Here comes the waterworks

themuffinman16

I just dropped off my grandfather at the train station, and my heart is breaking. I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him again.  Fi will want to take a honeymoon before we do any other traveling (and I do too).  But then, we will start trying to get pregnant.  I know I won't be able to travel once I have really young kids because it is so difficult to lug all that gear around.

  I just remember my dance with my grandfather and I am extremely grateful that he made the trip for me.  He doesn't fly, he will only take a train, and it took him 48 hours with layovers and delays to get here.  I know asking an older man to do that is difficult when everything goes smoothly, and I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him, again. I am so upset, right now, because I never know when it will be the last time I ever get to see him. I thought I had a lot more time with my grandma, but she died suddenly.  Having a dysfunctional family, many times in my life, my grandparents acted as my parents when my own parents were too selfish. I know grandparents get old, and it is bound to happen, someday. It  scares me, though,  because I have so few people left in my family that care about me.  The ones that do care are there for me... and then some, but the thought of losing them makes me panicky. I have only 3 people in my family, besides FI, who treat me with unconditional love and respect.

   I am so grateful for my time with my grandpa, but I can't help but feel like it wasn't enough time. I am sure I will feel better by morning. The sky is always darkest before dawn.. 

levieenrose

themuffinman16 said:

I just dropped off my grandfather at the train station, and my heart is breaking. I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him again.  Fi will want to take a honeymoon before we do any other traveling (and I do too).  But then, we will start trying to get pregnant.  I know I won't be able to travel once I have really young kids because it is so difficult to lug all that gear around.

  I just remember my dance with my grandfather and I am extremely grateful that he made the trip for me.  He doesn't fly, he will only take a train, and it took him 48 hours with layovers and delays to get here.  I know asking an older man to do that is difficult when everything goes smoothly, and I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him, again. I am so upset, right now, because I never know when it will be the last time I ever get to see him. I thought I had a lot more time with my grandma, but she died suddenly.  Having a dysfunctional family, many times in my life, my grandparents acted as my parents when my own parents were too selfish. I know grandparents get old, and it is bound to happen, someday. It  scares me, though,  because I have so few people left in my family that care about me.  The ones that do care are there for me... and then some, but the thought of losing them makes me panicky. I have only 3 people in my family, besides FI, who treat me with unconditional love and respect.

   I am so grateful for my time with my grandpa, but I can't help but feel like it wasn't enough time. I am sure I will feel better by morning. The sky is always darkest before dawn.. 

I feel a similar loss when I'm saying good bye to loved ones regardless of length of our expected separation. So sorry that you feel that way! It's okay to mourn their loss for as long as you need. 

Don't give up hope, though. If you feel so strongly about it, surely you will find the time and means to visit. Little babies are easier to travel with than you think. While you're early on in pregnancy you may travel. And there's no reason to believe that your kids are really going to have too much gear to travel. 

If traveling isn't a possibility and the computer/phone is too difficult for him or expensive, take the time to write some truly fun and meaningful letters (pictures are great too, but you don't need to put off a letter until you have the perfect samples). Let me tell you, simple lined paper won't matter. Those words will be treasured. 

Hopefully the sun is rising where you are, but if not, I hope this gives you a little light.  

mysticl

themuffinman16 said:

I just dropped off my grandfather at the train station, and my heart is breaking. I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him again.  Fi will want to take a honeymoon before we do any other traveling (and I do too).  But then, we will start trying to get pregnant.  I know I won't be able to travel once I have really young kids because it is so difficult to lug all that gear around.

  I just remember my dance with my grandfather and I am extremely grateful that he made the trip for me.  He doesn't fly, he will only take a train, and it took him 48 hours with layovers and delays to get here.  I know asking an older man to do that is difficult when everything goes smoothly, and I know it will be a long time before I am able to see him, again. I am so upset, right now, because I never know when it will be the last time I ever get to see him. I thought I had a lot more time with my grandma, but she died suddenly.  Having a dysfunctional family, many times in my life, my grandparents acted as my parents when my own parents were too selfish. I know grandparents get old, and it is bound to happen, someday. It  scares me, though,  because I have so few people left in my family that care about me.  The ones that do care are there for me... and then some, but the thought of losing them makes me panicky. I have only 3 people in my family, besides FI, who treat me with unconditional love and respect.

   I am so grateful for my time with my grandpa, but I can't help but feel like it wasn't enough time. I am sure I will feel better by morning. The sky is always darkest before dawn.. 

It's not that bad. It's intimidating to think about doing it but it's one of those things you just have to do and get through it. Once it's over you realize it was easier than you thought it would be.  

themuffinman16

Thank you, ladies. I got some sleep and I feel a lot less emotional, now. I'm still really sad, but it does not seem hopeless.

RebeccaFlower

I love the love you have for your grandfather and that you got to share so many special moments before he went home. 

holyguacamole79

I miss my grandfather a bunch (he passed away in 2011). I wish I had taken more time with him towards the end. I was with him in the hospital the week leading up to his death (I was out of work at the time), so I knew it was coming.

CMGragain

You know I have metastatic cancer.  I am probably going to die sometime in the next ten years.  I am 63.
I have had an astonishing life. My mother had full blown narcissistic personality disorder, and regarded me as more or a possession than a human being with needs of my own.  After my father died (I was 15.), there was no LOVE in my life.  Additionally, I have severe inherited depression chemistry.
My early life was abusive, and I made some really bad choices.  Therapy  helped me change those choices.
I met DH shortly after my father died.  He chased me for ten years until I got smart and said "yes".  He is a fussy, difficult, controlling engineer type, but he LOVES me.  We had two children, and now a grandchild.  We have been married 38 years.  He is frightened right now, but we have time to prepare for the changes my illness and death will bring.
As long as my children live, I will live, too.  They will pass on the LOVE and wisdom I have given them to my future grandchildren, and a part of me will always be in this world.  I have been incredibly blessed.
I am a Christian.  Jesus said that there is more after death. 
Your grandfather is walking a similar path.  As long as you are alive, so is he.  Live your life in joy and the promise of your future.

Sugargirl1019

CMGragain said:

You know I have metastatic cancer.  I am probably going to die sometime in the next ten years.  I am 63.
I have had an astonishing life. My mother had full blown narcissistic personality disorder, and regarded me as more or a possession than a human being with needs of my own.  After my father died (I was 15.), there was no LOVE in my life.  Additionally, I have severe inherited depression chemistry.
My early life was abusive, and I made some really bad choices.  Therapy  helped me change those choices.
I met DH shortly after my father died.  He chased me for ten years until I got smart and said "yes".  He is a fussy, difficult, controlling engineer type, but he LOVES me.  We had two children, and now a grandchild.  We have been married 38 years.  He is frightened right now, but we have time to prepare for the changes my illness and death will bring.
As long as my children live, I will live, too.  They will pass on the LOVE and wisdom I have given them to my future grandchildren, and a part of me will always be in this world.  I have been incredibly blessed.
I am a Christian.  Jesus said that there is more after death. 
Your grandfather is walking a similar path.  As long as you are alive, so is he.  Live your life in joy and the promise of your future.

Crying.

FutureMrsN3312

Can someone please pass the tissues?? I get that way with my grandfather. (He's the only grandparent I have left) He's 90 and we never know when it's going to be his last holiday. So I'm selfish and always want to see him on the holidays. I make sure to take lots of pics and spend lots of quality time.

themuffinman16

Thank you, CMGragain.I needed a little more perspective. I am usually very grateful for the time I get to spend with him, except when I have to say goodbye. Now, I am just excited to see him again, if I have to move heaven and earth, I will make it work.

BreMR

CMGragain said:

You know I have metastatic cancer.  I am probably going to die sometime in the next ten years.  I am 63.
I have had an astonishing life. My mother had full blown narcissistic personality disorder, and regarded me as more or a possession than a human being with needs of my own.  After my father died (I was 15.), there was no LOVE in my life.  Additionally, I have severe inherited depression chemistry.
My early life was abusive, and I made some really bad choices.  Therapy  helped me change those choices.
I met DH shortly after my father died.  He chased me for ten years until I got smart and said "yes".  He is a fussy, difficult, controlling engineer type, but he LOVES me.  We had two children, and now a grandchild.  We have been married 38 years.  He is frightened right now, but we have time to prepare for the changes my illness and death will bring.
As long as my children live, I will live, too.  They will pass on the LOVE and wisdom I have given them to my future grandchildren, and a part of me will always be in this world.  I have been incredibly blessed.
I am a Christian.  Jesus said that there is more after death. 
Your grandfather is walking a similar path.  As long as you are alive, so is he.  Live your life in joy and the promise of your future.

I'm mostly a lurker here, but this post had me in tears!  What beautiful words!  I wish the best for you.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

CMGragain said:

You know I have metastatic cancer.  I am probably going to die sometime in the next ten years.  I am 63.
I have had an astonishing life. My mother had full blown narcissistic personality disorder, and regarded me as more or a possession than a human being with needs of my own.  After my father died (I was 15.), there was no LOVE in my life.  Additionally, I have severe inherited depression chemistry.
My early life was abusive, and I made some really bad choices.  Therapy  helped me change those choices.
I met DH shortly after my father died.  He chased me for ten years until I got smart and said "yes".  He is a fussy, difficult, controlling engineer type, but he LOVES me.  We had two children, and now a grandchild.  We have been married 38 years.  He is frightened right now, but we have time to prepare for the changes my illness and death will bring.
As long as my children live, I will live, too.  They will pass on the LOVE and wisdom I have given them to my future grandchildren, and a part of me will always be in this world.  I have been incredibly blessed.
I am a Christian.  Jesus said that there is more after death. 
Your grandfather is walking a similar path.  As long as you are alive, so is he.  Live your life in joy and the promise of your future.

My FI has an awful time with the concept of death and dying.  I will reassure this bolded fact once we have children.

And that's some kind of record @CMGragain, tears before 9am.  You are an incredible person.