newspaper advice column (I love Carolyn Hax). You're probably making someone's day by making the first move, and if they're not interested because they're too busy or what have you, it's nothing personal.

doeydo

Thank you everyone.  I guess I'll message her (when I gather up the courage).

raissyrais

@doeydo That's so cute that you wanna be friends with her! I would totally send her a message if I were you. Keep it short and precise like PPs have suggested

lc07

doeydo said:

Thank you everyone.  I guess I'll message her (when I gather up the courage).

Just do it. Do it now. Tell us how it goes. If you don't just do it, you may never.

I received a text message yesterday that I didn't know how to respond to. I called a friend to ask for help and she helped talk me through it and suggested I just do it then and there to get it over with. I'm glad I did. It wasn't that big of a deal.

So... here's your accountability. Do it.. and come back and tell us how it goes.

doeydo

So, I sent her a message.  Facebook says she saw the message, though she is on her cell phone.  Now it's just the waiting...

lc07

doeydo said:

So, I sent her a message.  Facebook says she saw the message, though she is on her cell phone.  Now it's just the waiting...

YESSS!! I am so proud of you! It doesn't matter how this turns out. You stepped out of your comfort zone.

And your GIF made me lol.

lc07

Also, FWIW I think you're rad and would love to be your IRL friend

doeydo

Thanks @lc07  I'd be your IRL friend, too.  

doeydo

Well, she never responded to me.  I guess she might just be busy and/or already has enough friends, thinks I'm a weirdo, or maybe she took it as me asking her out on a date/affair thing.  

Also, I tried that one website, Girlfriend Social, and there is hardly anyone in my area on there and none of them ever responded to my "sending coffee" thing.  Oh well.

theartistformerlyknownas

doeydo said:

Well, she never responded to me.  I guess she might just be busy and/or already has enough friends, thinks I'm a weirdo, or maybe she took it as me asking her out on a date/affair thing.  

Also, I tried that one website, Girlfriend Social, and there is hardly anyone in my area on there and none of them ever responded to my "sending coffee" thing.  Oh well.

Aww don't take it personally! You never know what she's got going on. I'd totally hang out with you.

mrsmagicgeek

Geez, I'd hang out with you too, lolo! Let us know if you want us to go "convince" her lol

pinkshorts27

doeydo said:

Well, she never responded to me.  I guess she might just be busy and/or already has enough friends, thinks I'm a weirdo, or maybe she took it as me asking her out on a date/affair thing.  

Also, I tried that one website, Girlfriend Social, and there is hardly anyone in my area on there and none of them ever responded to my "sending coffee" thing.  Oh well.

Are you in AZ by any chance? I just moved here and am looking for coffee buddies.

doeydo

Thanks ladies  No, I'm in ON, Canada.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

doeydo said:

Thanks ladies  No, I'm in ON, Canada.

Im in ON, Canada too!  Lets be awkward pals ^_^

doeydo

@goldchocobo  

raissyrais

@goldchocobo and @doeydo I'm in Mtl, QC We can all be Canadian buddies. I'm still a little far though...I'm sorry that your girlfriend request didn't work Doeydo but like lolo83 said, don't take it personall! You never know!

JasperandOpal

I'm sorry she never responded. I really struggle to make friends and never know how to go about it so I commend you for your bravery in reaching out to her. Once when I was younger (high school or about) I went up to this girl and asked her if she wanted to hang out some time and she actually said "I have enough friends," and walked away. It was very ouchy. Another website you might try is Meetup (http://www.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/). Maybe there will be more people on there, although it doesn't really offer the one on one girl friend meeting opportunities, you can meet other people who have similar hobbies/interests.

jenna8984

So this doesn't super relate to yours but it kinda does....when I moved to AZ, I found out a girl from my high school had also moved there. Very strange seeing as we're from small town MA and moved to Phoenix. So I messaged her and asked if she'd like to get together to watch a Patriots game or grab lunch or something. She said yes but then when the day came she blew me off. I thought no big deal, something must have come up. So I tried to make plans wih her again and she was just like "uum I don't really think so but thanks". I felt so rejected and snubbed. Like what the hell, bitch, I've lived here for a little while now and have some friends and I'm trying to be nice and include you.

So 3 years later, I move back to MA and randomly meet my FI through a mutual friend. As we're just getting to know each other, I obviously mention that I lived in Phoenix, and he says "Oh no shit, my cousin is engaged to a girl from your high school who also used to live in Phoenix, her name is XXX. Do you know her?!" I was like yes- I hate her- she wouldn't be my friend!!!! So now I end up going to her wedding and baby shower and shit since the men are cousins. Yea, awkward. She's still a bitch who still ignores me for no reason.